Below is a snippet from the book that details some of the many jewels of financial knowledge that Tre has acquired during his 4 year tenure here in the world:

For his birthday, Tre received a brand new shiny Mickey Mouse piggy bank. He quickly went around the house looking for any change that he could find so that he could load his bank up. When asked why he was performing the current activity, he simply responded: “because Mickey is empty so I need to fill him up”. Look at that logic folks, it’s simple economics really; when your bank account is empty, you need to fill it up. This kid is a genius! In addition to scowering the house for loose change, Tre took initiative and religiously began helping Fefe move the laundry from the washer to the dryer. This task was routine, mundane, and offered little prestige if any at all, but Tre enjoyed doing it, and he did it well. For that, I was forced to put him on the payroll and offer him up a salary. Again, another nugget of gold from the 4yr financial guru. Find something that you love to do, do it well, and it will pay dividends.

Recently, Tre offered up his most logical and insightful words of wisdom in the financial department. After going on a huge shopping spree, and splurging by spending a nice chunk of his allowance ($3), the moment that defined this boy as a financial leader occurred. We took the boys out to Target and let them run wild, well as wild as Tre could run with $3. He purchased a Hot Wheels car, and said that he wanted to save the rest of his money for an orange. An orange, really? All the toys at your disposal and you decide to buy an orange? I was so impressed with his decision that I decided to pitch in a little extra and get him an extra item. Do you see what he just did there? If you invest in the unexpected, others will invest in you! Although that philosophy is exceptional, it’s not what got Tre inducted into the finance hall of fame. It was the rationale that Tre explained once we returned home that sealed the deal.

After his purchases, he had some change left over, two quarters to be exact. I told Tre that he should go ahead and put his change in his piggy bank. His responses forever changed the way I view money, savings, and spending. I’m confident that it will do the same for you as well. Tre exclaimed NOOOOOOO, I CAN’T PUT THE QUARTERS IN MY BANK! This threw me off a bit, so I asked for a little more information. Tre was quick to point out that quarters aren’t meant to go into his piggy bank since they go on top of his dresser because he needs them for the bubble gum machine. Hmmmm, let’s see exactly where this leads us shall we?

Me: “So Tre, if quarters can’t go into the piggy bank, then what does go in there?”

Tre: “nickels and pennies” (not sure what happened to dimes)

Me: “Well what are you saving your piggy bank money for?”

Tre: “To get dollars, so I can buy stuff to get quarters for the bubble gum machine”

GENIUS!!! So the key to financial stability is to save a little money until you can buy the things you want which allows you to use the left overs for the important things in life: bubble gum machines!

I know that you can’t wait to read more info from Tre, the great financial advisor, so be sure to place your orders for “More At Four – Financial Stability Made Simple” soon, copies are flying off the shelf!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Oh Wait, We're A Little Late For That

Well, here you have it folks, we’ve reached the third and final installment of our it’s never too late series. Believe me, I know that I’m totally pushing the boundaries of that statement seeing as how it’s Jan 31st and I’m still blogging about New Years. But oh well, what can you do ya know? The neighbors Christmas lights are still on, so I’m gonna keep this holiday posts party going.

New Years Eve was a lot of things this year, it was filled with a range of emotions ranging from excitement to regret, all the way to sickness (wait, is sickness an emotion? Well for all intents and purposes of this blog post it is).  To truly understand why NYE was a total emotional roller coaster, we must first take a look at the day before NYE, it was this day that led to many of the unfavorable emotions that were experienced.  Since it was the last day before my Mom left, we decided to have a few friends over to the house and by a few, I mean two; well that didn’t exactly go according to plan.  Somewhere along the line, someone (being me) decided that since Mom was leaving on NYE, we could use this as an opportunity to celebrate with friends we wouldn’t see on the holiday due to having no sitter. Probably not the smartest idea, but hey, what’s done is done.

So our two turned into about 12 and we got the party started!!! It was a great time, we really enjoyed the company, the drinks, the laughs, the drinks, the entertainment, and of course the drinks.  Can you guess which one of those things led to the majority of our discomfort the next day? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t the freaking laughs! The issue at hand here is that we had to be up at 7am to take my Mom to the airport, the fact that we didn’t go to bed until 3am presented a bit of a problem.   We woke up, but boy it wasn’t pretty, that’s all I’m gonna say about the subject.

My Mom’s plane took off at the same that Ty’s plane landed, it was perfect.  Or so we thought.  While in route to the airport, Fefe got notification that Ty’s plane had been delayed, his pilot was sick.  Fortunately, it was only an hour delay , so the timing still worked.  Meanwhile back at the homefront, Tre was finally waking up and that meant trouble for me because i was stranded on hangover island.  I mean it was so bad that the boy asked for gummies and i told him no, because it was too early for candy. Fast forward 20 mins and Tre says that he was hungry, I couldn’t phantom how close to death getting up and making breakfast would push me, so I hit an all-time Daddy low; I told Tre to go get some gummies for breakfast.  Smh, I know I know, please don’t think less of me, I was in dark place in my life.  As you could can see, we were in dire need of Fefe’s return.

Unbeknownst to me, Fefe wasn’t fairing to well, that one hour delay had turned into a 3hr delay.  The fact that the airport is 45 mins away from our home, coming back for a little rest wasn’t very practical.  However, practicality got thrown out of the window due to a wardrobe malfunction that Fefe experienced while en route to the airport. I know you’re wondering what type of malfunction she experienced, well all I’ll say is: an article of her clothing was soiled by a liquid substance, a liquid substance that could be classified as a bodily fluid, a bodily fluid that exits the body via the oral cavity.  Well I guess I pretty much painted that picture for you…moving on.

So Fefe came home, changed clothes, left right back out, returned two hours later with Ty and all was right with the world again.  Both of our hangovers were subsiding and we were extremely excited that Ty was back.  Now we could finally put a close to our 2011 Christmas chapter.  Ty was totally excited to see all of his gifts, but what nearly brought a tear to my cheek was the fact that he was even more excited about seeing all of us.  He took time out to give each of us hugs and kisses before even asking about opening gifts.  I felt that it spoke volumes to his character and it was one of the best Christmas gifts that I received.

We all sat down and gave Ty our full attention as he opened his gifts, it was like Christmas morning all over again.  A fascinating discovery was made during this time: wine and wrapping doesn’t mix (remember this from part 1?)  Apparently, Santa’s little helpers thought it was a good idea to give Ty a Xploderz gun from Fefe and I, but have Santa give him the ammo.  Another screw up came when the name tag on the gift said from Santa, but the actual gift said from Nani.  Luckily, we were able to circumvent these mistakes and keep Ty’s belief in Santa intact.  All in all, we had a great second Christmas and although it didn’t erase the fact that Ty wasn’t with us on the actual day, it did make up for it.

Never seen a kid so happy about a coffee mug

When it actually came time to ring in the New Year, we were so exhausted that there was no “party” left in us.  Ty was sleep, Fefe was half way there, I was considering moving one of the clocks ahead so we could just get it over with.  Tre was the only one ready and excited to ring in the New Year.  He was pumped as if 2012 was gonna be his year and his year alone!  We made it to watch the ball drop, toasted with some champagne, kissed, and then lights out.  By 12:14 we were all sleep.  It’s sad really, but hey, it gives us a whole lot of room for improvement next year.

Ready For The Big Moment

BOTTOM'S UP!!!!

It All Started With A Block Of Wood

This past Saturday, I sent out the following Tweet:

“

@KRob5858

As promised, the time has come, the moment of truth is finally here.  Were we triumphant in our derby race debut? Or did we literally crash and burn? Did the newcomer tag team duo walk away empty handed and heavy hearted in a Tebowesque manner? Or perhaps we silenced the naysayers, crushed the competion and walked away with the gold!  Given my history of luckluster performances in the home improvemnet department, I’m guessing you’ve already placed your bets and are ready to cash in on  where this story is headed.

The past few weeks have been littered with Derby Car activities.  Designing the car, cutting the car, sanding the car, painting the car, assembling the car.  It’s been car car car, you can probably imagine my level of discomfort with all of these tasks.  I’m fine and comfortable in my own skin being an unhandy handyman, but now the stakes were raised significantly higher; this time a little boy’s hopes and dreams were riding on my ability to lead him down the right path in the construction of his car.  With each passing day Ty’s excite,Eng grew, he had his sights set high, he not only wanted a cool car, but he also wanted a winner.  Both of which I knew deep in my heart were unattainable with me steering the reigns.

But as a Dad, all I could do was put my best foot forward and give it my all.  So I relied on my education and college degree to give us a fighting chance.  You may be thinking that I’m referring to my engineering background, but I’m not; unfortunately, I was too late to register for the Derby Car 101 class in college. Instead, I’m talking about my Googlenomics degree from G.U. I learned about aerodynamic design, weight balance, etc. Google gave me a tool deck necessary to at least show up to the competition with a fighting chance.  Unfortunately Ty took that chance, crumbled it up, poured lighter fluid on it, fired up a match, and smiled as he lit our chance on fire and watched it go up in flames!  He did this by being relentlessly tethered to his design idea.  Irregardless of my lessons handed down to him by me, from Google themselves; he was unwavering in his design idea.  That idea: a Indy car/pickup truck hybrid.  WHAT??? Can you be any more aerodynamically challenged than that? I was crushed, I saw the little hope that we had snatched from me in the blink of an eye.

But hey, this was Ty’s thing, his competition, so if he wanted a Indy pickup hybrid, then so be it. I wasn’t about to be one of “Those Dads”, I refused.  He could have his way, even if it meant throwing the race away.  So we went to a woodshop and got his car cut out. I was a little disappointed because we didn’t get to do much.  They cutting was handled by the woodshop pros, all Ty got to do was sand the car.  In my limited (read: non-existent) derby car experience, I was under the impression that the only thing left for us to do was put the wheels on and paint it.  I couldn’t have been more wrong; cutting the car out is only a small part of Derby Car construction, apparently wheel assembly and weight designation is where the big bang comes from.  I Ty was given another lease on life, even with his dysfunctional design, we may have a chance to actually compete!

Ty Hard At Work

So once again, I pulled out my Googlenomics degree and got us some info on good techniques. Ty and I worked feverishly together to pull everything together.  It was actually really fun teaching him about polishing axles and lubricating wheels.  By the end of the night, we had a car that I thought would not only finish the race but even have a chance of beating a car or two.

The Final Product

The DREAMcrusher

Then race day came and all of that confidence came crashing down.  I took one look at the competition and knew we were in for trouble.  A second look at the extremely LONG track and trouble was an understatement.  At that point the best that I could hope for was for our car to make it all the way down the track.  I also ran into a few of “Those Dads” that I mentioned earlier.  It was quite sad, one Dad even scolded his son for requesting to hold HIS car.  After that, my outlook took a completely different view.  It didn’t matter if Ty’s car had all its wheels fall off, the fact that we built it together and he was in charge of the direction construction took was enough to make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Some Of The Competition

More Competition

Well race time was upon us and we all waited patiently for Ty’s car to make its way to the track. Finally it was his turn and I prayed that his car made it to the finish line.  The look on the other kids faces when their cars didn’t finish was almost unbearable.  The whistle blew, the pins dropped and the cars were on their way.  Much to my surprise, Ty’s car was actually competing, keeping up with the other cars while going down the slop.  Then the cars hit the straight away and that’s when it happened.  That’s when I noticed Ty’s car take a commanding lead, decimating the competition by an entire second!!!  I couldn’t believe it, our car took freaking 1st place in the first race.  We were so excited! The 2nd and 3rd races yielded 2nd place results.  I was totally stunned, we were doing way better than I had anticipated.  Then the last race came and we pulled off another first place win.  This was unbelievable, our car did excellent and might even win a medal for 2nd place in our Den.  Ty was pumped and so was I as we quietly awaited the final results.

The results were in and Den #9 winners were being announced. Ty’s name wasn’t called for 3rd place, he looked disappointed.  I knew he had 2nd place on lock, so I wasn’t worried.  Ty’s name wasn’t called for 2nd place, now I looked disappointed; we had come so far and competed so hard to walk away empty handed.  That’s when 1st place was announced and Ty’s name was heard crystal clear.  It was amazing, we took first place in our Den, more than either of us imagined. But that wasn’t the end of it, the Pack (50 cars in total) were about to be announced.  Coming in 5th place, a 2 way tie, and one of those cars belonged to Ty. WHHHHAAAATTTT, we took 5th place, 5th freaking place? That means we get a trophy, a freaking trophy!!! Ty and I took his design from the little car who could and turned it into the little car that did!

WE WON!!!!!

1st-5th Place Pack Winners

Well Deserved Kiddo

I think I took the win more personal than Ty did, I may be the first person in history to “pop bottles” in celebration of a derby car victory.

The Small Things That Make Kids Happy

I looked out my window last night & the Christmas lights were still blaring bright, therefore, the extremely late holiday recap will continue. Today, I’ll give you guys a quick rundown of Tre’s birthday, but more importantly, discuss the difficulties and pitfalls associated with having a birthday that falls in between Christmas and New Year’s.
For some odd reason, this year, Tre was more excited about his birthday than he was about Christmas. I guess this year he truly understood that birthdays are special specifically for the birthday boy, while Christmas is shared by all.  And after stealing Ty’s shine on his birthday, why wouldn’t he be excited.  In the weeks leading up to his big day, we asked Tre what he wanted for his birthday

His response: “A CAKE”.

Ours: “Ummm, okay, what else do you want?”

His:  ”MY FRIENDS!”

Ours: “Duly noted, what about presents?

His: “BALLOONS!”

With his list of demands heard loud and clear, I chalked this us as a simple low cost birthday, no complaints here!

But then I got to thinking about it, perhaps Tre was asking for these types of things because he’s never had a real all out birthday bash type of party. Let me let you guys in on a little secret, having a birthday in between Christmas & New Year’s SUCKS! Each year we attempt to plan a nice party for Tre at a cool venue, but it inevitably falls thru.  People are just too busy with all the holiday hoopla to throw a birthday celebration into the mix as well.  So Tre ends up with a few friends over to the house and a small celebration.  We make sure that even though he’s being cheated on the festivities end, that his birthday is no less important than anyone else’s. He is always showered with tons of gifts, love, and attention from the moment he wakes up until the minute he goes to bed. But his requests had me wondering if that was enough, would he still feel special on his birthday without the big flashy party?

We were originally planning a Chuck E Cheese party, but as the number of available participants dwindled down to nearly zero, the plans changed to another year of celebrating at home.  The eagerness and anticipation he displayed in the days leading up to his birthday had me worried.  We only had two kids signed up to come over, yeah we had a cake, and yeah we had a TON of balloons, but would it be enough?  Would it be the party that his “almost” 4 year old heart desired?  After being awaken each and every morning and hearing “Daddy, now it’s only ‘X’ days until my birthday” for a week straight, my confidence in the answer being yes to the previous question shrunk exponentially.  The boy was clearly excited, I just hoped that we could provide him with whatever he had dreamed up in his little mind and had his hopes set on.

Well I was wrong, Tre loved his birthday! He would have been satisfied with just the few things he asked for.  When he woke up in the morning and came downstairs and saw balloons everywhere he light up like a light bulb.  He began jumping up and down, singing that it was his birthday and he got balloons!  The smile and excitement in his face was truly priceless.  I started to perk up, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.  When his friends arrived, he had so much spunk while welcoming them to his party that you would have thought he was a paid doorman.  Again, I perked up.  The kids played, not with the mountain of toys that were strategically placed throughout the house, but with the BALLOONS! Yes, the balloons that Tre so eagerly asked for was all that was needed to make his party a success.  Those three little boys played with those balloons for the entire duration of the party.  There were fights over the balloons, crying when a balloon was laid to rest (popped), and disagreements about how to play with the balloons.  I couldn’t believe it.

Yummm CAKE!!!

After playtime came cake time, we sung Happy Birthday, and Tre wasted no time blowing out his candles.  I’m almost positive that he didn’t make a wish, even if he claims otherwise.  He loved his Cars cake and now that he got everything that he asked for, his birthday was complete right?  Come on, who are we kidding?  As humble as this child was in his wish list for his birthday, there was no way that he was turning down gifts.  He eagerly opened his gifts, ripping the wrapping paper off with the skill of a well-seasoned vet; tossing clothes to the side, while examining toys with a curious eye. 

Too Much Cake Maybe?

Then he unwrapped his turtle, a turtle that oddly enough he had been asking for constantly, constantly until it came time to build a birthday wish list, strange I know.  He was ecstatic about the new turtle; unfortunately, the turtle didn’t share the same feeling, check the Twitvid below:

 Twitvid: “When being a pet owner goes wrong” http://www.twitvid.com/ALJ7R

After the party was over, we played and played and played.  We played so much that Tre didn’t want to leave the house.  He ended the night in typical Tre fashion: when it was time for bed, the tears began to flow and the dramatic super star that he is began to shine bright.  He threw his head into his hands and softly said “I can’t believe it”, confused, I asked “you can’t believe what buddy?”, he just responded again “I just can’t believe it Daddy, I just can’t”.  It took Fefe and her motherly ways to get him to open up and explain what exactly it was that he couldn’t believe.  It turns out that he couldn’t believe his birthday was over, he wanted it to last forever. Lol.

Well that let me know that he truly enjoyed his special day and it didn’t take a sweet 16 style party to make him happy.  I learned to listen to my kids and not to put my thoughts onto their requests from now on.  If the boy wants balloons, then dammit, I’ll give him balloons!

This friend was definitely a problem and I planned to make sure that Tre had no part of this lady’s perverted plan to befriend a 4 year old child.  I immediately told Tre to get away from her, that she has no business in our house.  The tears that almost immediately formed in his eyes let me know that this lady had a serious hold on him; he was completely enamored by her.  What type of magic was she working?  Whatever it was, it had Tre all wrapped up, he was googly eyed and trans-like as he pleaded with me to let his new friend, his best buddy as he called her, stay and play with him.  Obviously, her spell wasn’t restricted only to the littlest Keith, because for some odd reason, I agreed with Tre’s request and allowed this lady to play with my son.  It was against my better judgment, but between his tears and her persuasive nature, I felt powerless to stop it.

Tre was ecstatic, he played with the lady for hours, they were inseparable.  If you saw Tre, the lady was right by his side, it was quite concerning to say the least.  I felt powerless to the situation though, so all I could do is hope and pray that she got bored and left him alone.  I knew it would be devastating for Tre, but the relationship between him and this lady was unfit and quite frankly absurd, so I was willing to see his joy fade in order for justice to prevail.

Not long after, my prayers were answered, and I actually felt horrible.  The lady had left Tre, but not in the fashion that I had hoped.  As I looked over at the two of them, I noticed that the lady didn’t have as much spunk and pizzazz to her as when we were first introduced.  Upon closer investigation, I learned that the lady was dead.  Yes, the lady died right in our house, it was very eerie to say the least.  But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to tell Tre; he was so young, so sheltered, he had never dealt with death before.  I couldn’t let this be his first experience, not like this, not with a lady that took the time to befriend him, a lady that listened to his every word, a lady that brought him so much excitement.  I just couldn’t break his little heart!

So like any respectable father, I did what needed to be done. I went to the basement window where 3 or 4 ladybugs had gathered on this rather warm winter day, picked one up and slyly replaced his expired lady friend with the new one.  Tre never knew how close he came to losing a loved one that day and I came to terms with the fact that some relationships, no matter how odd they may seem are beneficial.

If You Look Close, You Can See The Lady Friend

That night, Tre placed his lady friend in a cup near his bed and the next morning was shocked to find out that the lady had “left” in the middle of the night.  Luckily, he understood that she had other things to do and wasn’t too concerned.  Ah finally, the lady sage is behind us, I don’t have to watch my son carry a bug around our home any longer.

Or so I thought.  Yesterday, I just got a text from Fefe saying that Tre found the ladybug.  You know, the dead one, the one that in my haste to replace, I flicked on the carpet somewhere and couldn’t locate it for the life of me?  Yeah that one, well he swears that his friend has come back to play with him and she’s just sleep right now, smh, here we go again.

Name:Hot Wheels Criss Cross Crash Track Set

Manufacturer: Mattel

Price:  $39.99

Length of Ownership: 3 weeks

Rating: 4 stars

Toy Review: Okay, here we go again, another Hot Wheels review.  Well let’s face it people, when it comes to little boys, Hot Wheels is the epitome of toy greatness.  So yes, this is another Hot Wheels Toy Review, but gosh darn it, its a really good one.

Tre has loved all of his older brothers Hot Wheels race tracks, so recently we’ve been branching out and buying him some of his own, at 4 years old, we weren’t quite sure how well the new tracks would go over, but we were pleasantly surprised at how quickly he took the it and mastered the technique required to operate his new Criss Cross Crash Speed Track, which is one of the more complex tracks that Hot Wheels offers.

The basic premise of the toy is four separate loops that all come to a 4way intersection in the middle of the track.  This is a motorized track so the action is pretty much guaranteed to be nonstop.  I’ve dealt with my fair share of race car tracks in the past and the biggest complaint with motorized ones, is that the tracks wobble and its impossible to keep the cars going for more than a few sections.  I’m hear to tell you first hand that when it comes to the Criss Cross Speed track, that is definitely not the case.  Once the cars get going, the keep moving until a crash occurs, for the most part.  It is quite refreshing to have a toy that allows a 4 year old to operate it flawlessly while keeping a 7 year old entertained as well.

So now that we know you can actually get a car on the track and keep it there, I know you’re wondering about the crashes?  That’s where things get just a tad bit tricky.  The cars are moving at such high speeds on the track that it can be a little difficult to add subsequent cars to the race.  This was a huge concern for me when Tre first started playing with this toy.  However, after a few short play sessions, he has actually mastered the timing to add cars, and has successfully added up to 4 at a time in some instances.  This is an added bonus in my book because it further develops his fine motor skills and timing recognition.  Something I’m quite sure Mattel wasn’t aiming for, but kudos to them for the success.

Now for the bad, as you can see, this toy didn’t get a 5 star rating.  That’s because as much as Tre (and I) love this toy, I do have a few concerns.  As with most Hot Wheels tracks, this one doesn’t work well with all cars, some perform better than others, while some cars don’t perform at all.  They lack the structure and weight to handle the curves.  It’s not a big deal if you have a wide variety of cars to chose from, but for those who do not, I can see it being a problem.  In addition, the nature of the crashes sometimes cause the cars to fly off of the track at an alarming speed and for a curious pre-schooler who likes to get in close to monitor the action, I can foresee a potentially serious injury occurring.  Lastly, this thing is a beast on batteries, 4 D batteries are required and you’ll definitely know when they start to lose juice.  We’re on our second set in 3 weeks, but hey, Tre loves this thing and plays with it constantly, so maybe it’s the user and not the product in this case.

The Verdict: This toy is Tre tested and Daddy approved.  But it now!!!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Well maybe sometimes it is.  But seeing as how my neighbors still have their Christmas lights on, I figured what the hell; let’s do the annual end of the year holiday recap right now, today.  Who cares that we’re a complete two weeks into the new year anyway?  These stories are timeless right? Better late than never right?  It’s better to finish the race last, than to not finish at all…right?  Okay, so have I completely talked myself out of being a lazy bum and slacking on the holiday post?  Yes you say, well great, let’s proceed with the recap of Christmas, Tre’s Bday, and New Year’s.

Christmas 2011

This year our Christmas was a little bit different than it has been in past years, this year, for the first time ever, Ty was not with us.  Let me be the first to tell you, it sucked!  It sucked for us, and I know it sucked for him, but as part of the ruling (read about that foolishness here), Ty was forced to spend Christmas week in NC.  We did have a few extra attendees for our Christmas day festivities, but neither my Mom nor the cameo appearance from Uncle Carl could make up for Ty’s absence.

We got the festivities started early this year in preparation for Ty’s departure.  We started a new tradition of cutting down our own Christmas Tree, (if you haven’t read about that, go do it now, it made the top 11 of ’11), made our annual ginger bread houses (this year featured a tree), and sang Christmas carols (with the help and assistance of the I Am T-Pain app).  So as you can see, each of our traditions had a little bit of something new to them; it seemed fitting since our biggest tradition of being a family on Christmas was forcefully being broken.

Open Up Wide Kiddo

Gingerbread Tree

Another twist to our Christmas traditions was the Christmas Eve wrapping marathon that Fefe embarks on every year.  Each year she is up until 1-2am wrapping gifts, which means I’m up until 2-3am organizing them under the tree.  This year, I implored her to start wrapping earlier in the week, she resisted and on Christmas Eve she was faced with a mountain of gifts, a mountain of paper, and only a small amount of time.  But this year was different, she called in for backup.  There was a 4 woman sweat shop going, and man where those woman efficient (or so I thought).  In addition to having help this year, Fefe (and crew) also helped herself to a few glasses of wine as well.  This seemed innocent at the time, but as we later found out, the drinking and wrapping tradition will not be making a repeat performance next year.

The Stage Is All Set

Christmas morning arrived and I couldn’t wait until Tre woke up so we could open gifts.  As some of you already know, when it comes to Christmas I’m a big kid.  I’m seriously considering seeking help for this condition.  By all logic, I should have grown out of it by now, but for the past 15 years, I have been unable to sleep for more than 3 consecutive hours on Christmas Eve.  This year taking the cake, raking in a whopping total of ZERO hours of sleep.  I felt like a crackhead, gifts being my poison.  By 5am, I was sneaking into Tre’s room, flicking his lights on and off, hoping to wake him up.  By 7, after watching A Christmas Story nearly 3 times back to back, I resorted to more drastic measures: let the dog out and throw his ball in Tre’s room.  It worked, a few minutes later Tre came stumbling into our room and “woke” me up.

The poor child was clearly still in a stupifiedsleepy state, I mean seriously, the boy woke me up and exclaimed that his socks came off.  You would have thought that our house was robbed and all of the gifts were gone by the way he sounded.  I couldn’t believe it, it’s Christmas morning and all Tre is concerned about was his stupid socks?  I’m gonna be honest, being a Christmas fanatic and all, it kinda pissed me off.  After waking Fefe up and wiping the crust out of her eyes, we all headed downstairs and the look on Tre’s face was priceless, I mean, you hear people talk about the money shot, this was definitely it!  He was super excited and couldn’t wait to tear into his gifts, but first we had to go wake up Nani and attempt to wake up Uncle Carl.  Once the gang was all together (with this exception of Uncle Carl) Tre went to work.

The Money Shot - Total Disbelief

The first gift he grabbed belonged to Ty, as did the second, and third.  Fortunately, we were quick enough to avoid any re-wrap situations and explained to Tre the importance of actually looking at the name on the present.  Things went a lot smoother after that conversation.  For some odd reason, Tre kept making reference to the sun and finishing this work (opening presents) before the sun came out.  I have no clue where this came from, or why it was so important to him to have all of his gifts opened before the sun came out.  It was extremely funny until he was unable to complete his goal, and was heartbroken. He was seriously upset, once the sun was up, he had a semi meltdown and gift opening had to be put on hold for a few minutes.  This was strange, but no stranger than his bow fetish from last Christmas.  Luckily, we were able to get back to our regularly scheduled program and enjoy an entire day of playing, and playing, and playing.

Tank Sporting His New Christmas Gifts

Check back tomorrow for the Bday update!  I’ll keep posting holiday themed posts for as long as my neighbors Christmas lights are up, because remember, it’s never too late.

#11 When The Wind Blows

When the wind blows, we move with it

Have you heard the news??? If you follow my Twitter or Facebook, then no doubt, you probably have.  If not, then start following, so that you aren’t the last to the party next time.  Okay, time to fill you in: We’re moving!!!!!!  No, not the Daddy’s Fish Bowl site, but our actual residence.  Our family is packing up and high tailing it from the great state of North Carolina all the way across the country to the Twin Cities in Minnesota.  Well I guess that isn’t all away across the country (I was never good in geography), but hey you get the point.

#10 One Man, One Saw, One Tree 

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

#9 The Boy In The Plastic Bubble 

Never A Good Sign

Last weekend I’m sure many of you saw my frantic tweets about Tre being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and being admitted into the ICU. You would think that seeing your child whisked away strapped to a gurney in an ambulance would be enough to frighten any parent, surprisingly however, I wasn’t shaken at all by the situation. If anything, I was a bit angry because I felt that the doctors and nurses were going extremely overboard. Well it turns out that Tre is quite a bit more fragile than I had ever anticipated and although he made it thru his hospital “bid” and got paroled early for good behavior, he clearly wasn’t put of the woods yet. Apparently the hospital stint was only the first hurdle for us to overcome in a long race against allergies and asthma.

#8 The Cheating Husband

Til Death Do Us Part...Maybe Not

Have you ever been accused of something that you know deep down in your heart, you didn’t do?  Have you tried to explain your side of the story, offering explanations, justifications, and just down right sound logic to no avail?  Only to have your accuser look at you with a condemning look that can make the most innocent man feel guilty.  If you have experienced these things, then you know exactly what I went through last night.  It was a horrible experience; it is over now, although the look on her face was one of distrust after our dialog was finished.  I don’t know where we stand after this, but one thing is for sure: I love my wife and would never break our sacred vows by cheating on her.

#7 The Sexist Toddler: Male Elitism At A Young Age

Boy Dog, Girl Dog, Who Cares Right?

I’m just going to be blunt here; Tre is a toddler sexist. I have to call it how I see it, even if that means bashing my own flesh n blood. The sad part is, I blame myself. Well not really, but whenever something goes wrong with a child, everybody rushes to blame the parents, so I figured I’d beat you guys to it. Apparently he’s been this way his entire life and I’m just now realizing it. Maybe deep down I’ve always known the truth, but did my best to suppress it in hopes that it would go away. However, lately, it has become undeniable; his blatant sexism and total disregard for the opposite sex is now too much to ignore. You may be wondering how is it possible that a toddler, a child so pure, so innocent could be labeled something as harsh as a sexist. Well it’s really pretty simple; he feels that the male persuasion is superior in every way, shape, and form (his words, not mine). How do I know this you say? I know this because Tre refuses to utilize feminine pronouns to address individuals belonging to the female gender. To Tre, everything is he, his, or him, regardless of the sex of the person he’s referring to. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems pretty sexist.

#6 Planes, Trains, & Automobiles 

All Packed & Ready To Go

Fefe & Tre come back to Minneapolis tonight, FOR GOOD this time and I thought it was only fitting to share with you the story of Tre’s first plane ride, train ride, and (Minnesota)car ride; which took place a little over a month ago when we made the trip to Minneapolis for the first time (and what we thought was the last time).  It was actually his second plane ride, but seeing as how he was only a few months old for the first one, I think this trip qualifies as his (un)official first trip on an airplane.

As with everything that Tre is involved in, associated with, or a part of, his plane ride was full of spectacle, laughter, drama, and pretty much plain ole pure entertainment.  So sit back, kick your feet up and get prepared to enjoy the Tre Variety Hour (or 15 mins in this case).

#5 Hoarders: The Toddler Edition

A Hoarder & His Stuff (Can You Find Him?)

For most people, breaking up is hard to do.  Whether it’s breaking up with a lover, a close friend, or a trusted colleague, it is never an easy task.  But what about breaking up with personal belongings?  Is that just as difficult as breaking up with a person?  If you ask Tre, his answer will most certainly be YES!  This past weekend, in preparation for our big move, we attacked out attic, as evidenced in the above photo.  During this 2-3 hour marathon cleaning session, we found old toys, old clothes, old pictures, pretty much just all things old!  But for one member of our family, old meant new and this daunting task turned out to be a 1940’s gold rush for him

#4 You Win Some, You Lose Some

Win, Lose, Or Draw?

From the look of the picture above, I guess it’s pretty safe to say that Ty lost this one. I really wish that I could tell you guys that this was an epic battle for the ages, complete with a training montage, Rocky Balboa style; but alas, I can’t. This thing was over before it even got started, I’m talking split second, one hitter quitter, wam bam thank you Ma’am. Looking at that picture, all I can think is, why my boy? What could I have done differently to protect him? The answer to those questions is staring me right in the face; I should have stopped this along time ago.

#3 Imitation Of Life 

Notice Anything Different?

Typically, I open these posts by beating around the bush, starting out with rudimentary questions and examples, ending on a cliffhanger and letting the situation unfold as the post goes on. Well I’m not going to do that today, I’m just gonna get straight to the point. That point is: Tre got his ear pierced this weekend. Yeah it looks cute, yeah he really loves it, and yeah he took the procedure like a champ. But none of that really matters. The only thing that matters in this story is the ‘why’ he got his ear pierced. The reason why he got it pierced can strictly be attributed to the imitation of life.

#2 Stay At Home Mom vs. The Working Dad

and the WINNER is....

Okay DFB family, time for a serious topic here at the bowl. As I write this, I have my vodka & cranberry sitting next to the computer; attempting to recover from the events that just took place in my household. Timeout, I know you may be thinking how dare he bring up a serious topic while under the influence? My response: some of the greatest ideas known to man were created while in a bar & written on a cocktail napkin! I’ve even included a reference. (editor’s note: the events actually took place 2 nights ago.  I guess there was more vodka than cranberry in that drink and I didn’t get a chance to finish the post).

And now for the NUMBER 1 post of 2011….

#1 As Evil As They Come

Apparently, Evilness & Fashion Sense Don't Go Hand In Hand

Have you ever met someone who was just down right mean? When I say mean, I’m talking about borderline evil! I have met such a person, I have looked them in their eyes and lowered my head in shame due to their behavior. It isn’t easy to stare down the face of evil and walk away unscathed, but somebody has to do it, someone has to stand up for the little people, and yesterday, that someone was Ty.

Honorable Mentions:

Coming Home With A Bang

The Naughty List (Part 2)

If you missed part one of this troubled tale, head on over and read it so you’ll have some context for the funny part 2 of this post!

As if the shame of enacting the Santa ClausE wasn’t weighing heavily enough on my conscious, Tre decided to jump in and be my assistant authority figure.  My assistant seemed to take much more pleasure in the naughty list punishment than I did however.  Typically, I don’t let the kids get involved in repercussions of each others disciplinary actions, but when Tre decided to ensure that Ty knew exactly what was looming over his head, I let it go.

Immediately after I finished writing my letter to Santa, Tre seemed as devastated as Ty.  This was the first that he had heard of a naughty list and the implications of having your name placed on it.  He had tons of questions:  Daddy, why is Ty on the naughty list, are you really going to mail that letter, Ty not gonna get NO presents, not NONE?  With each question, Ty’s sobbing multiplied on an exponential basis.  It was as if Tre was asking the exact questions that Ty wanted answers too and my responses weren’t exactly what he was looking for.  Tre seemed to genuinely be sad that he would have to carry the burden of opening Christmas gifts on his own.

The next morning, his sadness was quickly replaced with satire.  It was as if during his sleep, he got Inception’d.  I literally think Leonardo Dicaprio came to him and placed the idea in his head that no gifts for Ty meant more gifts for him.  Because the next morning, Tre was on the warpath, I mean truly ruthless.  As soon as Ty woke up, Tre asked him if he was on the naughty list, utilizing a tone and demeanor that could only be described as sinister.  Ty elected to ignore the question.  Tre, determined to get answers, especially since Leo had corrupted his pure young soul,  asked me the same question.  The conversation went something like this:

Tre: “Daddy, is Ty on the naughty list?”

Me: “Yes, Ty is on the naughty list”

Tre (turns to Ty): “Ty, you are on the naughty list and now you not gonna get no presents”.  By the conviction in his delivery, you would have thought that he was providing brand new information to Ty.

Ty (annoyed): “Okay Tre, I get it”

I think that Tre took this as a personal insult, how dare his question annoy Ty?  Especially with his current designation as a naughty list kid, who did he think he was?  So to get even, Tre decided to take it upon himself to try and get all of Ty’s gifts revoked, not just those coming from Santa.  Another conversation ensued:

Tre (in a quite eager voice): “Daddy, but Ty already got a present under the tree, he on the naughty list, so he don’t get NO presents right?”

***sidenote*** As if this statement wasn’t bad enough on its own, to make matters worse, the present under the tree that Tre was referring to is the one that HE bought for Ty.

Me: “Ty can have that present because it didn’t come from Santa”.

Tre: “Ty, you get one present for Christmas, just one, not a bunch of presents.  Only me, Mommy, and Daddy, and Tank would get lots of presents.

SMH, really Tre?  The dog?  You had to go as far as throwing the dog into the present mix as well?  Does his evil know no bounds? This had gone far enough, if the boy dug the dagger in any deeper, he’d be cutting thru the couch that Ty was sitting on.

I could tell that Ty was getting extremely upset by Tre’s innocent (but hurtful) banter.  To be honest, I didn’t feel that bad for Ty, I was actually happy that someone was reminding him of his misdeeds and subsequent consequence of those deeds other than myself or Fefe.  Maybe the ridicule that his little brother was providing would be the icing on the cake that allowed him to realize the error in his ways.

In Tre’s defense, he did take it upon himself to notify me that Ty had been good in school as soon as I came home from work.  He even campaigned for me to take the letter out of the mailbox so Santa won’t get it.  He was fighting for Ty’s freedom as if Ty offered up half of his allowance as incentive.  I was happy to hear that Ty had a successful day in school (even if it came from his campaign manager and not him), and I look forward to hearing about many more.

I don’t know if it was the threat of losing Christmas alone, or the fact that Tre added a little something on top, but Ty truly seems focused on turning his behavior around (even if it is only for the next 2 weeks).

To most, those words may sound like a harmless line from a children’s Christmas song, but to others, especially those who have not been on their best behavior, those words can haunt dreams and ruin lives.  Unfortunately, we have one of the “others” in our household this year.  Ty is currently feeling the wrath of Santa’s greatest ability: the ability to single handedly transform a child’s behavior with 3 magic words, “The Naughty List”.

On Friday, Ty’s report card came home; while his scholastic categories were excellent, his behavioral ones were not up to par.  This isn’t new news to us, as we’ve been dealing with behavior issues from him all year long.  He’s not listening in class, having trouble following directions, and isn’t obeying the rules.  It’s such a drastic change from last year; in kindergarten, he was the model student.  This year, not so much, it’s as if he has gone all Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde on us.  He’s Jekyll at home, and Hyde in school.  My expert clinical opinion on the matter is that Hyde thrives on attention and uses it as a source to bring his character traits to the forefront.  Apparently, Ty is very popular in his class this year and most of the kids look up to him; hence the continued emergence of Hyde.

Popular or not, one thing I refuse to tolerate is inappropriate behavior in school.  Our kids have a pretty good life and their only end of the bargain to uphold is to do well in school.  If they drop the ball on this, the gavel of Justice will reign down with the force of Judge William Adams.  Okay sorry, bad analogy, not funny, let’s move on.  We have tried many things to curb his need to impress his friends (which for some reason he feels can only be done by misbehaving).  Talks upon talks have yielded subpar results, removing television, gaming, and toy privileges have been met with mediocre success.  We’ve even gone as far as sending him to school in his play clothes and sneakers.  Since he puts such a high value on his appearance when it comes to school, we thought this would be the perfect solution.  But alas, the misbehavior continued! The issues subsides for a short period of time, then it rears its ugly head again.

So this time when we received the report card informing us of his continued inappropriate behavior, I took it personal.  I set out on a personal crusade to set this boy straight, even if it took everything I had!  What do most pioneers do when seeking success?  Rely on the resources of others of course; remember, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know and I just happen to be close personal friends with Santa.  I decided that it was time to bring my relationship with the big homie in red to the forefront.  I have very high values; however, fortunately for me, bribing my child with a fictional holiday character wasn’t written into my moral code.  So I pulled the Santa card.  I’m not proud of it, it’s not something I’ll write about in my New York Times best selling memoirs, but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

There was pure pandemonium in the house as I spoke dictation to myself while writing the note to Santa.  I ensured Ty heard every carefully picked word, so that he could feel the real impact of what was happening.  Santa was informed of Ty’s repeated misbehavior and of his broken promises.  A strong recommendation was made to move Ty to the naughty list and revoke any presents that were due to him on Christmas.  The tears flowed, the pleas were voiced, but it was too late.  Ty was going to suffer the consequences of his actions, and Santa was the executioner.  I did slip a clause in the letter, which gave Ty a way out, a chance to redeem himself before Christmas.  I let Santa know that I would be sending him another letter and ask him to move Ty back to the good list if and only if Ty could follow the rules at school like he is suppose to.

This was of little comfort to Ty at this point.  As far as he was concerned he was moments away from being on the naughty list and his Christmas was doomed.  After the tears dried, we sat down and explained how Ty could take the future of Christmas into his own hands and redeem himself.  We’ll see if he actually does or not.

I know that the threat of Christmas isn’t the best way to go, and ultimately I’ll have to put up (shut up isn’t an option) and withhold Christmas gifts if things don’t turn around.  Because what good is an empty threat?  I’ve pulled my trump card and if it comes to it, I’ll lay it down on the table with a big thud.  Hopefully, I won’t have to.

What are some other ways of modifying a child’s behavior in school that have been effective for you?  What do you do when your child’s need for peer attention outgrows his rationale thinking ability to do what he knows is right?  Weigh in with you hints and tips…you can even call it a Christmas gift if you like, and forget about that Maserati you were planning to send.

Check back tomorrow for part 2 of this story which features Tre and his own special form of discipline for Ty and his misbehavior.