HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Oh Wait, We're A Little Late For That

Well, here you have it folks, we’ve reached the third and final installment of our it’s never too late series. Believe me, I know that I’m totally pushing the boundaries of that statement seeing as how it’s Jan 31st and I’m still blogging about New Years. But oh well, what can you do ya know? The neighbors Christmas lights are still on, so I’m gonna keep this holiday posts party going.

New Years Eve was a lot of things this year, it was filled with a range of emotions ranging from excitement to regret, all the way to sickness (wait, is sickness an emotion? Well for all intents and purposes of this blog post it is).  To truly understand why NYE was a total emotional roller coaster, we must first take a look at the day before NYE, it was this day that led to many of the unfavorable emotions that were experienced.  Since it was the last day before my Mom left, we decided to have a few friends over to the house and by a few, I mean two; well that didn’t exactly go according to plan.  Somewhere along the line, someone (being me) decided that since Mom was leaving on NYE, we could use this as an opportunity to celebrate with friends we wouldn’t see on the holiday due to having no sitter. Probably not the smartest idea, but hey, what’s done is done.

So our two turned into about 12 and we got the party started!!! It was a great time, we really enjoyed the company, the drinks, the laughs, the drinks, the entertainment, and of course the drinks.  Can you guess which one of those things led to the majority of our discomfort the next day? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t the freaking laughs! The issue at hand here is that we had to be up at 7am to take my Mom to the airport, the fact that we didn’t go to bed until 3am presented a bit of a problem.   We woke up, but boy it wasn’t pretty, that’s all I’m gonna say about the subject.

My Mom’s plane took off at the same that Ty’s plane landed, it was perfect.  Or so we thought.  While in route to the airport, Fefe got notification that Ty’s plane had been delayed, his pilot was sick.  Fortunately, it was only an hour delay , so the timing still worked.  Meanwhile back at the homefront, Tre was finally waking up and that meant trouble for me because i was stranded on hangover island.  I mean it was so bad that the boy asked for gummies and i told him no, because it was too early for candy. Fast forward 20 mins and Tre says that he was hungry, I couldn’t phantom how close to death getting up and making breakfast would push me, so I hit an all-time Daddy low; I told Tre to go get some gummies for breakfast.  Smh, I know I know, please don’t think less of me, I was in dark place in my life.  As you could can see, we were in dire need of Fefe’s return.

Unbeknownst to me, Fefe wasn’t fairing to well, that one hour delay had turned into a 3hr delay.  The fact that the airport is 45 mins away from our home, coming back for a little rest wasn’t very practical.  However, practicality got thrown out of the window due to a wardrobe malfunction that Fefe experienced while en route to the airport. I know you’re wondering what type of malfunction she experienced, well all I’ll say is: an article of her clothing was soiled by a liquid substance, a liquid substance that could be classified as a bodily fluid, a bodily fluid that exits the body via the oral cavity.  Well I guess I pretty much painted that picture for you…moving on.

So Fefe came home, changed clothes, left right back out, returned two hours later with Ty and all was right with the world again.  Both of our hangovers were subsiding and we were extremely excited that Ty was back.  Now we could finally put a close to our 2011 Christmas chapter.  Ty was totally excited to see all of his gifts, but what nearly brought a tear to my cheek was the fact that he was even more excited about seeing all of us.  He took time out to give each of us hugs and kisses before even asking about opening gifts.  I felt that it spoke volumes to his character and it was one of the best Christmas gifts that I received.

We all sat down and gave Ty our full attention as he opened his gifts, it was like Christmas morning all over again.  A fascinating discovery was made during this time: wine and wrapping doesn’t mix (remember this from part 1?)  Apparently, Santa’s little helpers thought it was a good idea to give Ty a Xploderz gun from Fefe and I, but have Santa give him the ammo.  Another screw up came when the name tag on the gift said from Santa, but the actual gift said from Nani.  Luckily, we were able to circumvent these mistakes and keep Ty’s belief in Santa intact.  All in all, we had a great second Christmas and although it didn’t erase the fact that Ty wasn’t with us on the actual day, it did make up for it.

Never seen a kid so happy about a coffee mug

When it actually came time to ring in the New Year, we were so exhausted that there was no “party” left in us.  Ty was sleep, Fefe was half way there, I was considering moving one of the clocks ahead so we could just get it over with.  Tre was the only one ready and excited to ring in the New Year.  He was pumped as if 2012 was gonna be his year and his year alone!  We made it to watch the ball drop, toasted with some champagne, kissed, and then lights out.  By 12:14 we were all sleep.  It’s sad really, but hey, it gives us a whole lot of room for improvement next year.

Ready For The Big Moment

BOTTOM'S UP!!!!

It All Started With A Block Of Wood

This past Saturday, I sent out the following Tweet:

“

@KRob5858

As promised, the time has come, the moment of truth is finally here.  Were we triumphant in our derby race debut? Or did we literally crash and burn? Did the newcomer tag team duo walk away empty handed and heavy hearted in a Tebowesque manner? Or perhaps we silenced the naysayers, crushed the competion and walked away with the gold!  Given my history of luckluster performances in the home improvemnet department, I’m guessing you’ve already placed your bets and are ready to cash in on  where this story is headed.

The past few weeks have been littered with Derby Car activities.  Designing the car, cutting the car, sanding the car, painting the car, assembling the car.  It’s been car car car, you can probably imagine my level of discomfort with all of these tasks.  I’m fine and comfortable in my own skin being an unhandy handyman, but now the stakes were raised significantly higher; this time a little boy’s hopes and dreams were riding on my ability to lead him down the right path in the construction of his car.  With each passing day Ty’s excite,Eng grew, he had his sights set high, he not only wanted a cool car, but he also wanted a winner.  Both of which I knew deep in my heart were unattainable with me steering the reigns.

But as a Dad, all I could do was put my best foot forward and give it my all.  So I relied on my education and college degree to give us a fighting chance.  You may be thinking that I’m referring to my engineering background, but I’m not; unfortunately, I was too late to register for the Derby Car 101 class in college. Instead, I’m talking about my Googlenomics degree from G.U. I learned about aerodynamic design, weight balance, etc. Google gave me a tool deck necessary to at least show up to the competition with a fighting chance.  Unfortunately Ty took that chance, crumbled it up, poured lighter fluid on it, fired up a match, and smiled as he lit our chance on fire and watched it go up in flames!  He did this by being relentlessly tethered to his design idea.  Irregardless of my lessons handed down to him by me, from Google themselves; he was unwavering in his design idea.  That idea: a Indy car/pickup truck hybrid.  WHAT??? Can you be any more aerodynamically challenged than that? I was crushed, I saw the little hope that we had snatched from me in the blink of an eye.

But hey, this was Ty’s thing, his competition, so if he wanted a Indy pickup hybrid, then so be it. I wasn’t about to be one of “Those Dads”, I refused.  He could have his way, even if it meant throwing the race away.  So we went to a woodshop and got his car cut out. I was a little disappointed because we didn’t get to do much.  They cutting was handled by the woodshop pros, all Ty got to do was sand the car.  In my limited (read: non-existent) derby car experience, I was under the impression that the only thing left for us to do was put the wheels on and paint it.  I couldn’t have been more wrong; cutting the car out is only a small part of Derby Car construction, apparently wheel assembly and weight designation is where the big bang comes from.  I Ty was given another lease on life, even with his dysfunctional design, we may have a chance to actually compete!

Ty Hard At Work

So once again, I pulled out my Googlenomics degree and got us some info on good techniques. Ty and I worked feverishly together to pull everything together.  It was actually really fun teaching him about polishing axles and lubricating wheels.  By the end of the night, we had a car that I thought would not only finish the race but even have a chance of beating a car or two.

The Final Product

The DREAMcrusher

Then race day came and all of that confidence came crashing down.  I took one look at the competition and knew we were in for trouble.  A second look at the extremely LONG track and trouble was an understatement.  At that point the best that I could hope for was for our car to make it all the way down the track.  I also ran into a few of “Those Dads” that I mentioned earlier.  It was quite sad, one Dad even scolded his son for requesting to hold HIS car.  After that, my outlook took a completely different view.  It didn’t matter if Ty’s car had all its wheels fall off, the fact that we built it together and he was in charge of the direction construction took was enough to make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Some Of The Competition

More Competition

Well race time was upon us and we all waited patiently for Ty’s car to make its way to the track. Finally it was his turn and I prayed that his car made it to the finish line.  The look on the other kids faces when their cars didn’t finish was almost unbearable.  The whistle blew, the pins dropped and the cars were on their way.  Much to my surprise, Ty’s car was actually competing, keeping up with the other cars while going down the slop.  Then the cars hit the straight away and that’s when it happened.  That’s when I noticed Ty’s car take a commanding lead, decimating the competition by an entire second!!!  I couldn’t believe it, our car took freaking 1st place in the first race.  We were so excited! The 2nd and 3rd races yielded 2nd place results.  I was totally stunned, we were doing way better than I had anticipated.  Then the last race came and we pulled off another first place win.  This was unbelievable, our car did excellent and might even win a medal for 2nd place in our Den.  Ty was pumped and so was I as we quietly awaited the final results.

The results were in and Den #9 winners were being announced. Ty’s name wasn’t called for 3rd place, he looked disappointed.  I knew he had 2nd place on lock, so I wasn’t worried.  Ty’s name wasn’t called for 2nd place, now I looked disappointed; we had come so far and competed so hard to walk away empty handed.  That’s when 1st place was announced and Ty’s name was heard crystal clear.  It was amazing, we took first place in our Den, more than either of us imagined. But that wasn’t the end of it, the Pack (50 cars in total) were about to be announced.  Coming in 5th place, a 2 way tie, and one of those cars belonged to Ty. WHHHHAAAATTTT, we took 5th place, 5th freaking place? That means we get a trophy, a freaking trophy!!! Ty and I took his design from the little car who could and turned it into the little car that did!

WE WON!!!!!

1st-5th Place Pack Winners

Well Deserved Kiddo

I think I took the win more personal than Ty did, I may be the first person in history to “pop bottles” in celebration of a derby car victory.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Well maybe sometimes it is.  But seeing as how my neighbors still have their Christmas lights on, I figured what the hell; let’s do the annual end of the year holiday recap right now, today.  Who cares that we’re a complete two weeks into the new year anyway?  These stories are timeless right? Better late than never right?  It’s better to finish the race last, than to not finish at all…right?  Okay, so have I completely talked myself out of being a lazy bum and slacking on the holiday post?  Yes you say, well great, let’s proceed with the recap of Christmas, Tre’s Bday, and New Year’s.

Christmas 2011

This year our Christmas was a little bit different than it has been in past years, this year, for the first time ever, Ty was not with us.  Let me be the first to tell you, it sucked!  It sucked for us, and I know it sucked for him, but as part of the ruling (read about that foolishness here), Ty was forced to spend Christmas week in NC.  We did have a few extra attendees for our Christmas day festivities, but neither my Mom nor the cameo appearance from Uncle Carl could make up for Ty’s absence.

We got the festivities started early this year in preparation for Ty’s departure.  We started a new tradition of cutting down our own Christmas Tree, (if you haven’t read about that, go do it now, it made the top 11 of ’11), made our annual ginger bread houses (this year featured a tree), and sang Christmas carols (with the help and assistance of the I Am T-Pain app).  So as you can see, each of our traditions had a little bit of something new to them; it seemed fitting since our biggest tradition of being a family on Christmas was forcefully being broken.

Open Up Wide Kiddo

Gingerbread Tree

Another twist to our Christmas traditions was the Christmas Eve wrapping marathon that Fefe embarks on every year.  Each year she is up until 1-2am wrapping gifts, which means I’m up until 2-3am organizing them under the tree.  This year, I implored her to start wrapping earlier in the week, she resisted and on Christmas Eve she was faced with a mountain of gifts, a mountain of paper, and only a small amount of time.  But this year was different, she called in for backup.  There was a 4 woman sweat shop going, and man where those woman efficient (or so I thought).  In addition to having help this year, Fefe (and crew) also helped herself to a few glasses of wine as well.  This seemed innocent at the time, but as we later found out, the drinking and wrapping tradition will not be making a repeat performance next year.

The Stage Is All Set

Christmas morning arrived and I couldn’t wait until Tre woke up so we could open gifts.  As some of you already know, when it comes to Christmas I’m a big kid.  I’m seriously considering seeking help for this condition.  By all logic, I should have grown out of it by now, but for the past 15 years, I have been unable to sleep for more than 3 consecutive hours on Christmas Eve.  This year taking the cake, raking in a whopping total of ZERO hours of sleep.  I felt like a crackhead, gifts being my poison.  By 5am, I was sneaking into Tre’s room, flicking his lights on and off, hoping to wake him up.  By 7, after watching A Christmas Story nearly 3 times back to back, I resorted to more drastic measures: let the dog out and throw his ball in Tre’s room.  It worked, a few minutes later Tre came stumbling into our room and “woke” me up.

The poor child was clearly still in a stupifiedsleepy state, I mean seriously, the boy woke me up and exclaimed that his socks came off.  You would have thought that our house was robbed and all of the gifts were gone by the way he sounded.  I couldn’t believe it, it’s Christmas morning and all Tre is concerned about was his stupid socks?  I’m gonna be honest, being a Christmas fanatic and all, it kinda pissed me off.  After waking Fefe up and wiping the crust out of her eyes, we all headed downstairs and the look on Tre’s face was priceless, I mean, you hear people talk about the money shot, this was definitely it!  He was super excited and couldn’t wait to tear into his gifts, but first we had to go wake up Nani and attempt to wake up Uncle Carl.  Once the gang was all together (with this exception of Uncle Carl) Tre went to work.

The Money Shot - Total Disbelief

The first gift he grabbed belonged to Ty, as did the second, and third.  Fortunately, we were quick enough to avoid any re-wrap situations and explained to Tre the importance of actually looking at the name on the present.  Things went a lot smoother after that conversation.  For some odd reason, Tre kept making reference to the sun and finishing this work (opening presents) before the sun came out.  I have no clue where this came from, or why it was so important to him to have all of his gifts opened before the sun came out.  It was extremely funny until he was unable to complete his goal, and was heartbroken. He was seriously upset, once the sun was up, he had a semi meltdown and gift opening had to be put on hold for a few minutes.  This was strange, but no stranger than his bow fetish from last Christmas.  Luckily, we were able to get back to our regularly scheduled program and enjoy an entire day of playing, and playing, and playing.

Tank Sporting His New Christmas Gifts

Check back tomorrow for the Bday update!  I’ll keep posting holiday themed posts for as long as my neighbors Christmas lights are up, because remember, it’s never too late.

#11 When The Wind Blows

When the wind blows, we move with it

Have you heard the news??? If you follow my Twitter or Facebook, then no doubt, you probably have.  If not, then start following, so that you aren’t the last to the party next time.  Okay, time to fill you in: We’re moving!!!!!!  No, not the Daddy’s Fish Bowl site, but our actual residence.  Our family is packing up and high tailing it from the great state of North Carolina all the way across the country to the Twin Cities in Minnesota.  Well I guess that isn’t all away across the country (I was never good in geography), but hey you get the point.

#10 One Man, One Saw, One Tree 

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

#9 The Boy In The Plastic Bubble 

Never A Good Sign

Last weekend I’m sure many of you saw my frantic tweets about Tre being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and being admitted into the ICU. You would think that seeing your child whisked away strapped to a gurney in an ambulance would be enough to frighten any parent, surprisingly however, I wasn’t shaken at all by the situation. If anything, I was a bit angry because I felt that the doctors and nurses were going extremely overboard. Well it turns out that Tre is quite a bit more fragile than I had ever anticipated and although he made it thru his hospital “bid” and got paroled early for good behavior, he clearly wasn’t put of the woods yet. Apparently the hospital stint was only the first hurdle for us to overcome in a long race against allergies and asthma.

#8 The Cheating Husband

Til Death Do Us Part...Maybe Not

Have you ever been accused of something that you know deep down in your heart, you didn’t do?  Have you tried to explain your side of the story, offering explanations, justifications, and just down right sound logic to no avail?  Only to have your accuser look at you with a condemning look that can make the most innocent man feel guilty.  If you have experienced these things, then you know exactly what I went through last night.  It was a horrible experience; it is over now, although the look on her face was one of distrust after our dialog was finished.  I don’t know where we stand after this, but one thing is for sure: I love my wife and would never break our sacred vows by cheating on her.

#7 The Sexist Toddler: Male Elitism At A Young Age

Boy Dog, Girl Dog, Who Cares Right?

I’m just going to be blunt here; Tre is a toddler sexist. I have to call it how I see it, even if that means bashing my own flesh n blood. The sad part is, I blame myself. Well not really, but whenever something goes wrong with a child, everybody rushes to blame the parents, so I figured I’d beat you guys to it. Apparently he’s been this way his entire life and I’m just now realizing it. Maybe deep down I’ve always known the truth, but did my best to suppress it in hopes that it would go away. However, lately, it has become undeniable; his blatant sexism and total disregard for the opposite sex is now too much to ignore. You may be wondering how is it possible that a toddler, a child so pure, so innocent could be labeled something as harsh as a sexist. Well it’s really pretty simple; he feels that the male persuasion is superior in every way, shape, and form (his words, not mine). How do I know this you say? I know this because Tre refuses to utilize feminine pronouns to address individuals belonging to the female gender. To Tre, everything is he, his, or him, regardless of the sex of the person he’s referring to. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems pretty sexist.

#6 Planes, Trains, & Automobiles 

All Packed & Ready To Go

Fefe & Tre come back to Minneapolis tonight, FOR GOOD this time and I thought it was only fitting to share with you the story of Tre’s first plane ride, train ride, and (Minnesota)car ride; which took place a little over a month ago when we made the trip to Minneapolis for the first time (and what we thought was the last time).  It was actually his second plane ride, but seeing as how he was only a few months old for the first one, I think this trip qualifies as his (un)official first trip on an airplane.

As with everything that Tre is involved in, associated with, or a part of, his plane ride was full of spectacle, laughter, drama, and pretty much plain ole pure entertainment.  So sit back, kick your feet up and get prepared to enjoy the Tre Variety Hour (or 15 mins in this case).

#5 Hoarders: The Toddler Edition

A Hoarder & His Stuff (Can You Find Him?)

For most people, breaking up is hard to do.  Whether it’s breaking up with a lover, a close friend, or a trusted colleague, it is never an easy task.  But what about breaking up with personal belongings?  Is that just as difficult as breaking up with a person?  If you ask Tre, his answer will most certainly be YES!  This past weekend, in preparation for our big move, we attacked out attic, as evidenced in the above photo.  During this 2-3 hour marathon cleaning session, we found old toys, old clothes, old pictures, pretty much just all things old!  But for one member of our family, old meant new and this daunting task turned out to be a 1940’s gold rush for him

#4 You Win Some, You Lose Some

Win, Lose, Or Draw?

From the look of the picture above, I guess it’s pretty safe to say that Ty lost this one. I really wish that I could tell you guys that this was an epic battle for the ages, complete with a training montage, Rocky Balboa style; but alas, I can’t. This thing was over before it even got started, I’m talking split second, one hitter quitter, wam bam thank you Ma’am. Looking at that picture, all I can think is, why my boy? What could I have done differently to protect him? The answer to those questions is staring me right in the face; I should have stopped this along time ago.

#3 Imitation Of Life 

Notice Anything Different?

Typically, I open these posts by beating around the bush, starting out with rudimentary questions and examples, ending on a cliffhanger and letting the situation unfold as the post goes on. Well I’m not going to do that today, I’m just gonna get straight to the point. That point is: Tre got his ear pierced this weekend. Yeah it looks cute, yeah he really loves it, and yeah he took the procedure like a champ. But none of that really matters. The only thing that matters in this story is the ‘why’ he got his ear pierced. The reason why he got it pierced can strictly be attributed to the imitation of life.

#2 Stay At Home Mom vs. The Working Dad

and the WINNER is....

Okay DFB family, time for a serious topic here at the bowl. As I write this, I have my vodka & cranberry sitting next to the computer; attempting to recover from the events that just took place in my household. Timeout, I know you may be thinking how dare he bring up a serious topic while under the influence? My response: some of the greatest ideas known to man were created while in a bar & written on a cocktail napkin! I’ve even included a reference. (editor’s note: the events actually took place 2 nights ago.  I guess there was more vodka than cranberry in that drink and I didn’t get a chance to finish the post).

And now for the NUMBER 1 post of 2011….

#1 As Evil As They Come

Apparently, Evilness & Fashion Sense Don't Go Hand In Hand

Have you ever met someone who was just down right mean? When I say mean, I’m talking about borderline evil! I have met such a person, I have looked them in their eyes and lowered my head in shame due to their behavior. It isn’t easy to stare down the face of evil and walk away unscathed, but somebody has to do it, someone has to stand up for the little people, and yesterday, that someone was Ty.

Honorable Mentions:

Coming Home With A Bang

The Naughty List (Part 2)

If you missed part one of this troubled tale, head on over and read it so you’ll have some context for the funny part 2 of this post!

As if the shame of enacting the Santa ClausE wasn’t weighing heavily enough on my conscious, Tre decided to jump in and be my assistant authority figure.  My assistant seemed to take much more pleasure in the naughty list punishment than I did however.  Typically, I don’t let the kids get involved in repercussions of each others disciplinary actions, but when Tre decided to ensure that Ty knew exactly what was looming over his head, I let it go.

Immediately after I finished writing my letter to Santa, Tre seemed as devastated as Ty.  This was the first that he had heard of a naughty list and the implications of having your name placed on it.  He had tons of questions:  Daddy, why is Ty on the naughty list, are you really going to mail that letter, Ty not gonna get NO presents, not NONE?  With each question, Ty’s sobbing multiplied on an exponential basis.  It was as if Tre was asking the exact questions that Ty wanted answers too and my responses weren’t exactly what he was looking for.  Tre seemed to genuinely be sad that he would have to carry the burden of opening Christmas gifts on his own.

The next morning, his sadness was quickly replaced with satire.  It was as if during his sleep, he got Inception’d.  I literally think Leonardo Dicaprio came to him and placed the idea in his head that no gifts for Ty meant more gifts for him.  Because the next morning, Tre was on the warpath, I mean truly ruthless.  As soon as Ty woke up, Tre asked him if he was on the naughty list, utilizing a tone and demeanor that could only be described as sinister.  Ty elected to ignore the question.  Tre, determined to get answers, especially since Leo had corrupted his pure young soul,  asked me the same question.  The conversation went something like this:

Tre: “Daddy, is Ty on the naughty list?”

Me: “Yes, Ty is on the naughty list”

Tre (turns to Ty): “Ty, you are on the naughty list and now you not gonna get no presents”.  By the conviction in his delivery, you would have thought that he was providing brand new information to Ty.

Ty (annoyed): “Okay Tre, I get it”

I think that Tre took this as a personal insult, how dare his question annoy Ty?  Especially with his current designation as a naughty list kid, who did he think he was?  So to get even, Tre decided to take it upon himself to try and get all of Ty’s gifts revoked, not just those coming from Santa.  Another conversation ensued:

Tre (in a quite eager voice): “Daddy, but Ty already got a present under the tree, he on the naughty list, so he don’t get NO presents right?”

***sidenote*** As if this statement wasn’t bad enough on its own, to make matters worse, the present under the tree that Tre was referring to is the one that HE bought for Ty.

Me: “Ty can have that present because it didn’t come from Santa”.

Tre: “Ty, you get one present for Christmas, just one, not a bunch of presents.  Only me, Mommy, and Daddy, and Tank would get lots of presents.

SMH, really Tre?  The dog?  You had to go as far as throwing the dog into the present mix as well?  Does his evil know no bounds? This had gone far enough, if the boy dug the dagger in any deeper, he’d be cutting thru the couch that Ty was sitting on.

I could tell that Ty was getting extremely upset by Tre’s innocent (but hurtful) banter.  To be honest, I didn’t feel that bad for Ty, I was actually happy that someone was reminding him of his misdeeds and subsequent consequence of those deeds other than myself or Fefe.  Maybe the ridicule that his little brother was providing would be the icing on the cake that allowed him to realize the error in his ways.

In Tre’s defense, he did take it upon himself to notify me that Ty had been good in school as soon as I came home from work.  He even campaigned for me to take the letter out of the mailbox so Santa won’t get it.  He was fighting for Ty’s freedom as if Ty offered up half of his allowance as incentive.  I was happy to hear that Ty had a successful day in school (even if it came from his campaign manager and not him), and I look forward to hearing about many more.

I don’t know if it was the threat of losing Christmas alone, or the fact that Tre added a little something on top, but Ty truly seems focused on turning his behavior around (even if it is only for the next 2 weeks).

To most, those words may sound like a harmless line from a children’s Christmas song, but to others, especially those who have not been on their best behavior, those words can haunt dreams and ruin lives.  Unfortunately, we have one of the “others” in our household this year.  Ty is currently feeling the wrath of Santa’s greatest ability: the ability to single handedly transform a child’s behavior with 3 magic words, “The Naughty List”.

On Friday, Ty’s report card came home; while his scholastic categories were excellent, his behavioral ones were not up to par.  This isn’t new news to us, as we’ve been dealing with behavior issues from him all year long.  He’s not listening in class, having trouble following directions, and isn’t obeying the rules.  It’s such a drastic change from last year; in kindergarten, he was the model student.  This year, not so much, it’s as if he has gone all Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde on us.  He’s Jekyll at home, and Hyde in school.  My expert clinical opinion on the matter is that Hyde thrives on attention and uses it as a source to bring his character traits to the forefront.  Apparently, Ty is very popular in his class this year and most of the kids look up to him; hence the continued emergence of Hyde.

Popular or not, one thing I refuse to tolerate is inappropriate behavior in school.  Our kids have a pretty good life and their only end of the bargain to uphold is to do well in school.  If they drop the ball on this, the gavel of Justice will reign down with the force of Judge William Adams.  Okay sorry, bad analogy, not funny, let’s move on.  We have tried many things to curb his need to impress his friends (which for some reason he feels can only be done by misbehaving).  Talks upon talks have yielded subpar results, removing television, gaming, and toy privileges have been met with mediocre success.  We’ve even gone as far as sending him to school in his play clothes and sneakers.  Since he puts such a high value on his appearance when it comes to school, we thought this would be the perfect solution.  But alas, the misbehavior continued! The issues subsides for a short period of time, then it rears its ugly head again.

So this time when we received the report card informing us of his continued inappropriate behavior, I took it personal.  I set out on a personal crusade to set this boy straight, even if it took everything I had!  What do most pioneers do when seeking success?  Rely on the resources of others of course; remember, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know and I just happen to be close personal friends with Santa.  I decided that it was time to bring my relationship with the big homie in red to the forefront.  I have very high values; however, fortunately for me, bribing my child with a fictional holiday character wasn’t written into my moral code.  So I pulled the Santa card.  I’m not proud of it, it’s not something I’ll write about in my New York Times best selling memoirs, but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

There was pure pandemonium in the house as I spoke dictation to myself while writing the note to Santa.  I ensured Ty heard every carefully picked word, so that he could feel the real impact of what was happening.  Santa was informed of Ty’s repeated misbehavior and of his broken promises.  A strong recommendation was made to move Ty to the naughty list and revoke any presents that were due to him on Christmas.  The tears flowed, the pleas were voiced, but it was too late.  Ty was going to suffer the consequences of his actions, and Santa was the executioner.  I did slip a clause in the letter, which gave Ty a way out, a chance to redeem himself before Christmas.  I let Santa know that I would be sending him another letter and ask him to move Ty back to the good list if and only if Ty could follow the rules at school like he is suppose to.

This was of little comfort to Ty at this point.  As far as he was concerned he was moments away from being on the naughty list and his Christmas was doomed.  After the tears dried, we sat down and explained how Ty could take the future of Christmas into his own hands and redeem himself.  We’ll see if he actually does or not.

I know that the threat of Christmas isn’t the best way to go, and ultimately I’ll have to put up (shut up isn’t an option) and withhold Christmas gifts if things don’t turn around.  Because what good is an empty threat?  I’ve pulled my trump card and if it comes to it, I’ll lay it down on the table with a big thud.  Hopefully, I won’t have to.

What are some other ways of modifying a child’s behavior in school that have been effective for you?  What do you do when your child’s need for peer attention outgrows his rationale thinking ability to do what he knows is right?  Weigh in with you hints and tips…you can even call it a Christmas gift if you like, and forget about that Maserati you were planning to send.

Check back tomorrow for part 2 of this story which features Tre and his own special form of discipline for Ty and his misbehavior.

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

I’ve had a real Christmas tree every year since I was a young child, and it’s something that I want to continue with my family. Since we’ve always had a real tree, naturally, I always that it would be cool for my Dad and I to cut it down together. Unfortunately, that never happened. I grew older and tucked that little dream nugget away safely in my memory banks. This year however, the memory somehow battled its way through the confines of my mind and escaped. This year I had an idea, and that idea was to cut down a tree with my boys. A plan was set in motion and it was implemented this past weekend.

Since I’ve wanted to do this ever since I was a kid, you can only imagine the ideas and visions floating around my head about how it would be, the fun we would have, and how rewarding the process would feel. Well, let me clue you in on a few things: this CHORE was nothing like I had expected it to be, fun is probably the adverb that most closely describes exactly what we did not have, and instead of feeling rewarded, I felt cheated.

I must have sensationalized the hell out of what goes in to cutting down a Christmas tree and I think the boys practiced the same exact exercise. I imagined heading deep into the woods, axe in hand, and scouting for the perfect tree. After locating our prize, a few swift swings of the axe and I’d be yelling TIMBER, kids would be jumping with joy and we’d be on our merry way, singing Christmas carols all the way home. I’m assuming you already know that this hallmark moment didn’t happen for our family.

By the time we got to the tree farm, it was already getting dark; that meant we had to work fast. There was no time to be nitpicky about a tree, we had just drove 45 mins and were not coming home empty handed. Once we found a tree that was semi suitable, it was time to start cutting. Remember that axe I had in my depiction of how this event would go? Well, yeah, in the real world, it didn’t exist! Instead I had a puny, but effective bow saw. Not quite as cool as swinging an axe right? Oh well, it’ll still do the job, so now it’s time to cut, only problem is I can’t even find the trunk of the tree. How am I supposed to cut a tree down if I can’t even find the freaking trunk? There were branches all around the bottom of the tree and the fact that it was dark now wasn’t helping either. So I had to lay down on my back while Ty pulled branches back and Fefe used her cell phone to give me some light. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, it was a whopping 10 degrees outside that night, so laying on the frozen ground was oh so much fun!

After what seemed like an eternity of cutting, I got tired. I was cold, the kids were cold, Tre had snot running down his nose. I had had enough; it was time to kick this thing into overdrive! I stood up, got a running start and Bobby Boucher’d the tree while yelling TIMBER! The kids got a kick out of it, I saved myself another 5-10 mins of sawing and we were steps closer to getting warm again; all was right in the world again. That is until we came to the realization that yes we found a tree, yes we had success (somewhat) in cutting it down, but how in the hell are we supposed to get it back to the main office so that we could tie it down? That’s when it hit me; we forgot to grab rope before heading into the woods. So what do we do now? Well the most logical thing of course: we threw the tree on top of the car, Fefe drove while I stood on the side of the car hanging in between the body and the door all while holding onto the tree. I gotta tell ya, this was no easy task, we were deep in the woods driving down bumpy dirt roads, and there were more than a few close calls. Luckily we made it back without me falling off the car and killing myself. When we arrived, the lumberjacks simply smiled and said: “well that’s the first time we’ve seen something like that”

Well, here we after, still standing after a brutal (brutal meaning mild) snowstorm (snowstorm meaning snowfall). We survived, we made it thru and embraced the snow as if it were a long lost family member that we’ve only seen photos and videos of. When I say we, I should say they, Fefe and the kids. I’m no stranger to the snow and cold, growing up in Buffalo and all, but these guys are born and raised North Carolinians, so making it through the first snow fall deserves a round of applause. Even though we made it through, it wasn’t without a few casualties; so we’ll learn from our mistakes and continue on next time with a higher resolve.

This is in fact the third time that we’ve expected snow this year, the previous two led to disappointment in the kids eyes and relief in Fefe and mine. Earlier in the week when we saw snow in the forecast, we let the boys know of the impending weather conditions and Ty promptly responded with: “well we’ll see about that, it’s probably just not gonna happen again”. I felt bad for him, this kid has been looking for snow since early September (which I hear isn’t too far off base for this part of the country) and it was mid November and he was still coming up empty handed. When Saturday finally got here, I think that I was probably looking out the window up at the sky just as much as Ty was, sad I know.

Midway through the day, the snow actually started falling and before any even hit the ground Ty was already asking if the pond in our backyard was frozen. Um, not yet buddy, it’s gonna be a while. By the time that there was a light dusting on the ground, both boys were asking if they could put on their snow pants and boots so they can go out and play: hold your horses cowboys, give it time young grasshopper. The snow was falling at a pretty steady pace, so within an hour it was time to let it rip.

In preparation for the snow festivities, I went out and purchased shovels and sleds and all that good stuff that we never ever dreamed of needing in North Carolina. So once it was time, I was all set to go; and go we did. We ran outside, picked up snow, threw it at each other, sled down hills, shoveled snow into huge piles and jumped in them. We were madmen who had just been set free. And then, just like that, we lost one; Tre was gone, down for the count. He said that it was cold out here and he was going back in the house. He lasted for 15 minutes. Ty was a trooper though, he bested Tre’s time by an additional 5 whole minutes. But boy oh boy did those 5 minutes cost him. By the time Ty went in the house, he was in tears because his hands where so cold. 20 minutes in the snow and the kid is crying? Yup, it’s going to be a long winter folks.

So far, you’ve heard about the boys first experience with Minnesota snow, but what about Fefe? Did she curl up in a ball and close her eyes hoping it would all be over when she opened them? Did she huddle in a corner with blankets, hot cocoa, and space heaters? It’s what you’d expect right? Well she did none of the above! To welcome her first winter, this crazy woman went out and embarked on a 60 minute horseback ride through the storm. We had scheduled this date a while back and I just knew for sure we were gonna be out of some cash as soon as I saw snow in the forecast. No way was she going to leave the house in this weather, let alone perform an activity in it. But she shocked me, Fefe said the show must go on, and go on it did. I was impressed, she didn’t complain, didn’t cry, and actually had a great time.

My First Time On A Horse. Fefe

In case you weren’t keeping score, we have: Tre with 15 minutes in the snow, Ty with 20 minutes in the snow (but points deducted for crying), and Fefe with 60 minutes in the snow. Last week, if you would have told me that Fefe would have been the one to spend the most time in the snow during our first storm, I would have called you a crazy person. But here we stand, snowstorm behind us, and the person that wanted the snow the least actually handled it the best. Ty and Tre, you guys could learn a lot from this woman!

Oh, as for that casualty that I spoke of earlier? Fefe did spend the entire next day sick in bed. I guess you can say she won the battle, but lost the war.

Apparently, Evilness & Fashion Sense Don't Go Hand In Hand

Have you ever met someone who was just down right mean? When I say mean, I’m talking about borderline evil! I have met such a person, I have looked them in their eyes and lowered my head in shame due to their behavior. It isn’t easy to stare down the face of evil and walk away unscathed, but somebody has to do it, someone has to stand up for the little people, and yesterday, that someone was Ty.

Yesterday while working on the computer, I heard the typical banter that goes on between Ty and Tre on a daily basis. They continually find the most ridiculous things to fight over and it has started to get rather annoying. It got so bad, that Sunday, I made them go upstairs and put on their pajamas and get ready for bed at 3:30pm. Tears flowed heavily and promises were many, so they were able to stay up provided they didn’t fight anymore. Well as you probably guessed, that didn’t last too long.

Today’s source of conflict was none other than Ty’s pillow. Really guys? You can’t find anything more substantial to fight over other than a pillow? I heard Ty telling Tre that he couldn’t have his pillow and then Tre firing back that he wanted it so he could have it. Since I no longer settle disputes between these two, I just kicked my feet up and got ready to enjoy an entertaining display of brotherly love. Ty told Tre that he couldn’t have the pillow because it was his and he needed it to sleep on. Why he needed it to sleep on at 5:30 in the afternoon, I don’t know, but that was his reasoning. Tre, thinking he had Ty cornered said: “fine, that’s why I’ll take it when you at school then, and you can’t stop me”. Ty being ever so clever and accomedating realized that this was an easy way out of this battle where everyone could be a winner. Knowing that he didn’t need the pillow during school hours, he agreed to Tre’s proposal. He told Tre that’s a deal, you can have my pillow when I’m at school, and give it back when I get home. “How about that Tre, do we have a deal?” At this point I was a bit disappointed, my popcorn had just finished popping and it looked like this thing was going to be over before it even got started. But I was in luck, I had momentarily forgotten that we were dealing with Mr. Evil Pants in the flesh. No way was Tre going to let me down and deprive me of my entertainment.

Tre got angry and exclaimed “NO, I’m gonna take it when you home”. Now see, this is where mean turns to evil. What follows is my interpretation of Tre’s mindset, these are merely my thoughts on what was going through his head and can totally be off base, but I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m right on target. Tre thought he had the game figured out, he essentially wanted to hurt Ty for denying him the pleasure of using his pillow and by informing Ty that he would merely take the pillow while Ty was away, he thought he had succeeded in doing so. But Tre didn’t anticipate Ty’s acceptance of this evil gesture, when Ty accepted, Tre knew he had to step it up a notch to get his revenge. So he told him that not only was he going to take the pillow while Ty was at school and defenseless to stop it, but he was also going to take the pillow while Ty was present and accounted for (just to dig the knife a little deeper).

Ty tried to be reasonable, explaining that he was trying to work with Tre to come to an agreement and they needed to make a deal so they wouldn’t have to go to bed early. Tre, with total disregard for the consequences of their continued bickering shouted: “NO, not now, not ever, NEVER! I won’t make a deal”. I believe at this point, Tre was all but patting himself on the back, not only did he make Ty pay for denying him the use of the pillow, but he had also humiliated him by responding to his kind gesture with a super cool catch phrase that deflated the entire negoitation process.

Tre may have been a bit quick at the draw, because he underestimated his older brothers unwaivering height advantage. Ty thought about Tre’s response carefully for a few moments before countering, finally he said “fine, then you won’t have it all, I’m going to put it up here when I leave” and he proceeded to place his pillow on an upper shelf of their book case. Tre was dumbfouned and resorted to his last tactic…tears and snitching. Fortunately I had heard the entire thing transpire and his usually effective technique didn’t work.

Score – Ty: 1, Tre: 3,423,356.8

Now This Is Real WRASSSLLLIIINNN

Yesterday was Ty’s first day of wrestling practice and it totally hilarious. The off field antics were more entertaining than what was happening on the field. Wait a minute,  is it called a field in wrestling? I think “mat” is the proper term. Well anyway, Ty got some time in on the mat and I don’t think it was at all what he was expecting.  He thought he was going to be walking out of there feeling like John Cena, but in actuality he more closely resembled Jane Fonda when it was all said and done.

The comedy of wrasslegate 2011 began last week when we informed Ty that he would be starting wrestling soon.  He enthusiastically welcomed the opportunity and made sure we knew exactly how excited he was. Then he paused for a moment; eyes toward the sky, head slightly cocked to the side as if he was in deep thought.  The silence was broken by a very thought provoking question, Ty asked, “they’re gonna give us protection right?” I was shocked and amazed that he would be so forward thinking, impressed by his apparent concern with safety.  I took time out to pat myself on the back, proud in the fact that I was raising such a responsible young child.  So we told Ty that they would definitely provide the kids with protection. He responds: “good, cause I really don’t want to get hurt when I jump off of the top ropes”

Smh, guess I jumped the gun a bit on that pat on the back.  After his comment, all I could think about was South Park and their wrestling spoof episode, enjoy.