A Quarter Can Change The World

Allow me to take you back, back in time to a place when things were much much simpler.  Close your eyes for a moment and imagine…wait a minute, if you close your eyes, how can you read this post? Okay scratch that, keep your eyes open and imagine your oh so wonderful childhood, when you had not a care in the world.  Ah the good ole days right, a bag of chips cost 25 cents, summer actually meant 2 entire months of freedom.  Yeah, life was a lot easier back then and as much as we’d like to stay young forever, it’s not very feasible.  However, when there are kids around, you can be forever young, reliving your special memories through them.  That’s what happened to me the other day, Tre made a comment that showed my exactly how simplistic his world view is and it’s been the highlight of my week, possibly the whole month.

A few days ago, I get a call from Fefe while I’m at work. It was a short call, straight to the point: “You better bring home a quarter, gotta go”.  Just read that sentence for a moment; now imagine how baffled I was on the other end of the line listening to it.  I’ve recently introduced Fefe to the joys of one of my favorite television shows, “The Wire” so I thought this was some half-ass joke. Maybe she was pretending our phones were tapped and she was talking in code to set up a drug deal?  Whatever the case, I spent way more time than I should have trying to determine what was going on.  Completely stumped, I pushed it out of my mind and carried on.  Until I got a text while on my way home: “You get the quarter?” Okay, enough is enough, somebody’s gonna explain to me what’s going on here!

So I called her and demanded that she explain all of this quarter talk that she had been rambling about throughout the day. She gladly obliged and told me about a conversation that she had with Tre earlier in the day.

Tre: “Mommy, Daddy at work?”

Fefe: “Yes baby, Daddy’s at work”

Tre: “Daddy went to work to get quarters”

Fefe: “huh?”

Tre: “Daddy went to work to get green quarters for me, that’s why Daddy at work”

Fefe:  “Yes baby, you’re right.  That’s exactly why Daddy’s at work”

If you don’t speak toddler, that gibberish may not make a lot of sense to you, what Tre was trying to say is that Daddy goes to work to get quarters so that he can buy green gumballs.  How green gumballs became green quarters, I have no clue.  Quite frankly, I’m a little disturbed by the fact that I’m actually able to translate such things.  Maybe Tre has been watching “The Wire” and has learned to speak in code better than we have. 

I’m not sure how this kid already knows to associate me going to work with money, but somehow he has learned a basic understanding of the way the world works.  However flawed his understanding may be, the concept has been instilled in him.  The more I thought about it, the more it made me smile.  At two years old, the little guy has learned that his Daddy must leave him every day for several hours and go to “work” to bring home quarters to buy gumballs with.  It’s still taking a little bit of time to get use to the fact that my son is willing to pimp me out for 8-10hrs a day to receive a lousy quarter.  But you see, that’s really the beauty of it all.  At his age, a quarter is all he needs to satisfy his wants and the fact that Daddy has to work all day to get that quarter is acceptable because it’s what’s important to him at this point in time.  As he grows older, what’s important will change and become more complicated; with that change comes stress, worries, and disappointments.  So I hope he holds onto this simplistic outlook on life for as long as he can.  As long as he does, I’ll be happy to slave the day away for quarters to make my little guy happy.

I’ve learned something from this encounter with Tre.  When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and things are becoming too much to handle, just think back to when times were a lot simpler, when your biggest worry was getting a quarter for the gumball machine.  Something that seems so trivial now, was actually very important to you way back then, and you somehow found a way to carry on, whether you got that quarter or not.  So while your current troubles may seem enormous to you now, in the future you may look back on them as being nothing more than a quarter in the gumball machine.

This Has Got To Stop

Last night I tweeted a tweet that went a little something like this: “Silly Bandz are ruining the world, yes the world! The children are the future and Silly Bandz are corrupting them, therefore the world is doomed!”  I meant every word of that statement and I stand by it.  The things I’ve seen in association with these simple rubber bands have been enough to make a sane man check himself into Bellevue and never come out.  You want to know why the Swine Flu pandemic never happened, well it’s because the Bandz pandemic took over first.  I’ve seen frightening things people, and in an effort to educate you on the fight against Silly Bandz, I will share those memories that I fought so hard to repress, putting myself through pain and anguish all for the greater good of mankind.

These things come in different shapes and colors, THAT’S IT. They don’t do anything special, don’t make cool sounds, nothing, just different shapes and colors.  You would think with all of the technology floating around, our children would demand more from their newest fad, but they don’t. Silly Bandz are simple and they love them. Kids don’t even go outside to play anymore; they go outside to trade these stupid things.  Apparently, trading is a skilled art form that takes precision and accuracy to complete so there isn’t time for outrageous activities such as hide & seek, or tag.  One day, Ty was outside “playing” with his friends for at least 2 hours.  I checked on them periodically and I witnessed no playing at all.  They were just sitting on the ground talking, shuffling these rubber bands around amongst each other. When Ty came in, I asked why him and his friends weren’t playing. His response: “Oh we were playing, see look, I made some good trades. Look at this pig I got and oooohhhh check out this, ummm <blank stare> ummm, well I don’t know what it is, but it’s cool huh”.  All I could do was shake my head and look to Tre as our only hope.  Ty was too far gone, he couldn’t be saved, could no longer be trusted, he’d steal from his momma to get his hands on more Silly Bandz, he had become infected. 

The Infection Is Spreading

But not Tre, he was still pure, seemingly immune to the effects of this horrid disease.  But as with any pandemic, the strong can only hold out for so long. A few days ago, Ty purchased a new pack of Silly Bandz and was gracious enough to share 2 with his little brother.  Well gracious is a bit of an overstatement, it should really be replaced with FORCED.  This kid honestly didn’t want to give up those 2 Silly Bandz and for the life of me I couldn’t understand why.  I mean, he had about 70 split up between his wrists and just got a new pack of 24, so what’s the harm in giving up two of them? Maybe he was trying to protect Tre, trying to ensure that he wouldn’t make the same mistakes and walk to dangerous path that Ty had travelled down. Whatever his reasoning, it didn’t work.  Just that small sample was enough to infect Tre.  When this disease hits, it hits hard and fast.  Within two days Tre and his 2 Silly Bandz were inseparable. 

Last night during bedtime, Tre kept whining about his Silly Bandz, saying that he lost them.  After the fourth trip upstairs to find his lost possessions (which were always located right next to him in the bed), I said enough was enough.  I told him I was going to put them on the dresser so that he wouldn’t lose them and that right there was the biggest mistake of my life.  This boy cried like I had never seen him cry before, constantly repeating “I need Silly Bandz” in a tear-filled shivering tone. It was nearly unbearable; I couldn’t stand to watch how this disease affected him. So I gave them back and realized that I had now lost 2 sons to this wretched infection.

Based on what I’ve witnessed over the past few months, with last night being the icing on the cake; I now know that something must be done about this issue. Someone must take a stand and save our youth.  I’m planning a march on Washington to propose that our government fund a “FIGHT THE BANDZ” campaign. It’s going to have a really cool acronym like D.A.R.E. did with their drug campaign and together we are going to fight this epidemic and take our children back! Are you with me people???

Tre is all grown up now!!!

Have you ever had baby balls dangling in your face? No? Well you’ve never attempted to potty train a little boy.  Let me tell you right now, it’s not a pleasant experience. The booty and balls of a two year old are not two things that I want to be up close and personal with; but in the end, it all paid off.  If any of you have read my tweets, or Facebook statuses over the past few days, you’ll know that we’ve been potty training Tre with great success recently.  It’s been a long & tough road, but we now see light at the end of the tunnel and I’ll share with you my 100% guaranteed fools proof plan to potty train your child in 2 days flat!

Okay, it’s not fools proof, it’s not even 100% guaranteed, hell, it may not even work, but it’s worth a try right, lol.  Let me start by saying it’s all about waiting until the child is ready, you can’t force it on them, they just have to want to learn it.  Tre is 2.5 years old and he finally decided that it was his time to learn.  You always hear people touting, “my child was potty trained at 18 months, blah blah blah” so what, who cares, I can’t stand it! When your kid turns 30 and still doesn’t have a pot to piss in, that little achievement at 18 months really won’t matter will it! Ah who am I kidding, if Tre learned to go at a young age like that, I’d be the same exact way, probably worse, you guys wouldn’t hear the end of it. Hypocrite, yes. Ashamed, NO.  Nonetheless, I’m super stoked that he’s learning to go potty, and doing such a great job at it.  But it wasn’t always roses and sunshine, in the beginning, it was more like hot garbage and thunderstorms.  In other words, it stunk and you couldn’t avoid getting wet.

Yeah that’s right, I’ve been peed on, I’ve had stink (our word for fecal matter) stains smeared on my clothes. I’m a Dad and it’s all part of the process, I’m proud of it!  But once Tre got older and we attempted potty training on numerous occasions, it wasn’t so much getting hit with his body fluids any more, but more so just his body.  We’d take his diaper off and let him run free, unfortunately, Tre doesn’t understand the rules of common decency.  He didn’t care that he was naked, if he wanted to jump on Daddy’s back, then Daddy better be prepared to palm a little booty.  He’d do things like climb on my shoulder and jump off onto the couch.  Do you have any idea how difficult it is to watch SportsCenter with baby balls dangling in your face? I couldn’t tell if Lebron was holding a basketball during that press conference, or if Tre’s family jewels just had perfect alignment with the TV screen.

The first few times we took the diaper off, it went a lot like this: Tre would do a short Indian rain dance indicating that he needed to go, we’d rush him to the toilet only for him to run away to his pile of diapers and point to them screaming that he needs a diaper.  Remember we’re talking about a two year old here, bladder control isn’t one of their strong suits, so after all of this commotion, you’ve probably already guessed that we had a small spill to clean up. Do you have any idea how low it makes a person feel to endure a naked lap dance from their child, only to then be forced to clean up pee from the carpet? Once we finally got him to sit on the toilet, it surely didn’t last long. He’d spend about 10 seconds there and then HE would say: “good try, time to flush”. At least he felt he had made a good attempt, but I suspect it was all a ploy to try and flush the toilet.

I know you’re probably thinking, “Keith, you said this was a success story, where the hell is the success?” You’re absolutely right; I’m getting to the success part, but it happened so quickly that I wouldn’t have had much of a story if I jumped straight to it. This past Sunday, I decided enough was enough; I wanted to liberate myself and become balls free.  So I took the diaper off and proceeded to usher Tre off to the toilet every 10 minutes to see if he would go.  This was very disappointing at first, he just wouldn’t go and I running out of Lysol to decontaminate all of the objects his naked body had come in contact with.  Then suddenly a light bulb must have went off in his head, because after 2hrs of failures at 10 minute intervals, he said “Daddy, I have to pee pee.” I humored him, and took him back to the bathroom again; I knew he wasn’t going to go, but it was worth a try.  Just as I expected, he didn’t go, so I went instead.  He told me I did a good job and left the bathroom (isn’t that backwards).  Then 30 seconds after that he ran back into the bathroom with the speed of a lightning bolt.  I had no idea what was going on, so I just followed behind him, next thing you know, he’s peeing in the toilet!!!! I got so excited, that I think I scared him with all the clapping and cheering; he only got out 6 drops.  Those were the most important 6 drops of both of our lives, he had done it and it was time to celebrate.

I think that we may have celebrated a bit too hard though.  No lie, Tre went to pee in the potty at least 20 times in a few hours.  Each time just pumping out a few drops, enough to keep the party going and keep the praise coming.  Eventually, he started holding it longer each time and started making full fledged bathroom trips.  I’m so proud of the little guy and look forward to helping him continue his progression.

Do you remember when you first learned to ride your bike without training wheels? If you’re anything like me, that moment was THE single most important achievement of your 5 to 6 years on this planet. Well some 20 odd years after I learned to do it, I’ve taught Ty to ride without training wheels & it felt as though I had achieved greatness again. What’s even better is that I was able to witness the feeling of a 5 year old conquering his biggest challenge yet & it was invigorating to be on the other side this time. But then that all came crashing to a fiery end; once the excitement subsided, the dreadful memories of my training wheel boot camp came flooding back & the tears of joy that I shed for Ty turned to tears of heartache and pain.

You might be saying to yourself: “come on Keith, it couldn’t have been that bad” Well it was, first off, when I was taught to ride, there were no fancy bike helmets & pads. If there were I surely didn’t have them. Handy “teach your kid to ride” guides, like the one I’m writing right now weren’t readily available either. So the process was a very long, tedious, & injury full one. My Dad thought it’d be a good idea to start teaching me in the grass, “the grass is soft” he said, “it doesn’t hurt if you fall” he said. WRONG, the grass is not soft and it certainly hurt when I fell.  I think his words gave me a false sense of security and caused me to believe that I was invincible as long as I was in the grass. 

Once we moved to the pavement, I was so badly bruised up that the fear of another fall is probably the only thing that kept me upright for so long.  My Dad gave me the “I won’t let go until you tell me line” and we were off.  Unfortunately, my Mom hadn’t gotten the memo and when she came outside and witnessed me riding was so overjoyed that she began applauding my efforts.  Well this kind of tipped me off to the fact that Dad was no longer holding on, my first thought was the pavement is a lot harder than the grass so I have to stop before this ends badly.  Between all of the excitement, I totally forgot all of my brake safety lessons and this lesson ended in a big boom.  Let’s just say I stuck to my scooter for a while after that.

My experience with riding wasn’t fun, which is part of the reason I put off teaching Ty for so long, but luckily his experience was a lot more pleasurable than mines. He didn’t have one scrape, cut, or bruise by the time we finished.  Hell, he only fell once and even that wasn’t a complete fall.  He was a natural and it warmed my heart to see him excel so well.  I don’t know if it was the 95 degree heat, or his own determination, but we were only out there for 5 minutes before he took off on his own and was riding freely.  He was ecstatic, I was relieved.  All of the alcohol, peroxide, and band aids could be safely tucked away in the medicine cabinet for another time.

***Sidenote*** I’ve talked to my parents about my memories of learning to ride and they deny all events.  They claim, I learned to ride in a matter of minutes and didn’t shed a tear doing so.  Did I obtain the memories of my past from some movie or TV show, or are they covering up a family conspiracy?  They sounded suspicious in their recollection and kept giving each other shifty glances (We had this conversation over FaceTime) so I don’t believe them. Until time machines are cheap enough for household use, the debate wages on.

Tips To Teach Your Kid To Ride Without Training Wheels

• Start with a scooter, it teaches the child the art of balancing their weight, which is crucial for riding without training wheels
• Don’t hold the handlebars, hold the seat only.  The handle bars are used for both steering and balance, if you hold on to them, the child won’t get a since of their weight shifting and how to adjust accordingly
• Ensure they have a good understanding of how to use the brakes so that once they get going, they’ll be able to stop without jumping (or falling) off the bike.
• Tell them up front that they are probably going to fall and may even get a scratch or cut.  This makes them aware of the possibility so that if it happens they will be more willing to get back on and try again.
• Don’t tell them that you won’t let go, the shock and enjoyment of a child realizing that they’re doing it on their own is enough to cause an immediate crash.  Instead, by informing them that you will let go at some point, they already know that they’ll be doing it on their own at some point
• Avoid the grass. It is more difficult to pedal in the grass than on the pavement, which diverts attention away from more important things such as balance and proper break usage

These are the tips I used to teach Ty to ride his bike in under 5 minutes, they may not be all inclusive or universal for every child, but I’d say it’s a good place to start.  What tips or tricks have you used to teach your child?  Are there any memories of your own learning experience that helped or hindered your progress in becoming a teacher?

I know, I know, I promised you guys 3 lists this week and the last one was suppose to be a gift guide for husbands and wives. Well as I started making that list, I got to thinking, how can I possibly publish this thing without compromising the many surprises that I have planned for Fefe? There was no way around it, so I decided to cut the wife portion of the list and just put out a gifts for Dads guide. After creating the “guys only” list, I thought it would be a bit selfish of me to put that list up without a counterpart for my female readers. I didn’t want to be accused of 1) Only looking out for the fellas or 2) Trying to “hint” at things I wanted for Christmas. If you knew some of my readers like I do, then you’d know that accusations fly freely, lol! Therefore, there will be no last gift guide, instead I’d like to hear some of the things that you’ll be shopping for this holiday season and some of the things that you’re hoping your significant other will be buying for you. Please share, I’m always interested to find out how closely my gift choices align with other individuals.

Welcome back to day two of Daddy’s Fish Bowl’s 2009 Holiday Gift Guide.  I hope you enjoyed the options presented yesterday for toddlers.  Today we’re shifting gears and taking a look at some options that your preschooler is sure to enjoy.  Shopping for this age group can become a tad more difficult as you attempt to balance fun toys and learning toys, our list contains a good amount of both, but as always, if you have suggestions that should be added or comments on any of the items listed, be sure to let it be known in the comments section.

First Act Discovery Designer Jr. Drum Set -Now you might be a little leery about this gift, as your ears may never forgive you.  But isn’t the holiday season all about “It’s better to give than receive?”  Making music is a favorite pasttime for every child, so let yours become as creative as possible with this drum set. You can pick this up at Toys R Us for about $80.

Deluxe Black Moon Shoes -Not quite ready to splurge on that trampoline that they’ve been asking for?  Well Moon Shoes are the perfect answer.  With all the bouncing and hopping around, fun and excitement are sure to be found, not to mention some good ol fashion exercise as well.

 
Leapster 2 Learning Game System -This is perfect for those long road trips, it’ll keep your little one busy for quite some time and will also provide valuable learning opportunities.  With the enormous selection of games available, you’ll be able to find something to supplement any area of your child’s learning curriculum. 

Gator Golf -Are you training the next Tiger Woods?  Well, this game is a good place to start.  Gator golf is a fun game that you’ll probably enjoy just as much as your child.  It sure beats going out for a round of miniature golf in the winter time.

Air Hogs Laser Micro Zero Gravity - This toy just looks awesome. I know my little guy loves remote control cars, so he’d really get a kick out of this one.  I mean come on, it can go on walls and ceilings, can you imagine the type of race track your child could dream up with those type of possibilities?

Smart Cycle Extreme- Exercise, Learning, and Fun all in one? Hey, I’m sold!  You can’t beat that right, one of the biggest knocks on video games is that kids become couch potatoes, well the smart cycle takes that logic and throws it out the window.  With games ranging from counting to reading, there’s something available for everyone.

Lego Walkie Talkies -There’s no better way to unleash a child’s creativity than going on a secret mission and keeping in contact when you become separated.  The possibilities are endless, spy’s, army officers, policemen, with a couple of walkie talkies in your hands, you and your child can become anything you want.

3-In-1 Smart Sports Plug ‘N Play Game -This is another one that’ll get the kids up and about.  It’s perfect for the winter months when going outside to enjoy their favorite sports isn’t the best option.  Instead they can stay inside, keep warm and swing away in a variety of sports.  With the simple plug n play setup, this ones sure to be a winner.

GeoTrax Transportation System -Trains, Trains, Trains, little boys love trains.  However at this age, they may not be ready for the more complex, expensive models.  GeoTrax has the answer, this system is sturdy and extremely customizable, so they’ll have lots to do.  There are also several add ons that are sure to keep the fun going.

Super Friends Batcave - This batcave comes equipt with tiny action figures that are perfect for tiny hands.  It has several compartments and gadgets that will assist in creating some very memorable play sessions.

Hello all, in the spirit of Black Friday coming up, this weeks posts will be dedicated to holiday gift guides.  There will be a separate guide for toddlers, preschoolers, and a combined guide for husbands and wives.  The gift guides will feature some items that the boys already own, as well as items that we plan to purchase for them this Christmas.  The items are in no special order, they are all gifts that I find interesting and think the kids will enjoy playing with.  Please feel free to add items to the list in the comment section, or if you already own a particular item, share your experience with it.  I hope you enjoy, talk to you soon.

Fisher-Price Handy Manny’s Repair Shop - What boy doesn’t want a cool tool bench? With all the included tools and sounds, your child will be repairing things (or making them worse) just like Dad does  

Mega Bloks Build ‘n Go Table - Building blocks is a favorite past time for any child, with this table the toddlers creativity and projects can soar to new heights  

Imaginarium Giant Bead Maze Cube - You usually see these at doctors offices and day care centers, but one thing I’ve always noticed is that they can hold a childs attention for a very long time.  I don’t know what it is about this toy, but kids love it.  

Baby Farm Friends Bowling - Bowling is fun for kids of all ages, this set includes different farm animals which toddlers also enjoy learning about    

Fisher-Price Mickey Mouse’s Magic Choo Choo Train Set - Train sets are awesome, but for a toddler, they may be a bit complex.  Mickey comes in to solve that issue with the magic choo choo train which lays its own tracks.  Sounds like a winner to me.  

Vtech Jungle Gym Ride and Learn Giraffe Bike - So maybe your little one isn’t quite ready for a real bike yet, but this stationary one is sure to put them on the right track.  Throw in some simple learning games for them to do while peddling and you’ve got a winner.  

Fisher-Price The Original Tickle Me Elmo - Kids love Elmo, do I have to say any more?  

Elefun – The Butterfly Catchin’ Game - I think this one may be a tad bit out of a young toddlers age group, but can definitely see them growing into it quickly. I can imagine this game providing tons of exercise and entertainment.  

Tonka Toughest Mighty Dump Truck - Construction vehicles always excite children, I don’t know if it’s their large size, the noises they make, or the activities they perform, whatever the case, kids love them so they’ll love replicating their actions at home.  

Playskool Tonka Bounce Back Racer - Ah, the first remote control car.  This one looks simple enough to control and have some fun with.  At this age, we can’t give them the keys to the car just yet, so why not settle for the next best thing

Tre is ready to combat the Swine Flu

Some of you may have noticed the lack of posts last week, well that’s because we were all sick. Wait, let me rephrase that; my entire family was sick, and I was stuck taking care of them. That of course led to me being sick towards the end of the week. Fun times right? It’s always like that in our house, sickness is a domino effect. Once one person gets a cold, it spreads like wildfire to each member of our household until it has crippled each and every last one of us. No matter what we do to try and prevent it, there is no stopping the wrath of sickness! I have a few tips that may be able to help you, avoid the domino effect. In our home they never work completely, but I do think that they contribute to a quicker recovery.

Last week was definitely one that was out of the ordinary. I had a business trip and brought the family along with me and Fefe had her surgery to have the IUD removed. Oh yeah, on top of this already action packed week, EVERYONE got sick at some point. It all started with Ty, he’s usually the culprit. I don’t know what it is about him, but the kid brings germs into our home like they are his best friend. Last Saturday, he started with the cough; you know the cough that rarely gets covered? Yeah that cough, the one that somehow seems to occur directly over his little brother’s food. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he does it intentionally, he’s just a kid and that’s what kids do. I remember being a kid and NEVER covering my mouth when I coughed or sneezed. Like really, you want me to basically spit into my own hand? Screw that, was the mentality that I had. At least Ty does attempt to cover his mouth; I’d say 1 out of 3 coughs/sneezes gets covered up. Unfortunately, that’s just not good enough.

Why wasn’t it enough you may ask? It wasn’t enough because both Fefe & Tre got sick during my business trip. Fefe had a very bad sore throat and nearly lost her voice, while Tre was running a fever upwards of 102 and had no appetite at all. Needless to say, the trip turned out to be a dud, because no one was able to enjoy themselves. Enjoyment was the least of my worries though; I was more focused on protection! Sadly, there was no protection to be offered, no where to run, no where to hide. Being stuck in the small hotel room for three days with 3 sick people who were coughing, sneezing, and just spreading germs every minute of the hour, meant that I would be the next to succumb to this illness. I tried my best to stay healthy in that hotel, I even tried to quarantine the sick and shut in, to no avail. So while taking care of business on this trip, I also ended up taking care of the family, which left me tired, worn out, and effectively weakened my immune system. As you probably guessed, on Wednesday when we got back home, my throat started feeling a bit sore.

I immediately started gargling with salt water and taking Cold Eeze, and for a while it worked. By the end of the day, I felt better and thought that I had successfully fended off the attack. Unfortunately, Fefe had surgery at 6am the next day and was pretty much out of commission the entire day afterwards. This meant, no rest and no sleep, which of course leads to a weakened immune system and practically invites the germs back in to attack me. At this point, Ty is of course fully recovered and bouncing off the walls and Tre is still kind of sick, but definitely milking it and taking full advantage. We somehow manage to get through the day without Fefe and I’m still feeling pretty good, so I was happy, I thought success had been obtained.

Then it hit me on Saturday, I felt like crap. Sore throat, runny nose, no energy; I got hit hard. It probably had something to do with the fact that on Friday Fefe made breakfast, and although Tre had already finished his food, he weaseled his way to my plate and effectively touched every piece of food present. He picked up my sausage, took a bite of my toast, and even grabbed some of my scrambled eggs. What I didn’t know is that he had a hand full of snot while he was doing it. Fefe had gone upstairs to get some wipes for his hands and when she came back I told her how he attacked my food. As I stuff snot soaked toast in my mouth, she asks “did you clean his hands?” I respond with “no I didn’t, why?” and then she lays it on me. She told me how he had just wiped his nose and had snotty hands. As she’s telling me this, the toast has just been swallowed and I immediately feel a sickness in the bottom of my stomach, but now it was too late, I knew what would come next and all I could do was wait for it to come. Well it came, and it’s still here! At least everyone else is almost back to full health so I can get the royal sick treatment. You better believe, I’m gonna take full advantage. So if you’d excuse me, I’m gonna ring my sick bell and summon up a glass of orange juice!

But before I go, here are those tips that I promised you! A few ways to HOPEFULLY prevent sickness, while living in a house full of sick people.

• Lysol, Lysol, Lysol! We Lysol everything to get rid of germs, we use the spray and the wipes, in an attempt to fight the spread of germs
• Cold Eeze. They may not stop you from getting sick, but I’ve found them to be effective in shortening the recovery time if you take them as soon as you feel it coming
• Vitamins (submitted by Lakaisha). I’m guilty of not taking these faithfully, but they help keep your immune system strong so should be effective in keeping you sick free
• Quarantine. If possible, keep the sick person confined to one area, that way they can get the rest they need and keep the spread of germs to a minimum
• Hand Washing. Every time that you come in contact with the sick indivual or surfaces that the sick person may have contaminated. Wash your hands, and sing the ABC’s to ensure you wash long enough.

That’s all I have for you guys, do you have any additional recommendations that you’d like to share?

Ever since Tre was born, people have been telling us that he needs to be a baby model; and as soon as they spend 5 mins around Ty, we hear “he was born to be on TV”.  At first, I just figured people were being kind, you know those are the type of things you’re supposed to say about kids.  After hearing it time and time again, I reconsidered the validity of what friends, family, and complete strangers were saying and thought, maybe so.  I went on a personal crusade to find a legit, reputable, modeling agency to represent the boys and needless to say, I came up empty on more than one occasion.  But yesterday, I thought we hit gold with the American Mall Model Search; sadly, in the end, it turned out to be just another rip off (in my opinion).  But this time, it wasn’t just Fefe & I who wasted our time and energy and got our hopes up for nothing; the kids were involved and lead to believe that they could be “stars”, and that pisses me off.  When I started this search about a year ago, I did tons of research that allowed me to determine that something just wasn’t quite right with the American Mall Model Search and I’m thankful that I was able to spot it out and not waste any money or additional time.  At the end of this post I’ll share some of the top things I’ve learned about the “industry” with you future Mommy & Daddy managers out there to hopefully save you some time & trouble.

A few weeks ago, a family member (who shall remain nameless) called Fefe and told her about this model thing at the mall and that her two granddaughters had gotten modeling contracts from it.  I was skeptical, but figured hey if it worked for them, why not give it a try.  We went to the mall and filled out the paperwork and within a few days got a call back with a date and time to come in and audition.  That time & date was yesterday at 7:15.  That’s primetime in our home, its after dinner and before the kids go to bed.  It’s our family bonding time and we decided to give it up for a shot at making it big time. Big Mistake!

As soon as we arrived at the mall and found the runway stage, red flags started going off almost immediately!  There were a bunch of teenagers there and EVERYONE was in skinny jeans, it was like a skinny jeans convention! Sidenote: I hate skinny jeans, and it ain’t because I’m not skinny. Then I notice that all of the skinny jean teenagers were actually working for the model search company.  They were signing people up and passing out numbers, etc.  As I looked around, I was unable to locate ANYONE over the age of 21 that was actually working. RED FLAG!!! Well, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt, since we were a little early.  I assumed all of the adults and “qualified” talent scouts must be in the back or something. Well I was wrong, once it got started; the same teenagers were the only ones around and were running the show alone.  I immediately thought, how is a bunch of teenagers gonna determine who has what it takes to be a model and who doesn’t?  But again, dreaming big, I was able to rationalize it.  This was the preliminary rounds, so how much talent is really needed to weed out the really horrible contestants.  A word of advice: hope can often cloud your better judgment, so be careful.

Once the modeling hopefuls started walking the runway, it was absolute comedy!  I mean most of the people were down right BAD.  Not the kids of course, they were all cute and adorable.  But some of those adults should have been ashamed of themselves.  There was around 40 people trying out and of the 25 or so adults that went up there, I saw maybe THREE people that didn’t make complete fools of themselves.  During the auditions, I noticed that one of the teenage “judges” barely looked up from his paper at all; just constantly writing with a quick glance hear or there. RED FLAG!!! After the auditions, they were ready to announce the results.  They said that there were only 5 people who didn’t get picked. WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?  Okay, I can understand picking all the kids (maybe) but there is no way that half of the people up there could have been seriously considered for a modeling contract. RED FLAG!!!

At this point, I’m still slightly hopeful, and still ignoring the red flags that keep waving at me.  They announce the adults first, and Fefe’s number is called, yayyy.  Then onto the kids, they announce their number one, top choice and when they call the number its none other than Tre, yayyyy! Then Ty’s number gets called, yayyyy!  We’re all winners, I knew it, my family has what it takes.  We were so super pumped because now we get to come back for the finals and do a photo shoot and talent portion.  We get the scoresheets and they have things like “cutie pie”, “cool smile”, “neat poses” written all over them. RED FLAG!!! I’m not a model agency excec, but I’m quite sure they have better, more official, terminology to use than the ones that were chosen to describe why my family members would make great models.

Finally, they bring us to the booth to “schedule” our finals audition and that’s where they lay it on us.  In order to move on to the finals, you have to participate in the photo shoot, and guess what, you have to pay for it!  $150 each for Ty & Tre, and $300 for Fefe. DING DING DING, so this is what all those red flags were trying to warn me about.  I explain to this teenager, they we already have professional photos (which we don’t, just wanted to see his response) and he tells me that we MUST use their photographers if we want to be entered in the finals.  That statement, combined with everything else that went on during the evening convinced me that the American Mall Model Search is a scam.  Why would they not mention this upfront? Why put us through this whole process, get our hopes up, get my kids excited about being stars, only to throw a $600 bill in our face for the POSSIBILITY of being selected in the finals?  Needless to say, I’m pretty pissed and hopefully this post will save other parents the headache of dealing with the bullshit associated with entering the model industry.

Signs That A Modeling Agency Is A Scam

They require professional photos for babies and small children – this is ridiculous, real agencies know that children’s looks change rapidily and will not force you to pay tons of money for photos that won’t look anything like your child 6 months from now

They only accept photos from their preferred photographer – modeling agencies make a percentage of their client’s earnings, so if they honestly thought you had what it takes, why force you to use their photographer? They should be able to take any profession photo and shop it around to find you a gig.

They require you to pay a fee before they will represent you – again, they get commission from the paying gigs that they find for you and that is the ONLY way a reputable, legit agency makes its money. 

There are a ton more, but I’m getting angry just writing about them.  If you’d like to know more, just email me and I’ll share all that I know

No, this post isn’t going to be about some newly discovered venereal disease that I contracted during a recent trip to Tijuana.   I haven’t been to Tijuana in years, so that would be old news (I kid).  Instead, this post is about turning even the smallest event into an educational opportunity that can be used to teach kids something new and exciting.  These chances pop up every so often and if you’re not careful you can definitely miss them.  So keep your creativity hats on at all times; because to the untrained eye, bodily fluids may not seem like the best tool to use for teaching a pre-schooler, but by putting a little spin on it, they can learn something new and have fun doing it.

It all started with Fefe and her superwoman cleaning abilities. Sidenote: Fefe is like a new age Mary Poppins or something, the kids demolish the house everyday and yet she still manages to have it sparkling when I get home. I tell her to just let it be, it’s a waste of energy, but somehow she turns the chaos created by the boys into a normal looking home. It’s still a mystery to me, but she won’t tell her secrets.  Okay, back to the story: Fefe decided to get some of those toilet bowl things that turn the water blue.  We haven’t had these in quite some time, I can’t remember why, but it’s been a while.  So she pops one in each bathroom and we think nothing of it, not realizing that Ty probably doesn’t remember the last time that we used these in the house. 

After waking up from a nap, Ty goes to the bathroom and then runs downstairs with a look of bewilderment on his face.  We ask him what’s wrong, and in a some what frightened tone he asks “why is my pee green?”  Totally forgetting about the blue toilet bowl stuff, I immediately begin to question him: “What do you mean it’s green? Are you sure it’s green? Did you eat anything green?” Now I’ve been pissing for 25+ years and not once has something I ate been able to turn my pee green, so why I would think food could affect Ty’s pee is beyond me.  My only explanation is that I was worried; let’s see how rationale your thinking is if your kid comes running to you talking about their pee is green!  Don’t judge me.

Fefe on the other hand was calm, cool, and collective the entire time; obviously realizing what I should have, that blue and yellow make green.  She didn’t immediately clue us in though; I think I’m rubbing off on her.  She told us that maybe I’ve infected Ty and now he’s turning into an alien (read this post for background).  Ty shouts out that WE are not aliens and I tell Fefe that this isn’t a joking matter; we need to find out what’s wrong with the boy.  She starts laughing and now both Ty and I share his look of bewilderment.  I’m thinking why doesn’t this woman care about the well being of her child who all of a sudden started peeing green?  After she’s done having fun with us, she reminds me and informs Ty that when you mix blue and yellow you get green.  I immediately felt as dumb as a door knob and Ty was just standing there looking like what do colors have to do with my pee.

Ty didn’t believe that the blue color in the water and the yellow color of his pee caused it to turn green, so we spent the next 30 minutes discussing primary colors and how mixing different colors can create new ones.  We probably went thru a few trees in the process, because once Ty understood the concept, all he wanted to do was mix, mix, and mix some more.  After going thru the basics color combinations, we let Ty get creative and he made a few really cool colors and many many shades of doo doo brown.  But the point is, he had fun and learned something valuable all because of something as simple as going to the bathroom.