HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Oh Wait, We're A Little Late For That

Well, here you have it folks, we’ve reached the third and final installment of our it’s never too late series. Believe me, I know that I’m totally pushing the boundaries of that statement seeing as how it’s Jan 31st and I’m still blogging about New Years. But oh well, what can you do ya know? The neighbors Christmas lights are still on, so I’m gonna keep this holiday posts party going.

New Years Eve was a lot of things this year, it was filled with a range of emotions ranging from excitement to regret, all the way to sickness (wait, is sickness an emotion? Well for all intents and purposes of this blog post it is).  To truly understand why NYE was a total emotional roller coaster, we must first take a look at the day before NYE, it was this day that led to many of the unfavorable emotions that were experienced.  Since it was the last day before my Mom left, we decided to have a few friends over to the house and by a few, I mean two; well that didn’t exactly go according to plan.  Somewhere along the line, someone (being me) decided that since Mom was leaving on NYE, we could use this as an opportunity to celebrate with friends we wouldn’t see on the holiday due to having no sitter. Probably not the smartest idea, but hey, what’s done is done.

So our two turned into about 12 and we got the party started!!! It was a great time, we really enjoyed the company, the drinks, the laughs, the drinks, the entertainment, and of course the drinks.  Can you guess which one of those things led to the majority of our discomfort the next day? I’ll give you a hint, it wasn’t the freaking laughs! The issue at hand here is that we had to be up at 7am to take my Mom to the airport, the fact that we didn’t go to bed until 3am presented a bit of a problem.   We woke up, but boy it wasn’t pretty, that’s all I’m gonna say about the subject.

My Mom’s plane took off at the same that Ty’s plane landed, it was perfect.  Or so we thought.  While in route to the airport, Fefe got notification that Ty’s plane had been delayed, his pilot was sick.  Fortunately, it was only an hour delay , so the timing still worked.  Meanwhile back at the homefront, Tre was finally waking up and that meant trouble for me because i was stranded on hangover island.  I mean it was so bad that the boy asked for gummies and i told him no, because it was too early for candy. Fast forward 20 mins and Tre says that he was hungry, I couldn’t phantom how close to death getting up and making breakfast would push me, so I hit an all-time Daddy low; I told Tre to go get some gummies for breakfast.  Smh, I know I know, please don’t think less of me, I was in dark place in my life.  As you could can see, we were in dire need of Fefe’s return.

Unbeknownst to me, Fefe wasn’t fairing to well, that one hour delay had turned into a 3hr delay.  The fact that the airport is 45 mins away from our home, coming back for a little rest wasn’t very practical.  However, practicality got thrown out of the window due to a wardrobe malfunction that Fefe experienced while en route to the airport. I know you’re wondering what type of malfunction she experienced, well all I’ll say is: an article of her clothing was soiled by a liquid substance, a liquid substance that could be classified as a bodily fluid, a bodily fluid that exits the body via the oral cavity.  Well I guess I pretty much painted that picture for you…moving on.

So Fefe came home, changed clothes, left right back out, returned two hours later with Ty and all was right with the world again.  Both of our hangovers were subsiding and we were extremely excited that Ty was back.  Now we could finally put a close to our 2011 Christmas chapter.  Ty was totally excited to see all of his gifts, but what nearly brought a tear to my cheek was the fact that he was even more excited about seeing all of us.  He took time out to give each of us hugs and kisses before even asking about opening gifts.  I felt that it spoke volumes to his character and it was one of the best Christmas gifts that I received.

We all sat down and gave Ty our full attention as he opened his gifts, it was like Christmas morning all over again.  A fascinating discovery was made during this time: wine and wrapping doesn’t mix (remember this from part 1?)  Apparently, Santa’s little helpers thought it was a good idea to give Ty a Xploderz gun from Fefe and I, but have Santa give him the ammo.  Another screw up came when the name tag on the gift said from Santa, but the actual gift said from Nani.  Luckily, we were able to circumvent these mistakes and keep Ty’s belief in Santa intact.  All in all, we had a great second Christmas and although it didn’t erase the fact that Ty wasn’t with us on the actual day, it did make up for it.

Never seen a kid so happy about a coffee mug

When it actually came time to ring in the New Year, we were so exhausted that there was no “party” left in us.  Ty was sleep, Fefe was half way there, I was considering moving one of the clocks ahead so we could just get it over with.  Tre was the only one ready and excited to ring in the New Year.  He was pumped as if 2012 was gonna be his year and his year alone!  We made it to watch the ball drop, toasted with some champagne, kissed, and then lights out.  By 12:14 we were all sleep.  It’s sad really, but hey, it gives us a whole lot of room for improvement next year.

Ready For The Big Moment

BOTTOM'S UP!!!!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

Well maybe sometimes it is.  But seeing as how my neighbors still have their Christmas lights on, I figured what the hell; let’s do the annual end of the year holiday recap right now, today.  Who cares that we’re a complete two weeks into the new year anyway?  These stories are timeless right? Better late than never right?  It’s better to finish the race last, than to not finish at all…right?  Okay, so have I completely talked myself out of being a lazy bum and slacking on the holiday post?  Yes you say, well great, let’s proceed with the recap of Christmas, Tre’s Bday, and New Year’s.

Christmas 2011

This year our Christmas was a little bit different than it has been in past years, this year, for the first time ever, Ty was not with us.  Let me be the first to tell you, it sucked!  It sucked for us, and I know it sucked for him, but as part of the ruling (read about that foolishness here), Ty was forced to spend Christmas week in NC.  We did have a few extra attendees for our Christmas day festivities, but neither my Mom nor the cameo appearance from Uncle Carl could make up for Ty’s absence.

We got the festivities started early this year in preparation for Ty’s departure.  We started a new tradition of cutting down our own Christmas Tree, (if you haven’t read about that, go do it now, it made the top 11 of ’11), made our annual ginger bread houses (this year featured a tree), and sang Christmas carols (with the help and assistance of the I Am T-Pain app).  So as you can see, each of our traditions had a little bit of something new to them; it seemed fitting since our biggest tradition of being a family on Christmas was forcefully being broken.

Open Up Wide Kiddo

Gingerbread Tree

Another twist to our Christmas traditions was the Christmas Eve wrapping marathon that Fefe embarks on every year.  Each year she is up until 1-2am wrapping gifts, which means I’m up until 2-3am organizing them under the tree.  This year, I implored her to start wrapping earlier in the week, she resisted and on Christmas Eve she was faced with a mountain of gifts, a mountain of paper, and only a small amount of time.  But this year was different, she called in for backup.  There was a 4 woman sweat shop going, and man where those woman efficient (or so I thought).  In addition to having help this year, Fefe (and crew) also helped herself to a few glasses of wine as well.  This seemed innocent at the time, but as we later found out, the drinking and wrapping tradition will not be making a repeat performance next year.

The Stage Is All Set

Christmas morning arrived and I couldn’t wait until Tre woke up so we could open gifts.  As some of you already know, when it comes to Christmas I’m a big kid.  I’m seriously considering seeking help for this condition.  By all logic, I should have grown out of it by now, but for the past 15 years, I have been unable to sleep for more than 3 consecutive hours on Christmas Eve.  This year taking the cake, raking in a whopping total of ZERO hours of sleep.  I felt like a crackhead, gifts being my poison.  By 5am, I was sneaking into Tre’s room, flicking his lights on and off, hoping to wake him up.  By 7, after watching A Christmas Story nearly 3 times back to back, I resorted to more drastic measures: let the dog out and throw his ball in Tre’s room.  It worked, a few minutes later Tre came stumbling into our room and “woke” me up.

The poor child was clearly still in a stupifiedsleepy state, I mean seriously, the boy woke me up and exclaimed that his socks came off.  You would have thought that our house was robbed and all of the gifts were gone by the way he sounded.  I couldn’t believe it, it’s Christmas morning and all Tre is concerned about was his stupid socks?  I’m gonna be honest, being a Christmas fanatic and all, it kinda pissed me off.  After waking Fefe up and wiping the crust out of her eyes, we all headed downstairs and the look on Tre’s face was priceless, I mean, you hear people talk about the money shot, this was definitely it!  He was super excited and couldn’t wait to tear into his gifts, but first we had to go wake up Nani and attempt to wake up Uncle Carl.  Once the gang was all together (with this exception of Uncle Carl) Tre went to work.

The Money Shot - Total Disbelief

The first gift he grabbed belonged to Ty, as did the second, and third.  Fortunately, we were quick enough to avoid any re-wrap situations and explained to Tre the importance of actually looking at the name on the present.  Things went a lot smoother after that conversation.  For some odd reason, Tre kept making reference to the sun and finishing this work (opening presents) before the sun came out.  I have no clue where this came from, or why it was so important to him to have all of his gifts opened before the sun came out.  It was extremely funny until he was unable to complete his goal, and was heartbroken. He was seriously upset, once the sun was up, he had a semi meltdown and gift opening had to be put on hold for a few minutes.  This was strange, but no stranger than his bow fetish from last Christmas.  Luckily, we were able to get back to our regularly scheduled program and enjoy an entire day of playing, and playing, and playing.

Tank Sporting His New Christmas Gifts

Check back tomorrow for the Bday update!  I’ll keep posting holiday themed posts for as long as my neighbors Christmas lights are up, because remember, it’s never too late.

#11 When The Wind Blows

When the wind blows, we move with it

Have you heard the news??? If you follow my Twitter or Facebook, then no doubt, you probably have.  If not, then start following, so that you aren’t the last to the party next time.  Okay, time to fill you in: We’re moving!!!!!!  No, not the Daddy’s Fish Bowl site, but our actual residence.  Our family is packing up and high tailing it from the great state of North Carolina all the way across the country to the Twin Cities in Minnesota.  Well I guess that isn’t all away across the country (I was never good in geography), but hey you get the point.

#10 One Man, One Saw, One Tree 

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

#9 The Boy In The Plastic Bubble 

Never A Good Sign

Last weekend I’m sure many of you saw my frantic tweets about Tre being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and being admitted into the ICU. You would think that seeing your child whisked away strapped to a gurney in an ambulance would be enough to frighten any parent, surprisingly however, I wasn’t shaken at all by the situation. If anything, I was a bit angry because I felt that the doctors and nurses were going extremely overboard. Well it turns out that Tre is quite a bit more fragile than I had ever anticipated and although he made it thru his hospital “bid” and got paroled early for good behavior, he clearly wasn’t put of the woods yet. Apparently the hospital stint was only the first hurdle for us to overcome in a long race against allergies and asthma.

#8 The Cheating Husband

Til Death Do Us Part...Maybe Not

Have you ever been accused of something that you know deep down in your heart, you didn’t do?  Have you tried to explain your side of the story, offering explanations, justifications, and just down right sound logic to no avail?  Only to have your accuser look at you with a condemning look that can make the most innocent man feel guilty.  If you have experienced these things, then you know exactly what I went through last night.  It was a horrible experience; it is over now, although the look on her face was one of distrust after our dialog was finished.  I don’t know where we stand after this, but one thing is for sure: I love my wife and would never break our sacred vows by cheating on her.

#7 The Sexist Toddler: Male Elitism At A Young Age

Boy Dog, Girl Dog, Who Cares Right?

I’m just going to be blunt here; Tre is a toddler sexist. I have to call it how I see it, even if that means bashing my own flesh n blood. The sad part is, I blame myself. Well not really, but whenever something goes wrong with a child, everybody rushes to blame the parents, so I figured I’d beat you guys to it. Apparently he’s been this way his entire life and I’m just now realizing it. Maybe deep down I’ve always known the truth, but did my best to suppress it in hopes that it would go away. However, lately, it has become undeniable; his blatant sexism and total disregard for the opposite sex is now too much to ignore. You may be wondering how is it possible that a toddler, a child so pure, so innocent could be labeled something as harsh as a sexist. Well it’s really pretty simple; he feels that the male persuasion is superior in every way, shape, and form (his words, not mine). How do I know this you say? I know this because Tre refuses to utilize feminine pronouns to address individuals belonging to the female gender. To Tre, everything is he, his, or him, regardless of the sex of the person he’s referring to. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems pretty sexist.

#6 Planes, Trains, & Automobiles 

All Packed & Ready To Go

Fefe & Tre come back to Minneapolis tonight, FOR GOOD this time and I thought it was only fitting to share with you the story of Tre’s first plane ride, train ride, and (Minnesota)car ride; which took place a little over a month ago when we made the trip to Minneapolis for the first time (and what we thought was the last time).  It was actually his second plane ride, but seeing as how he was only a few months old for the first one, I think this trip qualifies as his (un)official first trip on an airplane.

As with everything that Tre is involved in, associated with, or a part of, his plane ride was full of spectacle, laughter, drama, and pretty much plain ole pure entertainment.  So sit back, kick your feet up and get prepared to enjoy the Tre Variety Hour (or 15 mins in this case).

#5 Hoarders: The Toddler Edition

A Hoarder & His Stuff (Can You Find Him?)

For most people, breaking up is hard to do.  Whether it’s breaking up with a lover, a close friend, or a trusted colleague, it is never an easy task.  But what about breaking up with personal belongings?  Is that just as difficult as breaking up with a person?  If you ask Tre, his answer will most certainly be YES!  This past weekend, in preparation for our big move, we attacked out attic, as evidenced in the above photo.  During this 2-3 hour marathon cleaning session, we found old toys, old clothes, old pictures, pretty much just all things old!  But for one member of our family, old meant new and this daunting task turned out to be a 1940’s gold rush for him

#4 You Win Some, You Lose Some

Win, Lose, Or Draw?

From the look of the picture above, I guess it’s pretty safe to say that Ty lost this one. I really wish that I could tell you guys that this was an epic battle for the ages, complete with a training montage, Rocky Balboa style; but alas, I can’t. This thing was over before it even got started, I’m talking split second, one hitter quitter, wam bam thank you Ma’am. Looking at that picture, all I can think is, why my boy? What could I have done differently to protect him? The answer to those questions is staring me right in the face; I should have stopped this along time ago.

#3 Imitation Of Life 

Notice Anything Different?

Typically, I open these posts by beating around the bush, starting out with rudimentary questions and examples, ending on a cliffhanger and letting the situation unfold as the post goes on. Well I’m not going to do that today, I’m just gonna get straight to the point. That point is: Tre got his ear pierced this weekend. Yeah it looks cute, yeah he really loves it, and yeah he took the procedure like a champ. But none of that really matters. The only thing that matters in this story is the ‘why’ he got his ear pierced. The reason why he got it pierced can strictly be attributed to the imitation of life.

#2 Stay At Home Mom vs. The Working Dad

and the WINNER is....

Okay DFB family, time for a serious topic here at the bowl. As I write this, I have my vodka & cranberry sitting next to the computer; attempting to recover from the events that just took place in my household. Timeout, I know you may be thinking how dare he bring up a serious topic while under the influence? My response: some of the greatest ideas known to man were created while in a bar & written on a cocktail napkin! I’ve even included a reference. (editor’s note: the events actually took place 2 nights ago.  I guess there was more vodka than cranberry in that drink and I didn’t get a chance to finish the post).

And now for the NUMBER 1 post of 2011….

#1 As Evil As They Come

Apparently, Evilness & Fashion Sense Don't Go Hand In Hand

Have you ever met someone who was just down right mean? When I say mean, I’m talking about borderline evil! I have met such a person, I have looked them in their eyes and lowered my head in shame due to their behavior. It isn’t easy to stare down the face of evil and walk away unscathed, but somebody has to do it, someone has to stand up for the little people, and yesterday, that someone was Ty.

Honorable Mentions:

Coming Home With A Bang

The Naughty List (Part 2)

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

I’ve had a real Christmas tree every year since I was a young child, and it’s something that I want to continue with my family. Since we’ve always had a real tree, naturally, I always that it would be cool for my Dad and I to cut it down together. Unfortunately, that never happened. I grew older and tucked that little dream nugget away safely in my memory banks. This year however, the memory somehow battled its way through the confines of my mind and escaped. This year I had an idea, and that idea was to cut down a tree with my boys. A plan was set in motion and it was implemented this past weekend.

Since I’ve wanted to do this ever since I was a kid, you can only imagine the ideas and visions floating around my head about how it would be, the fun we would have, and how rewarding the process would feel. Well, let me clue you in on a few things: this CHORE was nothing like I had expected it to be, fun is probably the adverb that most closely describes exactly what we did not have, and instead of feeling rewarded, I felt cheated.

I must have sensationalized the hell out of what goes in to cutting down a Christmas tree and I think the boys practiced the same exact exercise. I imagined heading deep into the woods, axe in hand, and scouting for the perfect tree. After locating our prize, a few swift swings of the axe and I’d be yelling TIMBER, kids would be jumping with joy and we’d be on our merry way, singing Christmas carols all the way home. I’m assuming you already know that this hallmark moment didn’t happen for our family.

By the time we got to the tree farm, it was already getting dark; that meant we had to work fast. There was no time to be nitpicky about a tree, we had just drove 45 mins and were not coming home empty handed. Once we found a tree that was semi suitable, it was time to start cutting. Remember that axe I had in my depiction of how this event would go? Well, yeah, in the real world, it didn’t exist! Instead I had a puny, but effective bow saw. Not quite as cool as swinging an axe right? Oh well, it’ll still do the job, so now it’s time to cut, only problem is I can’t even find the trunk of the tree. How am I supposed to cut a tree down if I can’t even find the freaking trunk? There were branches all around the bottom of the tree and the fact that it was dark now wasn’t helping either. So I had to lay down on my back while Ty pulled branches back and Fefe used her cell phone to give me some light. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, it was a whopping 10 degrees outside that night, so laying on the frozen ground was oh so much fun!

After what seemed like an eternity of cutting, I got tired. I was cold, the kids were cold, Tre had snot running down his nose. I had had enough; it was time to kick this thing into overdrive! I stood up, got a running start and Bobby Boucher’d the tree while yelling TIMBER! The kids got a kick out of it, I saved myself another 5-10 mins of sawing and we were steps closer to getting warm again; all was right in the world again. That is until we came to the realization that yes we found a tree, yes we had success (somewhat) in cutting it down, but how in the hell are we supposed to get it back to the main office so that we could tie it down? That’s when it hit me; we forgot to grab rope before heading into the woods. So what do we do now? Well the most logical thing of course: we threw the tree on top of the car, Fefe drove while I stood on the side of the car hanging in between the body and the door all while holding onto the tree. I gotta tell ya, this was no easy task, we were deep in the woods driving down bumpy dirt roads, and there were more than a few close calls. Luckily we made it back without me falling off the car and killing myself. When we arrived, the lumberjacks simply smiled and said: “well that’s the first time we’ve seen something like that”

So this year, I’m using Thanksgiving as an opportunity to share the gift of “gratitude exercises” with my family.  If you aren’t familiar with gratitude exercises I’ll give you a quick rundown: it’s simply taking time out each day to recognize the good things in your life that you are grateful for, simple things that are often overlooked, but make a world f difference in your everyday life.  It is real easy to focus on the negative events in ones life because they come in quick, hit hard, and can leave a lasting effect. Positive occurrences on the other hand are easy to take for granted because we expect these things as a part of our daily lives. For example, a woman running late for a meeting ends up breaking the heel of her favorite shoe  and is very upset about it, not to mention I would think it’d be pretty uncomfortable walking around lopsided for the remainder of the day.  I’d say that’s enough to screw up a person’s day right?  It is enough, until gratitude exercises come into play and you realize that yes the heel broke, but you are grateful for the fact that you are able to walk.  How many people wake up and realize how fortunate they are just because they can get out of bed?  I’m positive that the person who can’t walk on their own would switch places with that broken heeled woman in a minute and be proud to carry on the rest of their day in that “unfortunate condition”.

See gratitude exercises can do wonderful things for your life, taking negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones will most certainly improve your outlook on life.  That’s why I’m introducing this to my children this year during Thanksgiving, I want to ensure that they don’t grow up feeling as though they are entitled to all of the luxuries that we provide for them;  because in the blink of an eye, it could all be gone. If for some unfortunate reason that did occur, I want to ensure that my boys have strong moral character to realize that they will be just fine, that things and possessions don’t define who they are and even when things seem like they are at their worst, you can always find something to be grateful for and someone who would trade places with you and look at your “bad situation” as an improvement to their life.

To start off, I asked both of the kids what they were grateful for. We’ll discuss in more detail over dinner, but as you can see, we’ve got a lot of work to do with one of them, lol.
Ty’s Response: I’m thankful for my mom and dad and my friends and our family. Oh and for food too.
Tre’s Response: I’m thankful for playing this game *proceeds to pull out his iphone*

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! One thing that I’m thankful for is all of my wonderful readers, you guys give me an outlet to share the thing that means most to me: my family.

What are some things that you are thankful for?  Leave a comment and let me know.

Well, here we after, still standing after a brutal (brutal meaning mild) snowstorm (snowstorm meaning snowfall). We survived, we made it thru and embraced the snow as if it were a long lost family member that we’ve only seen photos and videos of. When I say we, I should say they, Fefe and the kids. I’m no stranger to the snow and cold, growing up in Buffalo and all, but these guys are born and raised North Carolinians, so making it through the first snow fall deserves a round of applause. Even though we made it through, it wasn’t without a few casualties; so we’ll learn from our mistakes and continue on next time with a higher resolve.

This is in fact the third time that we’ve expected snow this year, the previous two led to disappointment in the kids eyes and relief in Fefe and mine. Earlier in the week when we saw snow in the forecast, we let the boys know of the impending weather conditions and Ty promptly responded with: “well we’ll see about that, it’s probably just not gonna happen again”. I felt bad for him, this kid has been looking for snow since early September (which I hear isn’t too far off base for this part of the country) and it was mid November and he was still coming up empty handed. When Saturday finally got here, I think that I was probably looking out the window up at the sky just as much as Ty was, sad I know.

Midway through the day, the snow actually started falling and before any even hit the ground Ty was already asking if the pond in our backyard was frozen. Um, not yet buddy, it’s gonna be a while. By the time that there was a light dusting on the ground, both boys were asking if they could put on their snow pants and boots so they can go out and play: hold your horses cowboys, give it time young grasshopper. The snow was falling at a pretty steady pace, so within an hour it was time to let it rip.

In preparation for the snow festivities, I went out and purchased shovels and sleds and all that good stuff that we never ever dreamed of needing in North Carolina. So once it was time, I was all set to go; and go we did. We ran outside, picked up snow, threw it at each other, sled down hills, shoveled snow into huge piles and jumped in them. We were madmen who had just been set free. And then, just like that, we lost one; Tre was gone, down for the count. He said that it was cold out here and he was going back in the house. He lasted for 15 minutes. Ty was a trooper though, he bested Tre’s time by an additional 5 whole minutes. But boy oh boy did those 5 minutes cost him. By the time Ty went in the house, he was in tears because his hands where so cold. 20 minutes in the snow and the kid is crying? Yup, it’s going to be a long winter folks.

So far, you’ve heard about the boys first experience with Minnesota snow, but what about Fefe? Did she curl up in a ball and close her eyes hoping it would all be over when she opened them? Did she huddle in a corner with blankets, hot cocoa, and space heaters? It’s what you’d expect right? Well she did none of the above! To welcome her first winter, this crazy woman went out and embarked on a 60 minute horseback ride through the storm. We had scheduled this date a while back and I just knew for sure we were gonna be out of some cash as soon as I saw snow in the forecast. No way was she going to leave the house in this weather, let alone perform an activity in it. But she shocked me, Fefe said the show must go on, and go on it did. I was impressed, she didn’t complain, didn’t cry, and actually had a great time.

My First Time On A Horse. Fefe

In case you weren’t keeping score, we have: Tre with 15 minutes in the snow, Ty with 20 minutes in the snow (but points deducted for crying), and Fefe with 60 minutes in the snow. Last week, if you would have told me that Fefe would have been the one to spend the most time in the snow during our first storm, I would have called you a crazy person. But here we stand, snowstorm behind us, and the person that wanted the snow the least actually handled it the best. Ty and Tre, you guys could learn a lot from this woman!

Oh, as for that casualty that I spoke of earlier? Fefe did spend the entire next day sick in bed. I guess you can say she won the battle, but lost the war.

Recently, Fefe & I have begun watching a new show on ABC by the name of Suburgatory and I swear it’s the funniest thing on TV. As a matter of fact, I’m watching it as I write this post. The reason it’s so funny to us is probably because we can totally relate to the main characters of the show. Suburgatory is about a father and daughter who moved from NYC to the suburbs. Seeing as how I grew up in the inner city, where “peachy keen” was considered a far away island, and I now live in a town where “peachy keen” is practically part of the town slogan, I’d say the show is a pretty good fit.

But as it turns out, good ole Albertville does have a few qualities the resemble remnants of my former life in the “hood”. Last week Fefe and I were startled by a phone call from Ty’s school; a recording informed us that the school would not be releasing the students as they were on lockdown due to an incident in the community. The recording further went onto say that the incident was not targeted at the school, but students would not be released until local law enforcement gave the all clear. Whoa, whoa, what the hell was going on here? Fefe totally freaked, I was cool as usual. She darted up to the school as fast as she could; which is probably the last thing that school officials would have wanted. As it turns out, the incident in the community was a freaking BANK ROBBERY.

WHAT? A bank robbery? In Albertville homie? With all its picket fences, sprinkler systems, and golf carts, there was a freaking bank robbery right up the street from us. How crazy is that? Just when you think everything is peachy keen, you’re reminded that no matter where you go, utopia just doesn’t exist. Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally angered by this act of crime that has taken place in my neighborhood; but there is something a little settling about knowing that my Suburgatory isn’t an exact replica of the complete exaggeration of the burbs that is portrayed on our new favorite TV show.

Seriously though, I love our neighborhood, it really is great. We have really cool neighbors and there is an overabundance of children for both Ty & Tre to play with. Fefe has joined a local group for stay at home moms and is fitting in just fine. As for me, I’m actually considering joining the country club and taking up golf, I mean we do live on a golf course so it only seems right. All in all, our family is fitting in quite well ini Albertville homie and we intend to be here for quite some time.

My only fear is that after years of living the suburban life, I may turn into Tom Hanks from that movie “The Burbs”. Hopefully I’ll find enough to keep me busy so that doesn’t happen.

A Sample Of Ty's Many Build & Grow Projects

I typically don’t get too excited about specific companies or products, unless it’s Apple, or PS3, or Right Guard deodorant. Okay, so maybe I do get obsessed excited about a few things here or there, but today’s company/product is different, it’s different because it’s totally awesome! Hmmmm, maybe I’ve said that before as well, um, okay, let’s just go with this one: it’s different because I said so! Too strong? Ah, I got it, it’s different because it’s totally FREE!!! Whew, now that that’s out of the way, now I can focus on more important things like explaining why the Lowe’s Build And Grow clinic is so awesome.
Lowe’s knows (I like the ring of that, time to get their PR person on the phone) that Dads love to build stuff and that MOST Dads also love spending time with their kids, so to make things easy for us fathers, they married the two together and sprinkled a little spice on it. Biweekly, Lowe’s sponsors a build and grow clinic where children ages 6-12 (I’ve seen kids outside this range on both the lower and upper limits) get a chance to construct a wooden project absolutely free.  But there’s nothing truly special about that, I’ve got a gang of home projects that I could work on with the kids, so what makes what Lowe’s does stand out?  The fact that they cater the projects to the kids, not only are the items fairly simple to build, but they also make it fun by supplying easy to follow blue prints, , safety goggles, and a worker’s apron.  After completion, the children are rewarded with a certificate of merit and a themed patch that can be affixed to their apron.  In my opinion, it’s the quadruple threat:

• Kids build something that they can play with
• They gain valuable confidence and basic construction skills
• They are rewarded for their efforts and given a medium to display their accomplishments
• They get to spend valuable time with their Dads

Ty's First Creation

Aliens Are Amongst Us

Ty and I have been participating in these clinics for quite some time now, and he thoroughly enjoys it.  He loves collecting new patches and displaying his work in his room and I love completing the work with him and seeing his craftsmanship improve.  Seeing as how I recently proclaimed myself to be the world’s least handiest handy man, I may not be the most qualified to assist on these projects.  But that’s another area were Lowe’s shines, these projects are so simple that even a caveman can do them.  That means, I come out looking like Bob Vila to my boy when it’s all said and done.

Tre's First Project

This past weekend, Tre tagged along for the first time and completed his first project.  I was a little worried because he’s pretty young, but he did a great job as well and had a ball constructing his Science Lab kit.  If you take away the hammered thumbs, I had a ball too!  While I was busy getting blugend to death helping Tre, Ty was busy constructing his kit with very minimal help from me.  He was proud to have finished building the Science Lab all by himself, and I was proud that my fearless instruction over the past year had led him to that point.  See, with Lowe’s Build & Grow Clinics, everybody wins.

The Dynamic Duo

If you’re interested in participating in this activity with your child, just head on over to the Lowe’s website and sign up.  This week they are sponsoring a Santa Sled, so it’s the perfect way to kick off the holiday season.

*Lowe’s did not pay me in any way, shape, or form for this totally incredible endorsement. ..even though they probably should have* (joking)

Addicted To Apples

Don’t eat them because they are tainted, tainted with some sick mind altering gadget love potion. That has to be the case, because I am totally addicted to Apple products; yup I’m a fanboy and I’m proud to admit it. It’s logical for me to be a fanboy, I’m a gadget guy; hell, my friends even nicknamed me Jetson (because I was so futuristic), but my family on the other hand is a bit less explainable. Apparently, the APPLE doesn’t fall far from the tree (pun SOOOO intended), because not only do my kids love trying to sneak and play on my iPhone, but they also have their own now. It’s crazy, I know; I’m not one to speak ill of those who have passed on, but I honestly thing Steve Jobs was engineering a little more than electronics. I think he was holding the key to biological warfare right within the walls of his headquarters in Cupertino, each new device releases a special pheromone that entices consumers to buy it. That’s not too farfetched is it? How else to you explain my family’s addiction to Apple products?

I’ve had an iPhone for the past 4years now, since their inception, and in my opinion, they just keep getting better. Originally, it was my thing, I was the iPhone guy and Fefe didn’t care what type of phone she had. Then suddenly, things changed. Around my 3rd upgrade, Fefe says: “hey, maybe um, maybe I could have your old iPhone when you get the new one.” I was a bit shocked, because up until that point technology didn’t excite this woman at all. I was pretty thrilled to have an iPhone buddy in the house with me, so I agreed and we went on our happy merry ways.

I’m really strict with my gadgets, so the kids are pretty much forbidden to touch them, but Fefe being less gadgetly anal retentive (whoa, that doesn’t sound too good), allowed the boys to play games and enjoy the benefits of an iPhone. Over the course of a few days, they became addicted. Fefe, noticing her continually diminishing iPhone one on one time, suggested that we give Ty an iPhone for Christmas. WHAT? Give him an iPhone? That was crazy talk woman! She quickly reminded me that I still owned my original iPhone and that even in its beaten (but still functional) state; it would be a perfect gift for Ty. Oh was she right, she couldn’t have been more righter (is that a word?) Ty played with that thing until the battery died, he’d then charge it and go right back at it. But let’s not forget about Tre, he wanted in on the action as well and this led to many squabbles in our household. Ty loved his iPhone, but unfortunately, he didn’t cherish it!

The kid was just plain sloppy with the device, he would misplace it at least twice a week in the house somewhere. Magically, it would always turn up and he would resume his routine activities. One time, while I was in Minnesota and the family was still in Raleigh, I got a phone call from a lady in a grocery store parking lot. She informed me that she had found my son’s phone and wanted to return it. I was totally confused, because in my eyes Ty’s iPhone was more of a gaming device than a phone. After the confusion wore off I thanked her and gave her instructions on how to get in touch with Fefe. We got the phone back, but we both were furious that Ty would be so careless, what made matters worse was the fact that he acted as if he didn’t care that his most prized possession was missing. To teach him the value of his items, we decided to find a new adoptive home for the iPhone, that home was in the loving arms of Tre.

This was only temporary, to show Ty what he would be missing out on if he lost his phone again, but Tre didn’t seem to see it that way. After the week long punishment was over, Tre was forced to give the iPhone back to Ty and you would have thought we took his first born child from him. After witnessing his attachment to the device, we knew what needed to happen. Next upgrade, just push the phones down the line. So not only was I eagerly awaiting the release of the iPhone 5, my entire family was; a new iPhone for me, meant a new iPhone for everyone.

During the many months of waiting, Ty got even more careless with his iPhone: losing it in the ball pit (why he had it, I don’t know), dropping it down stairs, leaving it at friends houses, the list goes on. I guess in hindsight I can’t be too upset with him, especially when you consider that Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree line from earlier. If we look at Fefe’s track record, we can understand Ty’s propensity for lousy phone care. Fefe has left her phone in the movie theater, got it run over by MY car, lost it while leaving the bar, dropped in from 2 stories high, so yeah, I guess Ty can’t be held totally accountable. But in an effort to break the genetic clumsiness chains, we told Ty that if he didn’t take care of his phone, when it came time to upgrade, Tre would be the one getting Fefe’s phone instead of him.

Unfortunately, as you can see from the video below, Ty did not take care of his phone. He rendered it completely useless. So now here we sit, iPhone 4s finally in my hands and Tre is now the recipient of a new phone instead of Ty. He looked extremely upset when the transition from Fefe to Tre was taking place. We told him it would happen, but I guess he felt it wouldn’t actually come true. It may seem harsh that he’s being bypassed in the iPhone chain, but hopefully this will teach him to value his possessions. A few months down the road when the iPhone 5 comes out, we’ll find out if he’s been rehabilitated or not.

The Hair, Look At The Hair

The old Ty is back and I couldn’t be happier. For the past 6 months I have been staring at that child and asking myself why? Why does my child have to look like a Little Rascals extra, why in the world did he desire to grow his hair out? I already knew the answer to that question, so I’m not sure why I repeatedly asked it. Maybe it was a coping mechanism, my way of making it through the pain of having a self induced nappy headed child. But that’s all over now, as I said, the old Ty is back and what you see below is all that is left of those painful 6 months that have just ended.

That's A Lot Of Hair

I previously stated that I knew the answer to why Ty wanted to grow his hair out; sadly, that reason is his little brother. Tre gets a TREMENDOUS amount of attention due to his wild hairstyle and although Ty will never admit it, he was a bit envious. Naturally as a young six year old, he craved the hair attention as well and asked to grow his hair out because (according to him) FEFE should have never cut it when he was a baby. Funny how Mom’s always get blamed whenever ANYTHING goes wrong.

After about a month of constant badgering, Fefe and I sat down and had a long discussion. If they boy wanted to let his hair grow, then we were not going to restrict his creative juices. We would suffer through the pain and agony of watching our handsome, dapper young man turn into a disheveled, ungroomed, ruffian all in the name of creative freedom for Ty. We informed him that he would no longer be receiving regular haircuts and the kid couldn’t have been happier. A split screen shot of our faces spliced with Ty’s at the exact moment that the news was broke would have shown a completely opposite picture (something like this   

Fast forward 4 months and the moment of truth is upon us, it’s finally time to get Ty’s hair braided. This is it, this is what we’ve all been waiting for, the moment when Ty goes from looking like Buckwheat to Bone Thugs In Harmony. Okay, maybe that was a bad example. At any rate, my Mom went ahead and braided Ty’s hair and all were pleased. He was no longer looking rough and ragged, he was once again semi-presentable. Three days later, it was all over, the glory days faded quickly, the braids didn’t last long at all and we were back at square one.

Ah, So Much Better

Any other parents would have pulled the plug at that very moment, but no, not us, not the “cool” parents. We wanted to give Ty another shot, he was so pleased with his braids; irregardless of the fact that they only lasted for 3 days, so we couldn’t break his little heart. A few more hair braiding attempts, and a few more disappointed faces 3 days later and we finally hit rock bottom. I’ve never been happier to have a relative hit rock bottom, sad I know, but justified.

Last Friday Ty came home from school, it was a beautiful day and EVERY kid in the neighborhood was outside playing. Ty quickly requested to go outside and was met with the standard “after your homework” response. See, we’re cool and trendy, as well as responsible parents. After completing his homework, Ty jumped up, eager to go outside. As soon as he got his shoes on, the doorbell rang and his hair braider was here. This was a devastating blow, it had been cold all week and this was the first nice day, not to mention it was a Friday and instead of going outside to play, Ty was forced to sit in the house having his hair yanked and pulled. I think the disappointment weighed on him, because he cried while getting his hair braided. He usually shows signs of discomfort during the procedure, but it has never brought him to tears. I think this was the last straw; the kid was denied access to his friends and on top of it was in pain.

After his hair was done, the kids were all gone and you could see the frustration rising in Ty’s face. He came to us and said, if my braids come out quickly this time, I think I want to get my hair cut. BINGO, YES, BAM, BOOM, , SUCCESS, MISSION COMPLETE!!! Not only did Ty come to the realization that the hair thing isn’t for him, but he got to see that we respected him enough to give him the freedom to come to his own decision.

Cut, Cut, Snip, Snip

Even though this was a painful process for Fefe and I to go through, it was a worthwhile one. I think that it is very important for parents to value their child’s creativity and personality (however misguided it may be). I’m happy we gave Ty the opportunity to test the waters and find out for himself that the hair thing is Tre’s thing, and he gets attention for many other things that are exclusive to his character.

Welcome Back Ty