The Laziest Lion's I've Ever Met

One of the major highlights of our recent trip back to Buffalo wasn’t even encountered in Buffalo.  That probably comes as no big surprise to any of my readers that know Buff on a more intimate basis.  For fun and thrills we traveled all the way to good ole Canada, and embarked on a mystical journey (eh – Canada speak) thru a treacherous jungle.  There were ferocious lions, tigers, and bears oh my (wait, that’s the wrong tagline, this isn’t Ringling Bros.), we had to fight off rabid monkey’s (wait, that was the new Planet of the Apes movie), and finally we danced with wolves; clearly I’ve been away from blogging for so long that I’m confusing fiction with my real life.  Bear (another animal reference) with me as I shake off the cobwebs and recap our trip to the African Lion Safari.

When we first planned our trip to Buff and decided to include a visit to the African Lion Safari, I was completely stoked.  I actually think it was one of the most anticipated activities on the list for me.  I remembered how much fun I had going there as a kid and couldn’t wait to share it with my boys.  I knew they would love it and it would be a great experience.  Unfortunately I was slightly mistaken, don’t get me wrong, the kids loved it.  They had a ball and enjoyed each and every minute of it. But me on the other hand, that’s a different story; the experience just wasn’t the same as I remembered it.  This greatly disappointed me; based off of my memories, I was expecting Kobe Beef instead I got lukewarm steak-ums.

My memories of the African Lion Safari contained images that I consider magical, images of various animals running rampantly through the jungle, monkeys swarming our car, giraffe’s coming to eat food straight from the palm of our hands.  Unfortunately for us, this was not the case during our visit.  The lions were sleeping and barely moved, the monkey’s were overweight and barely jumped, and the giraffe’s were too busy eating hay, or whatever the hell they eat to come over and get some of our delicious animal crackers.  I know you may be thinking that we are cruel individuals to try and feed the animals replicas of their own flesh and blood, but hey it’s all we had.

Do You Know The Color Of A Giraffe's Tongue?

It wasn’t all bad however, and truthfully if you were to ask the kids, their response would be that it was actually all good.  We did see a lion move his head, ONE monkey jumped on the car in front of us, we saw a herd of buffalo cross in front of our car, and we did get to feed an ostrich some of our tasty animal crackers.  I guess to a 3 and 6 year old those things are pretty amazing, they laughed, smiled, ooh’d, and ahh’d the entire time.  For Ty and Tre, the African Lion Safari was just as magical as I had promised it would be.  Fortunately for me, their limited worldly experience played in my favor and they were amazed, and I didn’t get their hopes up only to let them come crashing down.  But what about my hopes, my dreams, my memories?  This adventure didn’t live up to the hype that the 8yr old version of me had created and I was all but crushed by it.

Hungry???

I Always Thought Buffalo Were Cool Since I'm From Buffalo

This particular scenario seems to be occurring more frequently as the kids get older and I try to expose them to some of the things from my childhood that I vividly remember making me smile.  It’s happening so often that I’m beginning to question if this is a wide spread parenthood phenom, or is it isolated to me and my faulty memory.  Were the things that I experienced as a child truly perceived to be so great, or are these good times a figment of my imagination?  Did my parents endure boring activity after boring activity merely for the sake of my happiness?  It always appeared that they loved the activities we did, and I’m sure Tre and Ty feel the same way about me.  But the truth is, I didn’t enjoy it as an adult, it didn’t have the same spark that it had when I was a child.  I guess that’s normal though right?  What are your thoughts?

Class Of '01'

So I survived!!! The 10 year high school reunion has passed and I made it through in one piece.  There were no wedgies, no swirlies, and no cakings (It’s a Hutch Tech thing), there was just fun and good times to be had by all.  These are all heinous activities that you would expect to take place during high school and not 10 years later right?  Well I was under the same train of thought as well until my Mom decided to be a bit mischievous.  You see, I wasn’t the nicest guy in high school and some of those pranks I listed above (and worse) were pulled off quite frequently by your local resident blogger.  A few days before the reunion my Mom and Fefe started ganging up on me, they told me I better watch my back, check bathroom stalls before entering, and ensure there’s always a clear path to the nearest exit.  You see how mean and evil the people that I love can be?

After I lied to assured myself that these women were simply off there rocker and everyone in my school loved me, other fears began to set in.  The main one was, the fact that a 10 year reunion meant that I was really getting old.  Like really, it had been 10 years since I was a youthful kid, 10 years since my biggest concern was getting rid of a pimple on my forehead before a date, 10 years since life was utterly and completely worry free.  It didn’t seem that way at the time however; back then, in my eyes, my troubles were more profound than any of the issues that our last 3 presidents have had to face.  Yes, I am including Clinton and his Lewinski scandal.  10 years ago, a pimple had way deeper implications that getting a blow job in the oval office.

But now, 10 years later, I look back and laugh.  I was a kid, a stupid kid at that, and going to this reunion helped me realize that getting older isn’t always a bad thing.  In my case, it turned out to be a pretty good thing.  In these past 10 years, I’ve built a family, established a career, and most importantly stopped throwing people in trash cans.  Going to this reunion helped me realize that the good old, carefree days of the past are exactly that: old and of the past.

Seeing all of my classmates and catching up with everyone this past weekend was exactly what I needed.  I had a great time, got reconnected with some great people, and truly enjoyed myself.  You would think that for the reasons I just listed, I would call this reunion a success; but I can’t.  Not for those reasons at least.  That’s because the following lesson that I learned at this reunion surpasses those reasons by light years.  I learned that instead of worrying about getting older, I should be looking around and appreciating all the great things that age has brought me.  Just like me, all of my classmates have aged 10 years (except for Adam maybe, who I suspect has found the fountain of youth), and each and every one of them appreciate those 10 years for what it has provided and taught them.  Everyone was positive, upbeat, and excited about where their lives had taken them; once I felt that energy, I quickly forgot about that carefree life that seemed so great all those years ago and fell in love with age 28 Keith all over again.

Thanks class of 2001, cant wait until 2021 so we can do it all over again.

This Is Where I'm From

So today is my first day back to work, both in real life and on this blog.  After an 11 day hiatus, I must admit, it was extremely tough getting back into the swing of things.  But alas, here I am blogging my little heart out; ready to spill all the gory details regarding our recent trip to the mean streets of Buffalo, NY.  After 3 years of being away from my hometown, a 10 year high school reunion presented the perfect excuse for a return trip back.  The reunion was the reason that brought us back to Buff, but surely wasn’t the only thing we had on our agenda during our stay.  I’ll be doing a series of short posts detailing the various aspects of our trip, so be sure to check back regularly to ensure you don’t miss any of the excitement.  The first post in the series will be about my experience at my 10 year high school reunion, click the link to check it out.  But before you do, be sure to check out the 10 most important things that I learned from this recent trip to my hometown.

1. Buffalo has changed a lot

2. Buffalo hasn’t changed at all

3. You can’t make up for 3yrs in 8 days. There will inevitably be some people that you don’t get to see

4. Moms cooking can erase 4months of weight loss in one quick week

5. Strip Clubs can be very dangerous places

6. As an aging adult, 4am is now waaaayyyy too late for bars & clubs to stay open

7. $2000 is not too much to pay for plane tickets to avoid a 16hr car ride with a 6 & 3yr old

8. Long distance grandparents are the best babysitters in the world

9. High School class reunions aren’t as popular as they once were

And last but not least

10. There is no place like home (I just can’t stay there for extended periods of time)

Ready For Santa

Since this is the last day of the first week of the New Year (wow, that’s a mouthful), I figured, that it’s the last opportunity to share a quick holiday re-cap with you guys. I didn’t blog much over the holidays and during that time we had Christmas, Tre’s Birthday, and New Years. I wouldn’t be much of a Daddy Blogger if I didn’t share the share a few highlights from these events. Of the three holidays that occurred during my vacation, I’d have to say Christmas was my favorite. We had a ball celebrating each of the days, but for some reason Christmas was pure comedy from start to finish, so let’s start there.

Christmas

Cookies & Milk For Santa

Ty set the tone for the comical events that occurred during our Christmas celebration. Every year, on Christmas Eve we put out “reindeer food” around the outside of the house, make Santa some cookies, and watch a Christmas movie before getting the kids to bed. This year, Ty was so excited about Christmas that he requested to begin these activities around 4PM. Typically, we don’t get started with these festivities until it gets dark outside, but Ty was in a rush to get to bed so he wanted to start early. We didn’t start until our normal time, but that didn’t stop Ty from asking to go to bed at 6:30pm, he said he was fine with skipping the movie and letting his little brother make the cookies for Santa, he just NEEDED to get to sleep. This may not be funny to you, but it’s coming from a boy who pouts and moans and frowns every night before bed, he pleads and procrastinates every single night. But tonight, on Christmas Eve, he was ready to go before his bedtime; I had half a mind to let him do it!

Couldn't Even Get The Top Of The Tree

After our family festivities were completed and we ensured the boys were fast asleep, it was time for some Egg Nog & Brandy and to begin the present wrapping marathon. This is about the time that I usually tap out of the fun and let Fefe take the reins. Wrapping is not my specialty and I don’t pretend that it is. Fefe started wrapping gifts around 9:30pm and finished around midnight. I started to feel sorry for her until I realized that once she finished, it’d be my job to bring the gifts downstairs and arrange them under the tree. This another 30 minutes and came between me and “A Christmas Story” which is the best Christmas movie ever made!!! By 1am Fefe and I were tucked in bed preparing for some much needed rest so that we would be able to function through all the unwrapping, assembly, and playing that would follow the next morning. For some reason, I couldn’t fall asleep until 4am. Those that know me, already know what that reason is: I’m a big kid and to this day, I still get excited about Christmas morning. It’s sad actually and I’m seeking help from a therapist!!!

Half Of Tre's Bow Collection

Christmas morning, Tre wakes up around 6:45am, which means I’m running on 2hrs of sleep. We wake up Ty and head downstairs, the way their faces lit up was priceless and as always, made it all worth it. This year since my parents couldn’t make it, we used FaceTime to share the Christmas morning joy with them. Once we got the connection established, it was time to rip open some gifts; or so we thought. Tre had other plans, before he could open one present, the boy walked around the tree and collected every bow that he could find. Ty deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for his patience, because if it were me, I probably would have snapped and ruined Christmas. Once Tre was satisfied with his bow collection, we began; Ty at a lightening pace, Tre slow & steady. Tre would not move on to a new gift until he cleared all of the wrapping paper from his immediate vicinity. Weird kid, I know. Do to his antics, our gift opening took a total of 3hrs. Needless to say, I was exhausted!

Call In The Clean Up Crew!!!

The rest of the day was filled with assembling toys, playing with toys, popping 5 hr energy drinks and having a merry ole time. That night, we had a bunch of friends come over and played the “Game of Things”, watched Kevin Hart’s “Seriously Funny” for the millionth time, got drunk, and had a snowball fight at 3am. Now that’s what I call a good time!

Tre’s Birthday

Happy Birthday!!!

On December 29th, Tre turned 3yrs old. To him, it’s just another number, to me, it signifies that he is finally able to hit the mean streets of Raleigh and pull his own weight to make a living for himself!!! Oh wait, that’s age 18, sorry, getting a tad bit ahead of myself there. Anyways, we had a party scheduled at the Kazoom puppet theater for Tre’s bday, but unfortunately all of his little friends were sick so we had to cancel. Cancelling his party was tough, because we always try to go above and beyond on his birthday to make him feel extra special. I’ve always felt that it sucks to have a birthday anywhere near Christmas because you get lost in all of the holiday cheer and your special day becomes diluted. We intend to never let that happen to Tre, as tough as it may be, I’m going to stand firm on this issue.

Tre Making Waffles

The Final Product

Since we had to cancel his party, we proclaimed Dec. 29th “Tre Day” and kicked it off with a very special breakfast for the birthday boy. He got to help make homemade waffles with strawberries. Unfortunately, he was so busy thinking about birthday cake that he didn’t get to enjoy his breakfast much. He flat out refused to eat it! After breakfast, we went to Kazoom as a family, and they pulled him on stage and the entire crowd sung Happy Birthday to Tre, he got a kick out of it and I think that went a long way towards making him feel extra special. We decided to have a family get together at the house so that Tre could celebrate his birthday with those he loved. His aunts, cousins, and friends came over for his mini party and made sure he was the center of attention. We had a sports marathon using Tre’s Christmas gifts, the winner of the bowling, baseball, and basketball competition got a really cool Mickey Mouse sticker. You’d be surprised at how competitive grown adults can get when a prize is involved. Once it got time to sing Happy Birthday, and eat some cake, I knew Tre would be thrilled; it was all he talked about for the past 2 days. Remember I told you he was a weird kid? Well, he refused to eat any of his cake. We tried so hard to get him to try it, but he just flat out denied all requests. I don’t get it, maybe the anticipation was too much for him and once the moment of cake finally came, he didn’t know how to accept it, lol. We ended the day with a piñata and birthday gifts. Tre’s swings at the piñata were pitiful at best, his speed of opening gifts was even worse. But hey, it was Tre Day, so you couldn’t fault the little guy.

One Of The Sticker Winners

New Years Eve

Wow this post is getting really long, so let’s wrap this up quickly. New Years Eve, we went to a friend’s house for a party, got drunk and brought in the New Year with friends and loved ones. Here are a few pics of that night, which I don’t remember. Needless to say, my entire New Years Day was spent sick in bed.

The Boys (Tre Snuck In)

The Gangs All Here

The Nail In The Coffin

Now that I’ve got your attention, & you’ve popped the popcorn & settled in to read this graphic “tell all” post about our wild and crazy Vegas adventure, I have to let you know that it was anything but wild & crazy. It was more like tame & lazy. I said this trip was one to remember & it was, because it truly showed me how much I’ve changed in these short few years since children have become a part of my life.

I listed a few crazy activities at the beginning of this post, followed by a check to signify that they occurred. But now with the revelation that this trip was anything but hot & steamy, you may be feeling cheated, like I lied to you. Well rest assured, your resident Daddy blogger has the utmost respect for you guys & continues to keep his dignity intact. There were prostitutes involved in this trip; I grabbed several calling cards from the street vendors for inclusion in Fefe’s upcoming scrapbook. So we did have somewhat of an encounter with the ladies of the night. Also, there was definitely a Vegas scam being run. Unfortunately, I was the recipient & not the conductor (more on this later).

This all feeds into my realization of how much I’ve changed (in my mind for the better). During my only other Vegas trip, I was essentially a vampire; sleeping during the day, partying all night & then scurrying back to the hotel as the sun came up. This time around, I was a full blown tourist, waking up at the crack of dawn to go see the sights, & barely staying awake past midnight. During my last trip, I got hustled by a tag team of strippers (a story for another time that I’ll never tell). This time, I got hustled by street vendors while I was attempting to get my son a great souvenir (See Vids Below). This trip, I went to see a few of the shows Vegas has to offer. Cirque du Soleil’s “O” & The Price is Right were both awesome & I highly recommend them, even though the Price is Right gets added to the long list of Vegas scams in my book. But the point is, this time around, I did old people stuff (sorry old people) and went to view some of the shows Vegas is famous for, while during my last visit, we basically created our own show which could have made Vegas famous had it not already been a world renown city.

Video #1 – Street Vendors Performance: So as we were walking the strip, we ran across this ultra cool demonstration of a “magical” pet. As you can see from the vid, it follows you everywhere.  I immediately thought how cool it would be for Ty and purchased it after a quick “tutorial”.

Video #2 – Ty’s Performance: Boy oh boy was I disappointed when we got it home and found out the stupid thing was just attached to a string, did you see a string in that damn video? I sure didn’t!  Suprisingly, Ty still loved it and is convinced that he’s a master magician now, although after watching his performance you may choose to disagree, lol. Enjoy.

All in all, this was a great way to celebrate the wife’s birthday. We had a great time seeing the sights and hanging out with friends.  It was also damn nice to get away from the kids for a bit, but to be honest, I really missed them.  As much as I tried not to admit it, those little buggers were on my mind constantly, as witnessed by my FaceTime calls every time I got around some free wifi.  Vegas showed me many things this time around, but most importantly, it showed me that I’m a Dad and being a Dad is what I love to do. Things that used to excite me, just don’t anymore. At first I was saddened by this fact, but when I really think about it, there’s nothing to be sad about. I have an entire new catalog of things that excite me now and they all stem from Ty & Tre.  When you compare those two little guys to clubs, gambling, and strippers, I say Ah, Vegas, you can keep that stuff, I’ve got all the excitement I need.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had the opportunity to go out without the kids every now and then.  It would usually only be for a few hours, to go catch a movie or grab some dinner.  But at the end of the day, we both knew that we were going home to the kids and playtime would start bright and early.  But this weekend was different, they were GONE and we were free for the entire weekend.  Free to go where we wanted.  Free to sleep in.  Free to do anything that our little hearts desired.  Oh we both were looking forward to this freedom, if only for a weekend, but no one told us that freedom came with a price.

My buddy just bought a condo out in Maryland and we decided to use this opportunity to take a road trip and go visit.  We haven’t been able to get out there without the kids in quite a while, so this was the perfect time to celebrate.  Our first night we went out to the bar, while the drinks were plentiful (sake bombs, cape cods, margaritas) and ever lasting, I was still able to hold my composure.  My other half, not so much!  We’ve all seen the little measuring cups that accompany liquid medicine right?  Well fill one of those up with some alcohol and that’s all it takes to get Fefe drunk.  She knows this, I know this, and because of this and the fact of the kids, she doesn’t drink to often.  But wait, the kids are gone right, we’re on vacation right, oh what the hell, just let loose.  Letting loose would be an understatement, after a few drinks she was on a roll and there was no stopping her.  Fefe is a friendly and talkative drunk, so the night was filled with meeting & greeting strangers, very loud incoherent conversations, a foot race, and getting stuck in a revolving door.  At one point, Fefe walks up to a complete stranger and says “Hi, I’m Fefe, that guy there is my husband and he’s very jealous, hopefully he won’t come over here and kick your butt”.  As you can see, these are antics that wouldn’t normally surround our lives had the kids been around.  Where is the regulation when you need it?  Oh yeah, I forgot, we ditched our regulators.

Now I haven’t forgotten about myself, I too acted a fool during this weekend.  I just decided to put my behavior at the end of the post so that maybe you’ve gotten tired of reading by now and have already stopped.  If not, and you’re still with me, here we go. 

If a medicine measuring cup gets Fefe drunk, it’d take the whole bottle for me.  Seeing that the kids weren’t around, the whole bottle is what I took the next night.  After waking up at around 11am on Saturday, I felt great.  I watched some recording of Fefe last night and had a good laugh.  We eventually started our day around 3pm.  First thing we do is hit up a wine bar, yup 3 in the afternoon and we don’t have any kids so what shall we do? Oh I know, let’s go drink.  The wine bar was cool, we had a good time and no harm was done.  Next we decide to check out a movie, we saw “A Perfect Getaway” I’d avoid it if I were you.  But we couldn’t just go watch a movie like normal adults, nope; the kids were gone so this has to be a super movie event.  Let’s sneak in water bottles filled with alcohol and drink during the movie.  Again, no real harm done, maybe we were a tad bit talkative, but nothing major.  I told you I drink like a fish, so this was cake!  I was so wrong.  Fefe’s a friendly, talkative drunk; me on the other hand I’m a mean and angry drunk.  After the movie we went to grab some food and that’s where the trouble started.  Our waiter at “Pelican Pete’s” was a total butt hole!  Not to be outdone in the butt hole hall of fame, it was up to my drunken self to match wits with this guy.  He refused to break our checks up separately so I refused to calculate how much I needed to pay.  This became a big ordeal, and to add insult to injury I smeared marinara sauce all over the table before we left.  Actions like this make me question if we got rid of the kids or did they ditch us?  We get back to my buddies house and I’m still upset, solution, let’s open another bottle of liquor.  Heavy drinking ensues for the next few hrs, and the night ends in a stupid argument caused by me.

The next morning, I wake up after about 4 hrs of sleep and its time to head back.  I still felt and apparently acted drunk so Fefe drove back.  I can usually hold my liquor pretty well & since the kids are always around, hangovers don’t come to visit me too often anymore.  But the kids weren’t around and the hangover must have known because on our way home it hit, and it hit hard.  6 hours in a car and being hungover is not a good combination.  After vomiting 3 times (once in a plastic grocery bag, inside the car) I came to the realization that my kids keep me grounded, and without them we’re like caged animals who have just been released into our natural habitat, chances of survival are very low!!!

The Kids on the Luggage Cart

This past weekend we took our first “real” family vacation together.  We went to Wrightsville Beach in Wilmington, NC and stayed at the Marriott in continuation of Fefe’s birthday celebration.  Don’t get me wrong, we’ve gone on family vacations before but it’s always been to visit friends or family.  This is the first time we’ve gone to a destination specifically for the purpose of visiting an event or attraction at that location.  With that being said, this trip was absolutely wonderful, we enjoyed many different activities and in general had a great time.  I’m not going to go into detail regarding all aspects of the trip in this post, maybe at a later date.  Rather, I’ll share with you the experiences during our time spent in the hotel.

If you’ve ever stayed in a hotel as a kid, then you already know of the fun to be had.  If not, then I would suggest you finish reading this post, go book a room at your local hotel, and follow the information below as an apology to your inner child.  Somehow it is engrained in children’s minds that when you’re at a hotel you get to do certain things that you’re not allowed to do at home.  My theory on how they know this: at birth when the baby is taken away for screenings and such, they are actually injecting a kid version bucket list – “Things To Do Before You Grow Up”.  Now that Dr. Keith has offered his expert opinion, we’ll get back to the story.

Nighty Nite

There are certain Rules of Engagement that are outlined in the Hotel Geneva Convention that should be followed once the battle for fun begins.  First up is staying up late, during our stay Ty was a valiant warrior.  He outlasted Tre every night, but still fell victim to the sleepies before midnight each day, he tried but score 1 for the hotel.  The next rule: Bed Jumping, whenever there are two beds in the hotel room you are obligated to jump back and forth between them (see video below).  The hotel put up a good fight, even going as far as bouncing Ty into the wall after one of his super jumps.  But in the end, the kids were victorious, as a little bump on the head wasn’t enough to slow Ty down, score 1 for the kids.  A personal favorite of mines is riding the luggage cart.  This event didn’t go over too well as Tre wouldn’t stay on the cart long enough to get it moving.  You could see Ty’s growing frustration with his teammates lackluster performance, score 1 for the hotel.  Lastly, is the coveted pillow fight, in which the only way to win is to cause feathers to fly.  Although a 15 min pillow fight ensued, no feathers were observed, score 1 for the hotel. 

Sensing that his team was loosing the battle, Tre decided it was about time to break the Rules of Engagement and fight dirty.  While I was sleeping, someone who shall remain nameless gave Tre Cheetos.  Tre took those Cheeto commercials to a whole new level.  When I woke up, the white bed sheets and pillow cases were covered in orange.  I mean it was everywhere, had it been red you would have thought someone had been murdered in that bed.  Score 1 for the kids.  After his Cheeto fiasco, he decided to take it one step further and unleash one of the stinkiest diapers known to man.  This dirty diaper was so ferocious and humongous that it seeped out of his diaper and got smeared all over the chair that he was sitting in.  I tried to get it all up, but decided just flipping the seat cushion over was a better idea; again score 1 for the kids.  When we went to the pool, Tre decided to bring an apple empanada along with him.  He must have been hiding it in his diaper or something, like the babies on that show Rugrats.  Anyways, so we’re at the pool and the next thing you know Tre has a mouth full of empanada and the pool is full of floating pieces of apple and pie crust.  Fefe attempted to retrieve the pieces of food to no avail; hopefully none of the other guests swallowed any pool water tainted with Tre’s undigested snack.  Score 1 for the kids.

When it was all said and done, that hotel room & surrounding areas took a beating.  The kids enjoyed themselves and Ty even went as far to suggest that we stay in a hotel every weekend when we’re bored.  This trip brought back many memories of my own childhood and I’m glad we were able to take it.  One word of advice: if you plan on visiting Wrightsville beach in Wilmington and stay at the Marriott, avoid room 204 at all costs.