Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Family, Fefe, KayKay | Posted on 24-09-2014
There’s Still Milk In There
Apparently, “check back tomorrow” means see you in a month, because it was a little over a month ago that I promised you guys Part 2, the thrilling conclusion to our “Taking My Breasts Back” story. I know that you guys are probably sitting there waiting for whatever lame excuse I try to use to explain my bad blogger behavior, but I’ve got news for you guys, this time there are no excuses, only facts. The factual (proven through scientific experimentation) reason that its taken so long to get this blog post out is because unbeknownst to me, I got sucked into some type of time warp that transported me through the space-time continuum in slow motion. I promise you, it was very Inception-ish, so in your minds, it may seem like an entire month has gone by, but in reality it has only been 24 hours since my last post (please disregard all time stamps and any other evidence that refutes my claims). So now that we’re all back together again ONE DAY later, why don’t we just jump right into the story and find out if I got my boobs back or if they’re still under the control of that dastardly (but cute) little monster called KayKay.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Fefe, KayKay | Posted on 11-08-2014
Yes, I am taking a stand and finally fighting for what’s rightfully mine. I’m taking my breasts back! Technically they aren’t my breasts per se, since they are attached to Fefe’s body and all, but we are married and what’s hers is ours, so legally they belong to me. Just trust me on this one folks, I’ve consulted a crack team of lawyers regarding personal property law & the firm’s most seasoned partner, a fellow by the name of Tre ensured me that I’m well within my rights.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Activities, Advice, Family | Posted on 03-06-2014
Summer Bucket List
Now that I’m an adult with children of my own, I am coming to the realization that “summer” means two completely different things for kids and grownups. For starters, summer doesn’t actually begin this year until June 21, 2014, however if you ask my kids Summer started last Friday which was there last day of school. I find it quite unfair that spring is getting cheated out of completing its contributions to the seasonal calendar. How the hell is spring supposed to earn early retirement if he’s not allowed to work a full shift? OMG, I really am thinking like a responsible adult. To kids, summer means freedom, later bedtimes, and hanging with friends having fun in the sun. To me, summer means more of the same with added responsibilities. I still have to go to work every day so that completely knocks freedom and later bedtime right off the list. As a parent, my social life is pretty much nonexistent, so I only see friends in the bleachers during little league soccer and baseball games; not really my idea of “hanging”. This leads us to “fun” in the sun, yeah sweating my butt off while putting in grueling hours of yard work is totally categorized under the fun category <insert huge dose of sarcasm here>. Clearly as an adult, Summer is no longer all it’s cracked up to be, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be a fun and exciting time to experience as a family. This year, Fefe came up with the idea of a Summer Bucket List to boost our typical summer experience and I’m really pumped about it.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Family, Tre, Ty | Posted on 21-11-2013
I need to start out by being up front on this one; I am by no means an expert on the following topic. Most of the time, I am a self-proclaimed expert on all things in all places, but when it comes to sibling interactions, I have to claim ignorance. Being the only child, you don’t get much experience with the day to day dealings of brothers and sisters. Cousins are the closest thing you have and if they piss you off, it’s not long before each of you are back in your separate homes and don’t have to see the other for a while. Apparently, that’s not the case with siblings, from what I’ve been told, there is no escape, there is no “un-brother” button ala Facebook. Once you have a sibling, you pretty much have them for life and this can become problematic, based on the stories I’ve heard and things I’ve witnessed.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Baby Guppy, Family, Fefe | Posted on 01-11-2013
Today I told Fefe to hit the road. I made her pack her bags and head for the hills. I just couldn’t take it anymore, today makes 9 very long months since things just haven’t been the same between us and I’ve finally put my foot down; enough is enough, the BS ends here!
Posted by Keith | Posted in Activities, Advice, Fefe | Posted on 23-10-2013
And we’re back for the thrilling conclusion to our ‘No Means No’ post. Will our hero reach enlightenment and understand the true meaning behind the word humility? Will he stand and fight against those who plot to thwart his plans of ultimate rightness? Will the injustices put forth by those who are habitually wrong, but continue to think they are correct be stomped out like a bug? Find out the answers to all of these questions and more by reading part 2 of our 2 part mega saga below.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Holidays, Ty | Posted on 09-10-2013
The difference a day makes….you know, I never really thought much about the significance of that statement; because up until today, there hasn’t been much that has drastically changed in my life over a 24 hour period. I mean sure, there have been ‘here today, gone tomorrow moments’, but nothing as substantial as a complete reversal of my beliefs from day 1 to day 2. Well that’s exactly what happened this time and honestly, I’m still trying to process it all. I feel duped, bamboozled, and a bit foolish; deception tends to have that type of affect on you from time to time. Yesterday, I wrote a blog post that had the following statement: “Usually, the parents are the shining stars after throwing a good party for their kid, but this year Ty stole the show and HE was my hero.” MY HERO, yes, I was proud to proclaim that my own child presented himself in such away that blew my moral compass off the charts and catapulted him well ahead of my previous hero, Wolverine. Well within a day, Ty has gone from hero to zero based on his counter-heroic actions. It actually pains my heart to write ‘zero’ in association with one of my kids, but unfortunately, it’s the way I feel at the moment.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Baby Guppy | Posted on 24-09-2013
Who doesn’t love honeymooner’s right? I mean, they’re always smiling, constantly laughing, you can just feel the love beaming off of them. People enjoy being around honeymooners because energy is contagious and quite frankly, there’s no better energy to have than newfound love. With that being said, you guys should all be breaking your necks, rushing to be by my side; that’s because I’m currently on my 2rd honeymoon and it’s great. No, no, no, I don’t have secret wives stashed away somewhere that I keep on call for a “rainy” (translation: Fefe’s got a headache) day. And no Fefe and I aren’t fiscally irresponsible enough to have a 2nd honeymoon before we finished paying the bills from the first one. Speaking of which, we haven’t had an adult vacation in over 3 years; maybe tomorrow’s blog post will be a solicitation for babysitters, be sure to tune in for that. Okay, so I’m not a polygamous, also Fefe and I, haven’t faired to well trying to get rid of the kids on the black market so we can take countless vacations, so why am I imploring you all to come soak up my good vibes? To be honest, after I re-read this, I actually seem pretty crabby; this isn’t really a hold hands and sing kumbaya type of intro. But I promise you, I am extremely happy, and it’s all because of Baby Guppy.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice | Posted on 20-06-2013
Tomorrow is the first day of Summer, WHOOHOO!!!! It’s about gosh darn time! But it’s also National ASK day; ask what you may be asking. Haha, starting this one off with zingers! National ASK (Asking Saves Kids) day simply asks that you ASK one question: “Is There A Gun Where Your Child Plays?” It’s just that simple, one easy question, that takes less than a minute to answer, but could potentially save a life. Is it worth your time to ASK? It’s certainly worth mine. But don’t stop there; once you answer, ask a friend, a neighbor, or a family member. I’m taking the time out to ASK you, in hopes that you’ll pay it forward and ASK others.
We’re baaaaaacccckkkkkk, transmitting live from, wait this is more of a transmission than a broadcast, and it’s more so pre-recorded than live, so um, let’s just say this post is coming all the way from Ireland. And now that we can clearly see that that’s a lie; I actually started writing this post in Ireland, but the jetlag took over and basically what you saw until the sentence previous to this one was about as far as I got. I know it’s been quite a while since I’ve put a post out and I feel horrible about that. Really I do, you should see my face, it’s the face of a horrible feeling person, never mind the fact that I’m hungover from frolicking with the Irish, the horrible feeling is totally dedicated to you guys. Well I guess I wrote that line in Ireland as well, and apparently, it was another lie. Lies, lies, lies, I’m starting to feel a bit Obama-ish. Ouch, I didn’t mean that, Obama, you my boy!!! So now that the lies and excuses are out of the way, let’s jump straight into this post shall we?