Below is a snippet from the book that details some of the many jewels of financial knowledge that Tre has acquired during his 4 year tenure here in the world:

For his birthday, Tre received a brand new shiny Mickey Mouse piggy bank. He quickly went around the house looking for any change that he could find so that he could load his bank up. When asked why he was performing the current activity, he simply responded: “because Mickey is empty so I need to fill him up”. Look at that logic folks, it’s simple economics really; when your bank account is empty, you need to fill it up. This kid is a genius! In addition to scowering the house for loose change, Tre took initiative and religiously began helping Fefe move the laundry from the washer to the dryer. This task was routine, mundane, and offered little prestige if any at all, but Tre enjoyed doing it, and he did it well. For that, I was forced to put him on the payroll and offer him up a salary. Again, another nugget of gold from the 4yr financial guru. Find something that you love to do, do it well, and it will pay dividends.

Recently, Tre offered up his most logical and insightful words of wisdom in the financial department. After going on a huge shopping spree, and splurging by spending a nice chunk of his allowance ($3), the moment that defined this boy as a financial leader occurred. We took the boys out to Target and let them run wild, well as wild as Tre could run with $3. He purchased a Hot Wheels car, and said that he wanted to save the rest of his money for an orange. An orange, really? All the toys at your disposal and you decide to buy an orange? I was so impressed with his decision that I decided to pitch in a little extra and get him an extra item. Do you see what he just did there? If you invest in the unexpected, others will invest in you! Although that philosophy is exceptional, it’s not what got Tre inducted into the finance hall of fame. It was the rationale that Tre explained once we returned home that sealed the deal.

After his purchases, he had some change left over, two quarters to be exact. I told Tre that he should go ahead and put his change in his piggy bank. His responses forever changed the way I view money, savings, and spending. I’m confident that it will do the same for you as well. Tre exclaimed NOOOOOOO, I CAN’T PUT THE QUARTERS IN MY BANK! This threw me off a bit, so I asked for a little more information. Tre was quick to point out that quarters aren’t meant to go into his piggy bank since they go on top of his dresser because he needs them for the bubble gum machine. Hmmmm, let’s see exactly where this leads us shall we?

Me: “So Tre, if quarters can’t go into the piggy bank, then what does go in there?”

Tre: “nickels and pennies” (not sure what happened to dimes)

Me: “Well what are you saving your piggy bank money for?”

Tre: “To get dollars, so I can buy stuff to get quarters for the bubble gum machine”

GENIUS!!! So the key to financial stability is to save a little money until you can buy the things you want which allows you to use the left overs for the important things in life: bubble gum machines!

I know that you can’t wait to read more info from Tre, the great financial advisor, so be sure to place your orders for “More At Four – Financial Stability Made Simple” soon, copies are flying off the shelf!

It All Started With A Block Of Wood

This past Saturday, I sent out the following Tweet:

“

@KRob5858

As promised, the time has come, the moment of truth is finally here.  Were we triumphant in our derby race debut? Or did we literally crash and burn? Did the newcomer tag team duo walk away empty handed and heavy hearted in a Tebowesque manner? Or perhaps we silenced the naysayers, crushed the competion and walked away with the gold!  Given my history of luckluster performances in the home improvemnet department, I’m guessing you’ve already placed your bets and are ready to cash in on  where this story is headed.

The past few weeks have been littered with Derby Car activities.  Designing the car, cutting the car, sanding the car, painting the car, assembling the car.  It’s been car car car, you can probably imagine my level of discomfort with all of these tasks.  I’m fine and comfortable in my own skin being an unhandy handyman, but now the stakes were raised significantly higher; this time a little boy’s hopes and dreams were riding on my ability to lead him down the right path in the construction of his car.  With each passing day Ty’s excite,Eng grew, he had his sights set high, he not only wanted a cool car, but he also wanted a winner.  Both of which I knew deep in my heart were unattainable with me steering the reigns.

But as a Dad, all I could do was put my best foot forward and give it my all.  So I relied on my education and college degree to give us a fighting chance.  You may be thinking that I’m referring to my engineering background, but I’m not; unfortunately, I was too late to register for the Derby Car 101 class in college. Instead, I’m talking about my Googlenomics degree from G.U. I learned about aerodynamic design, weight balance, etc. Google gave me a tool deck necessary to at least show up to the competition with a fighting chance.  Unfortunately Ty took that chance, crumbled it up, poured lighter fluid on it, fired up a match, and smiled as he lit our chance on fire and watched it go up in flames!  He did this by being relentlessly tethered to his design idea.  Irregardless of my lessons handed down to him by me, from Google themselves; he was unwavering in his design idea.  That idea: a Indy car/pickup truck hybrid.  WHAT??? Can you be any more aerodynamically challenged than that? I was crushed, I saw the little hope that we had snatched from me in the blink of an eye.

But hey, this was Ty’s thing, his competition, so if he wanted a Indy pickup hybrid, then so be it. I wasn’t about to be one of “Those Dads”, I refused.  He could have his way, even if it meant throwing the race away.  So we went to a woodshop and got his car cut out. I was a little disappointed because we didn’t get to do much.  They cutting was handled by the woodshop pros, all Ty got to do was sand the car.  In my limited (read: non-existent) derby car experience, I was under the impression that the only thing left for us to do was put the wheels on and paint it.  I couldn’t have been more wrong; cutting the car out is only a small part of Derby Car construction, apparently wheel assembly and weight designation is where the big bang comes from.  I Ty was given another lease on life, even with his dysfunctional design, we may have a chance to actually compete!

Ty Hard At Work

So once again, I pulled out my Googlenomics degree and got us some info on good techniques. Ty and I worked feverishly together to pull everything together.  It was actually really fun teaching him about polishing axles and lubricating wheels.  By the end of the night, we had a car that I thought would not only finish the race but even have a chance of beating a car or two.

The Final Product

The DREAMcrusher

Then race day came and all of that confidence came crashing down.  I took one look at the competition and knew we were in for trouble.  A second look at the extremely LONG track and trouble was an understatement.  At that point the best that I could hope for was for our car to make it all the way down the track.  I also ran into a few of “Those Dads” that I mentioned earlier.  It was quite sad, one Dad even scolded his son for requesting to hold HIS car.  After that, my outlook took a completely different view.  It didn’t matter if Ty’s car had all its wheels fall off, the fact that we built it together and he was in charge of the direction construction took was enough to make me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Some Of The Competition

More Competition

Well race time was upon us and we all waited patiently for Ty’s car to make its way to the track. Finally it was his turn and I prayed that his car made it to the finish line.  The look on the other kids faces when their cars didn’t finish was almost unbearable.  The whistle blew, the pins dropped and the cars were on their way.  Much to my surprise, Ty’s car was actually competing, keeping up with the other cars while going down the slop.  Then the cars hit the straight away and that’s when it happened.  That’s when I noticed Ty’s car take a commanding lead, decimating the competition by an entire second!!!  I couldn’t believe it, our car took freaking 1st place in the first race.  We were so excited! The 2nd and 3rd races yielded 2nd place results.  I was totally stunned, we were doing way better than I had anticipated.  Then the last race came and we pulled off another first place win.  This was unbelievable, our car did excellent and might even win a medal for 2nd place in our Den.  Ty was pumped and so was I as we quietly awaited the final results.

The results were in and Den #9 winners were being announced. Ty’s name wasn’t called for 3rd place, he looked disappointed.  I knew he had 2nd place on lock, so I wasn’t worried.  Ty’s name wasn’t called for 2nd place, now I looked disappointed; we had come so far and competed so hard to walk away empty handed.  That’s when 1st place was announced and Ty’s name was heard crystal clear.  It was amazing, we took first place in our Den, more than either of us imagined. But that wasn’t the end of it, the Pack (50 cars in total) were about to be announced.  Coming in 5th place, a 2 way tie, and one of those cars belonged to Ty. WHHHHAAAATTTT, we took 5th place, 5th freaking place? That means we get a trophy, a freaking trophy!!! Ty and I took his design from the little car who could and turned it into the little car that did!

WE WON!!!!!

1st-5th Place Pack Winners

Well Deserved Kiddo

I think I took the win more personal than Ty did, I may be the first person in history to “pop bottles” in celebration of a derby car victory.

The Small Things That Make Kids Happy

I looked out my window last night & the Christmas lights were still blaring bright, therefore, the extremely late holiday recap will continue. Today, I’ll give you guys a quick rundown of Tre’s birthday, but more importantly, discuss the difficulties and pitfalls associated with having a birthday that falls in between Christmas and New Year’s.
For some odd reason, this year, Tre was more excited about his birthday than he was about Christmas. I guess this year he truly understood that birthdays are special specifically for the birthday boy, while Christmas is shared by all.  And after stealing Ty’s shine on his birthday, why wouldn’t he be excited.  In the weeks leading up to his big day, we asked Tre what he wanted for his birthday

His response: “A CAKE”.

Ours: “Ummm, okay, what else do you want?”

His:  ”MY FRIENDS!”

Ours: “Duly noted, what about presents?

His: “BALLOONS!”

With his list of demands heard loud and clear, I chalked this us as a simple low cost birthday, no complaints here!

But then I got to thinking about it, perhaps Tre was asking for these types of things because he’s never had a real all out birthday bash type of party. Let me let you guys in on a little secret, having a birthday in between Christmas & New Year’s SUCKS! Each year we attempt to plan a nice party for Tre at a cool venue, but it inevitably falls thru.  People are just too busy with all the holiday hoopla to throw a birthday celebration into the mix as well.  So Tre ends up with a few friends over to the house and a small celebration.  We make sure that even though he’s being cheated on the festivities end, that his birthday is no less important than anyone else’s. He is always showered with tons of gifts, love, and attention from the moment he wakes up until the minute he goes to bed. But his requests had me wondering if that was enough, would he still feel special on his birthday without the big flashy party?

We were originally planning a Chuck E Cheese party, but as the number of available participants dwindled down to nearly zero, the plans changed to another year of celebrating at home.  The eagerness and anticipation he displayed in the days leading up to his birthday had me worried.  We only had two kids signed up to come over, yeah we had a cake, and yeah we had a TON of balloons, but would it be enough?  Would it be the party that his “almost” 4 year old heart desired?  After being awaken each and every morning and hearing “Daddy, now it’s only ‘X’ days until my birthday” for a week straight, my confidence in the answer being yes to the previous question shrunk exponentially.  The boy was clearly excited, I just hoped that we could provide him with whatever he had dreamed up in his little mind and had his hopes set on.

Well I was wrong, Tre loved his birthday! He would have been satisfied with just the few things he asked for.  When he woke up in the morning and came downstairs and saw balloons everywhere he light up like a light bulb.  He began jumping up and down, singing that it was his birthday and he got balloons!  The smile and excitement in his face was truly priceless.  I started to perk up, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.  When his friends arrived, he had so much spunk while welcoming them to his party that you would have thought he was a paid doorman.  Again, I perked up.  The kids played, not with the mountain of toys that were strategically placed throughout the house, but with the BALLOONS! Yes, the balloons that Tre so eagerly asked for was all that was needed to make his party a success.  Those three little boys played with those balloons for the entire duration of the party.  There were fights over the balloons, crying when a balloon was laid to rest (popped), and disagreements about how to play with the balloons.  I couldn’t believe it.

Yummm CAKE!!!

After playtime came cake time, we sung Happy Birthday, and Tre wasted no time blowing out his candles.  I’m almost positive that he didn’t make a wish, even if he claims otherwise.  He loved his Cars cake and now that he got everything that he asked for, his birthday was complete right?  Come on, who are we kidding?  As humble as this child was in his wish list for his birthday, there was no way that he was turning down gifts.  He eagerly opened his gifts, ripping the wrapping paper off with the skill of a well-seasoned vet; tossing clothes to the side, while examining toys with a curious eye. 

Too Much Cake Maybe?

Then he unwrapped his turtle, a turtle that oddly enough he had been asking for constantly, constantly until it came time to build a birthday wish list, strange I know.  He was ecstatic about the new turtle; unfortunately, the turtle didn’t share the same feeling, check the Twitvid below:

 Twitvid: “When being a pet owner goes wrong” http://www.twitvid.com/ALJ7R

After the party was over, we played and played and played.  We played so much that Tre didn’t want to leave the house.  He ended the night in typical Tre fashion: when it was time for bed, the tears began to flow and the dramatic super star that he is began to shine bright.  He threw his head into his hands and softly said “I can’t believe it”, confused, I asked “you can’t believe what buddy?”, he just responded again “I just can’t believe it Daddy, I just can’t”.  It took Fefe and her motherly ways to get him to open up and explain what exactly it was that he couldn’t believe.  It turns out that he couldn’t believe his birthday was over, he wanted it to last forever. Lol.

Well that let me know that he truly enjoyed his special day and it didn’t take a sweet 16 style party to make him happy.  I learned to listen to my kids and not to put my thoughts onto their requests from now on.  If the boy wants balloons, then dammit, I’ll give him balloons!

#11 When The Wind Blows

When the wind blows, we move with it

Have you heard the news??? If you follow my Twitter or Facebook, then no doubt, you probably have.  If not, then start following, so that you aren’t the last to the party next time.  Okay, time to fill you in: We’re moving!!!!!!  No, not the Daddy’s Fish Bowl site, but our actual residence.  Our family is packing up and high tailing it from the great state of North Carolina all the way across the country to the Twin Cities in Minnesota.  Well I guess that isn’t all away across the country (I was never good in geography), but hey you get the point.

#10 One Man, One Saw, One Tree 

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

#9 The Boy In The Plastic Bubble 

Never A Good Sign

Last weekend I’m sure many of you saw my frantic tweets about Tre being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and being admitted into the ICU. You would think that seeing your child whisked away strapped to a gurney in an ambulance would be enough to frighten any parent, surprisingly however, I wasn’t shaken at all by the situation. If anything, I was a bit angry because I felt that the doctors and nurses were going extremely overboard. Well it turns out that Tre is quite a bit more fragile than I had ever anticipated and although he made it thru his hospital “bid” and got paroled early for good behavior, he clearly wasn’t put of the woods yet. Apparently the hospital stint was only the first hurdle for us to overcome in a long race against allergies and asthma.

#8 The Cheating Husband

Til Death Do Us Part...Maybe Not

Have you ever been accused of something that you know deep down in your heart, you didn’t do?  Have you tried to explain your side of the story, offering explanations, justifications, and just down right sound logic to no avail?  Only to have your accuser look at you with a condemning look that can make the most innocent man feel guilty.  If you have experienced these things, then you know exactly what I went through last night.  It was a horrible experience; it is over now, although the look on her face was one of distrust after our dialog was finished.  I don’t know where we stand after this, but one thing is for sure: I love my wife and would never break our sacred vows by cheating on her.

#7 The Sexist Toddler: Male Elitism At A Young Age

Boy Dog, Girl Dog, Who Cares Right?

I’m just going to be blunt here; Tre is a toddler sexist. I have to call it how I see it, even if that means bashing my own flesh n blood. The sad part is, I blame myself. Well not really, but whenever something goes wrong with a child, everybody rushes to blame the parents, so I figured I’d beat you guys to it. Apparently he’s been this way his entire life and I’m just now realizing it. Maybe deep down I’ve always known the truth, but did my best to suppress it in hopes that it would go away. However, lately, it has become undeniable; his blatant sexism and total disregard for the opposite sex is now too much to ignore. You may be wondering how is it possible that a toddler, a child so pure, so innocent could be labeled something as harsh as a sexist. Well it’s really pretty simple; he feels that the male persuasion is superior in every way, shape, and form (his words, not mine). How do I know this you say? I know this because Tre refuses to utilize feminine pronouns to address individuals belonging to the female gender. To Tre, everything is he, his, or him, regardless of the sex of the person he’s referring to. I don’t know about you, but to me that seems pretty sexist.

#6 Planes, Trains, & Automobiles 

All Packed & Ready To Go

Fefe & Tre come back to Minneapolis tonight, FOR GOOD this time and I thought it was only fitting to share with you the story of Tre’s first plane ride, train ride, and (Minnesota)car ride; which took place a little over a month ago when we made the trip to Minneapolis for the first time (and what we thought was the last time).  It was actually his second plane ride, but seeing as how he was only a few months old for the first one, I think this trip qualifies as his (un)official first trip on an airplane.

As with everything that Tre is involved in, associated with, or a part of, his plane ride was full of spectacle, laughter, drama, and pretty much plain ole pure entertainment.  So sit back, kick your feet up and get prepared to enjoy the Tre Variety Hour (or 15 mins in this case).

#5 Hoarders: The Toddler Edition

A Hoarder & His Stuff (Can You Find Him?)

For most people, breaking up is hard to do.  Whether it’s breaking up with a lover, a close friend, or a trusted colleague, it is never an easy task.  But what about breaking up with personal belongings?  Is that just as difficult as breaking up with a person?  If you ask Tre, his answer will most certainly be YES!  This past weekend, in preparation for our big move, we attacked out attic, as evidenced in the above photo.  During this 2-3 hour marathon cleaning session, we found old toys, old clothes, old pictures, pretty much just all things old!  But for one member of our family, old meant new and this daunting task turned out to be a 1940’s gold rush for him

#4 You Win Some, You Lose Some

Win, Lose, Or Draw?

From the look of the picture above, I guess it’s pretty safe to say that Ty lost this one. I really wish that I could tell you guys that this was an epic battle for the ages, complete with a training montage, Rocky Balboa style; but alas, I can’t. This thing was over before it even got started, I’m talking split second, one hitter quitter, wam bam thank you Ma’am. Looking at that picture, all I can think is, why my boy? What could I have done differently to protect him? The answer to those questions is staring me right in the face; I should have stopped this along time ago.

#3 Imitation Of Life 

Notice Anything Different?

Typically, I open these posts by beating around the bush, starting out with rudimentary questions and examples, ending on a cliffhanger and letting the situation unfold as the post goes on. Well I’m not going to do that today, I’m just gonna get straight to the point. That point is: Tre got his ear pierced this weekend. Yeah it looks cute, yeah he really loves it, and yeah he took the procedure like a champ. But none of that really matters. The only thing that matters in this story is the ‘why’ he got his ear pierced. The reason why he got it pierced can strictly be attributed to the imitation of life.

#2 Stay At Home Mom vs. The Working Dad

and the WINNER is....

Okay DFB family, time for a serious topic here at the bowl. As I write this, I have my vodka & cranberry sitting next to the computer; attempting to recover from the events that just took place in my household. Timeout, I know you may be thinking how dare he bring up a serious topic while under the influence? My response: some of the greatest ideas known to man were created while in a bar & written on a cocktail napkin! I’ve even included a reference. (editor’s note: the events actually took place 2 nights ago.  I guess there was more vodka than cranberry in that drink and I didn’t get a chance to finish the post).

And now for the NUMBER 1 post of 2011….

#1 As Evil As They Come

Apparently, Evilness & Fashion Sense Don't Go Hand In Hand

Have you ever met someone who was just down right mean? When I say mean, I’m talking about borderline evil! I have met such a person, I have looked them in their eyes and lowered my head in shame due to their behavior. It isn’t easy to stare down the face of evil and walk away unscathed, but somebody has to do it, someone has to stand up for the little people, and yesterday, that someone was Ty.

Honorable Mentions:

Coming Home With A Bang

The Naughty List (Part 2)

December is here and boy did it come around quick this year. As most of you may know, December is my month of the year; although, that may change now that I’m back in a cold climate area. But Christmas is in December and it’s my favorite holiday, there for December wins “Month Of The Year Award” time and time again. We usually kick off our holiday rituals by going to pick out our Christmas tree together, this year we were able to do something a little different. Instead of going to just pick out our tree, we actually picked it out and cut it down ourselves. What an adventure that was; luckily we all survived and no one injured any vital organs and came back with all limbs intact.

I’ve had a real Christmas tree every year since I was a young child, and it’s something that I want to continue with my family. Since we’ve always had a real tree, naturally, I always that it would be cool for my Dad and I to cut it down together. Unfortunately, that never happened. I grew older and tucked that little dream nugget away safely in my memory banks. This year however, the memory somehow battled its way through the confines of my mind and escaped. This year I had an idea, and that idea was to cut down a tree with my boys. A plan was set in motion and it was implemented this past weekend.

Since I’ve wanted to do this ever since I was a kid, you can only imagine the ideas and visions floating around my head about how it would be, the fun we would have, and how rewarding the process would feel. Well, let me clue you in on a few things: this CHORE was nothing like I had expected it to be, fun is probably the adverb that most closely describes exactly what we did not have, and instead of feeling rewarded, I felt cheated.

I must have sensationalized the hell out of what goes in to cutting down a Christmas tree and I think the boys practiced the same exact exercise. I imagined heading deep into the woods, axe in hand, and scouting for the perfect tree. After locating our prize, a few swift swings of the axe and I’d be yelling TIMBER, kids would be jumping with joy and we’d be on our merry way, singing Christmas carols all the way home. I’m assuming you already know that this hallmark moment didn’t happen for our family.

By the time we got to the tree farm, it was already getting dark; that meant we had to work fast. There was no time to be nitpicky about a tree, we had just drove 45 mins and were not coming home empty handed. Once we found a tree that was semi suitable, it was time to start cutting. Remember that axe I had in my depiction of how this event would go? Well, yeah, in the real world, it didn’t exist! Instead I had a puny, but effective bow saw. Not quite as cool as swinging an axe right? Oh well, it’ll still do the job, so now it’s time to cut, only problem is I can’t even find the trunk of the tree. How am I supposed to cut a tree down if I can’t even find the freaking trunk? There were branches all around the bottom of the tree and the fact that it was dark now wasn’t helping either. So I had to lay down on my back while Ty pulled branches back and Fefe used her cell phone to give me some light. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, it was a whopping 10 degrees outside that night, so laying on the frozen ground was oh so much fun!

After what seemed like an eternity of cutting, I got tired. I was cold, the kids were cold, Tre had snot running down his nose. I had had enough; it was time to kick this thing into overdrive! I stood up, got a running start and Bobby Boucher’d the tree while yelling TIMBER! The kids got a kick out of it, I saved myself another 5-10 mins of sawing and we were steps closer to getting warm again; all was right in the world again. That is until we came to the realization that yes we found a tree, yes we had success (somewhat) in cutting it down, but how in the hell are we supposed to get it back to the main office so that we could tie it down? That’s when it hit me; we forgot to grab rope before heading into the woods. So what do we do now? Well the most logical thing of course: we threw the tree on top of the car, Fefe drove while I stood on the side of the car hanging in between the body and the door all while holding onto the tree. I gotta tell ya, this was no easy task, we were deep in the woods driving down bumpy dirt roads, and there were more than a few close calls. Luckily we made it back without me falling off the car and killing myself. When we arrived, the lumberjacks simply smiled and said: “well that’s the first time we’ve seen something like that”

Well, here we after, still standing after a brutal (brutal meaning mild) snowstorm (snowstorm meaning snowfall). We survived, we made it thru and embraced the snow as if it were a long lost family member that we’ve only seen photos and videos of. When I say we, I should say they, Fefe and the kids. I’m no stranger to the snow and cold, growing up in Buffalo and all, but these guys are born and raised North Carolinians, so making it through the first snow fall deserves a round of applause. Even though we made it through, it wasn’t without a few casualties; so we’ll learn from our mistakes and continue on next time with a higher resolve.

This is in fact the third time that we’ve expected snow this year, the previous two led to disappointment in the kids eyes and relief in Fefe and mine. Earlier in the week when we saw snow in the forecast, we let the boys know of the impending weather conditions and Ty promptly responded with: “well we’ll see about that, it’s probably just not gonna happen again”. I felt bad for him, this kid has been looking for snow since early September (which I hear isn’t too far off base for this part of the country) and it was mid November and he was still coming up empty handed. When Saturday finally got here, I think that I was probably looking out the window up at the sky just as much as Ty was, sad I know.

Midway through the day, the snow actually started falling and before any even hit the ground Ty was already asking if the pond in our backyard was frozen. Um, not yet buddy, it’s gonna be a while. By the time that there was a light dusting on the ground, both boys were asking if they could put on their snow pants and boots so they can go out and play: hold your horses cowboys, give it time young grasshopper. The snow was falling at a pretty steady pace, so within an hour it was time to let it rip.

In preparation for the snow festivities, I went out and purchased shovels and sleds and all that good stuff that we never ever dreamed of needing in North Carolina. So once it was time, I was all set to go; and go we did. We ran outside, picked up snow, threw it at each other, sled down hills, shoveled snow into huge piles and jumped in them. We were madmen who had just been set free. And then, just like that, we lost one; Tre was gone, down for the count. He said that it was cold out here and he was going back in the house. He lasted for 15 minutes. Ty was a trooper though, he bested Tre’s time by an additional 5 whole minutes. But boy oh boy did those 5 minutes cost him. By the time Ty went in the house, he was in tears because his hands where so cold. 20 minutes in the snow and the kid is crying? Yup, it’s going to be a long winter folks.

So far, you’ve heard about the boys first experience with Minnesota snow, but what about Fefe? Did she curl up in a ball and close her eyes hoping it would all be over when she opened them? Did she huddle in a corner with blankets, hot cocoa, and space heaters? It’s what you’d expect right? Well she did none of the above! To welcome her first winter, this crazy woman went out and embarked on a 60 minute horseback ride through the storm. We had scheduled this date a while back and I just knew for sure we were gonna be out of some cash as soon as I saw snow in the forecast. No way was she going to leave the house in this weather, let alone perform an activity in it. But she shocked me, Fefe said the show must go on, and go on it did. I was impressed, she didn’t complain, didn’t cry, and actually had a great time.

My First Time On A Horse. Fefe

In case you weren’t keeping score, we have: Tre with 15 minutes in the snow, Ty with 20 minutes in the snow (but points deducted for crying), and Fefe with 60 minutes in the snow. Last week, if you would have told me that Fefe would have been the one to spend the most time in the snow during our first storm, I would have called you a crazy person. But here we stand, snowstorm behind us, and the person that wanted the snow the least actually handled it the best. Ty and Tre, you guys could learn a lot from this woman!

Oh, as for that casualty that I spoke of earlier? Fefe did spend the entire next day sick in bed. I guess you can say she won the battle, but lost the war.

Now This Is Real WRASSSLLLIIINNN

Yesterday was Ty’s first day of wrestling practice and it totally hilarious. The off field antics were more entertaining than what was happening on the field. Wait a minute,  is it called a field in wrestling? I think “mat” is the proper term. Well anyway, Ty got some time in on the mat and I don’t think it was at all what he was expecting.  He thought he was going to be walking out of there feeling like John Cena, but in actuality he more closely resembled Jane Fonda when it was all said and done.

The comedy of wrasslegate 2011 began last week when we informed Ty that he would be starting wrestling soon.  He enthusiastically welcomed the opportunity and made sure we knew exactly how excited he was. Then he paused for a moment; eyes toward the sky, head slightly cocked to the side as if he was in deep thought.  The silence was broken by a very thought provoking question, Ty asked, “they’re gonna give us protection right?” I was shocked and amazed that he would be so forward thinking, impressed by his apparent concern with safety.  I took time out to pat myself on the back, proud in the fact that I was raising such a responsible young child.  So we told Ty that they would definitely provide the kids with protection. He responds: “good, cause I really don’t want to get hurt when I jump off of the top ropes”

Smh, guess I jumped the gun a bit on that pat on the back.  After his comment, all I could think about was South Park and their wrestling spoof episode, enjoy.

A Sample Of Ty's Many Build & Grow Projects

I typically don’t get too excited about specific companies or products, unless it’s Apple, or PS3, or Right Guard deodorant. Okay, so maybe I do get obsessed excited about a few things here or there, but today’s company/product is different, it’s different because it’s totally awesome! Hmmmm, maybe I’ve said that before as well, um, okay, let’s just go with this one: it’s different because I said so! Too strong? Ah, I got it, it’s different because it’s totally FREE!!! Whew, now that that’s out of the way, now I can focus on more important things like explaining why the Lowe’s Build And Grow clinic is so awesome.
Lowe’s knows (I like the ring of that, time to get their PR person on the phone) that Dads love to build stuff and that MOST Dads also love spending time with their kids, so to make things easy for us fathers, they married the two together and sprinkled a little spice on it. Biweekly, Lowe’s sponsors a build and grow clinic where children ages 6-12 (I’ve seen kids outside this range on both the lower and upper limits) get a chance to construct a wooden project absolutely free.  But there’s nothing truly special about that, I’ve got a gang of home projects that I could work on with the kids, so what makes what Lowe’s does stand out?  The fact that they cater the projects to the kids, not only are the items fairly simple to build, but they also make it fun by supplying easy to follow blue prints, , safety goggles, and a worker’s apron.  After completion, the children are rewarded with a certificate of merit and a themed patch that can be affixed to their apron.  In my opinion, it’s the quadruple threat:

• Kids build something that they can play with
• They gain valuable confidence and basic construction skills
• They are rewarded for their efforts and given a medium to display their accomplishments
• They get to spend valuable time with their Dads

Ty's First Creation

Aliens Are Amongst Us

Ty and I have been participating in these clinics for quite some time now, and he thoroughly enjoys it.  He loves collecting new patches and displaying his work in his room and I love completing the work with him and seeing his craftsmanship improve.  Seeing as how I recently proclaimed myself to be the world’s least handiest handy man, I may not be the most qualified to assist on these projects.  But that’s another area were Lowe’s shines, these projects are so simple that even a caveman can do them.  That means, I come out looking like Bob Vila to my boy when it’s all said and done.

Tre's First Project

This past weekend, Tre tagged along for the first time and completed his first project.  I was a little worried because he’s pretty young, but he did a great job as well and had a ball constructing his Science Lab kit.  If you take away the hammered thumbs, I had a ball too!  While I was busy getting blugend to death helping Tre, Ty was busy constructing his kit with very minimal help from me.  He was proud to have finished building the Science Lab all by himself, and I was proud that my fearless instruction over the past year had led him to that point.  See, with Lowe’s Build & Grow Clinics, everybody wins.

The Dynamic Duo

If you’re interested in participating in this activity with your child, just head on over to the Lowe’s website and sign up.  This week they are sponsoring a Santa Sled, so it’s the perfect way to kick off the holiday season.

*Lowe’s did not pay me in any way, shape, or form for this totally incredible endorsement. ..even though they probably should have* (joking)

Addicted To Apples

Don’t eat them because they are tainted, tainted with some sick mind altering gadget love potion. That has to be the case, because I am totally addicted to Apple products; yup I’m a fanboy and I’m proud to admit it. It’s logical for me to be a fanboy, I’m a gadget guy; hell, my friends even nicknamed me Jetson (because I was so futuristic), but my family on the other hand is a bit less explainable. Apparently, the APPLE doesn’t fall far from the tree (pun SOOOO intended), because not only do my kids love trying to sneak and play on my iPhone, but they also have their own now. It’s crazy, I know; I’m not one to speak ill of those who have passed on, but I honestly thing Steve Jobs was engineering a little more than electronics. I think he was holding the key to biological warfare right within the walls of his headquarters in Cupertino, each new device releases a special pheromone that entices consumers to buy it. That’s not too farfetched is it? How else to you explain my family’s addiction to Apple products?

I’ve had an iPhone for the past 4years now, since their inception, and in my opinion, they just keep getting better. Originally, it was my thing, I was the iPhone guy and Fefe didn’t care what type of phone she had. Then suddenly, things changed. Around my 3rd upgrade, Fefe says: “hey, maybe um, maybe I could have your old iPhone when you get the new one.” I was a bit shocked, because up until that point technology didn’t excite this woman at all. I was pretty thrilled to have an iPhone buddy in the house with me, so I agreed and we went on our happy merry ways.

I’m really strict with my gadgets, so the kids are pretty much forbidden to touch them, but Fefe being less gadgetly anal retentive (whoa, that doesn’t sound too good), allowed the boys to play games and enjoy the benefits of an iPhone. Over the course of a few days, they became addicted. Fefe, noticing her continually diminishing iPhone one on one time, suggested that we give Ty an iPhone for Christmas. WHAT? Give him an iPhone? That was crazy talk woman! She quickly reminded me that I still owned my original iPhone and that even in its beaten (but still functional) state; it would be a perfect gift for Ty. Oh was she right, she couldn’t have been more righter (is that a word?) Ty played with that thing until the battery died, he’d then charge it and go right back at it. But let’s not forget about Tre, he wanted in on the action as well and this led to many squabbles in our household. Ty loved his iPhone, but unfortunately, he didn’t cherish it!

The kid was just plain sloppy with the device, he would misplace it at least twice a week in the house somewhere. Magically, it would always turn up and he would resume his routine activities. One time, while I was in Minnesota and the family was still in Raleigh, I got a phone call from a lady in a grocery store parking lot. She informed me that she had found my son’s phone and wanted to return it. I was totally confused, because in my eyes Ty’s iPhone was more of a gaming device than a phone. After the confusion wore off I thanked her and gave her instructions on how to get in touch with Fefe. We got the phone back, but we both were furious that Ty would be so careless, what made matters worse was the fact that he acted as if he didn’t care that his most prized possession was missing. To teach him the value of his items, we decided to find a new adoptive home for the iPhone, that home was in the loving arms of Tre.

This was only temporary, to show Ty what he would be missing out on if he lost his phone again, but Tre didn’t seem to see it that way. After the week long punishment was over, Tre was forced to give the iPhone back to Ty and you would have thought we took his first born child from him. After witnessing his attachment to the device, we knew what needed to happen. Next upgrade, just push the phones down the line. So not only was I eagerly awaiting the release of the iPhone 5, my entire family was; a new iPhone for me, meant a new iPhone for everyone.

During the many months of waiting, Ty got even more careless with his iPhone: losing it in the ball pit (why he had it, I don’t know), dropping it down stairs, leaving it at friends houses, the list goes on. I guess in hindsight I can’t be too upset with him, especially when you consider that Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree line from earlier. If we look at Fefe’s track record, we can understand Ty’s propensity for lousy phone care. Fefe has left her phone in the movie theater, got it run over by MY car, lost it while leaving the bar, dropped in from 2 stories high, so yeah, I guess Ty can’t be held totally accountable. But in an effort to break the genetic clumsiness chains, we told Ty that if he didn’t take care of his phone, when it came time to upgrade, Tre would be the one getting Fefe’s phone instead of him.

Unfortunately, as you can see from the video below, Ty did not take care of his phone. He rendered it completely useless. So now here we sit, iPhone 4s finally in my hands and Tre is now the recipient of a new phone instead of Ty. He looked extremely upset when the transition from Fefe to Tre was taking place. We told him it would happen, but I guess he felt it wouldn’t actually come true. It may seem harsh that he’s being bypassed in the iPhone chain, but hopefully this will teach him to value his possessions. A few months down the road when the iPhone 5 comes out, we’ll find out if he’s been rehabilitated or not.

I totally understand this kid's pain

This past weekend was filled with a range of emotions, including but not limited to, happiness, joy, pain, agony, despair, anger, excitement, and relief. I guess I didn’t leave much room for the “not limited to” portion of my opening statement. Ah well, sue me if you have a problem with it, lol. So this past weekend I set out to enhance my man cave by finally setting up my projector. This entailed mounting the projector on the ceiling, mounting the screen on the ceiling, and adjusting the appropriate settings. While setting up the projector certainly contributed to some of the emotions described above, it definitely was not the major factor in the nearly detrimental series of events that took place over the past few days. The projector was actually small fries when compared to the issue that I faced, but the projector was ground zero and ultimately put the wheels in motion for what turned out to quite possibly be one of the DUMBEST mistakes that I’ve ever made in my life.So let’s just go ahead and get this out of the way so we’re clear from the beginning: I’m not the handiest of handymen by any means. If you were to create a metric and track the handy factor of anyone who’s ever held a hammer, I’d probably rank in the lower 10 percentile; and yes, that’s including women and children. Bad I know, right? Irregardless of my handy ability (or lack thereof), it was not the cause of my problem. Neither was the fact that it took me and my buddy nearly 2 days to mount the projector and screen. The fact that I was covered in a light dusting of drywall each day didn’t take the prize either. One would think that putting 30 holes in my ceiling (extreme exaggeration here) would be enough to evoke some of the less desirable emotions listed above; but alas, that’s not it either. Nope, none of these projector related issues were big enough to nearly cause a collapse of my entire existence. Nope, it was what we did after our projector work that really screwed things up.

After day one, we got the projector screen secured to the ceiling and functioning properly. Feeling quite proud of our accomplishment, it was only right to break out a few drinks to celebrate. Mind you, we still had to mount the projector, so maybe our celebration was a bit pre-mature. Mid celebration, I had a light bulb go off; I remembered that I also needed my buddy to help me with fishing a cable through the wall for my TV. I figured I would take advantage of his presence and get the job done since it should be fairly simple. I know what you’re thinking, these guys have been drinking and they’re about to dismount a TV? I know stupid right? Fortunately, that stupid activity didn’t result in any issues; we didn’t drop the TV. We actually pull off the procedure without a hitch, took the TV down, fished the cable through the wall, and put the TV back up without one problem. It wasn’t until afterwards that our little celebration really came into play and truly affected my better judgment for the worse. What judgment call could be worse than moving a TV after drinking you may ask? Well you’re about to find out.

Soon after sitting down and reflecting on such a job well done, I noticed that the TV was riddled with fingerprints from our recent exploits. Clearly this wasn’t a show stopper, clearing the fingerprints away could have waited until the morning; but nope, Mr. Perfectionist wanted the job done right. So my friend who shall remain nameless (screw that it was CARL) says “man, you need to Windex that TV”, me in my semi inebriated state, quickly agreed. OMG, I AGREED TO WINDEX MY FREAKING LED TV, smh. A sober me would have known better, I clearly remember back to the day that I got my first HDTV 5 years ago, in big bold letters it said “do not clean with any chemicals, use microfiber only”. Needless to say, we weren’t dealing with a sober Keith this past Saturday night.

So I ask Fefe if she would clean the TV since I had spent all day doing “real man work” and was pretty tired. She politely agreed and then went to work. I swear she was like a glass cleaning super soldier, she sprayed so much Windex on the TV that I could have sworn it had just got done skinny dipping. She sprayed so much that at one point, I thought I saw her press a button to release the empty bottle reserve, pull a replacement out of her pocket and quickly insert it into the nozzle as if it were a machine gun clip. Once she finished and we were both satisfied with how fingerprint free the TV was, we all set in to enjoy a movie. That’s when it happened, this is when those emotions came spewing out; a colorful rainbow of vertical lines began to develop on my TV and at that very moment a realized what I had done. I had just ruined my $3000 TV; yup, bet you a new TV that the sober Keith was most certainly back now.

Luckily, because I’m such an ultra cool guy, the stars aligned in my favor and through a series of mega miracles I was able to get a new TV the next day. It really is quite amazing how it all played out. Best Buy’s return policy is 30 days for non user generated defects. Seeing as how I bought the TV in the beginning of September and this was clearly a user created issue, I just knew I was SOL. Then I saw a little statement that literally saved my sanity: “return period for Silver Premiere members 45 days” I grabbed the nearest calendar and started counting days as quickly as I could; this completely stupid brain fart occurred on the 44th day after purchasing the TV, so the next morning was my last opportunity to attempt a return. What are the freaking odds? How crazy is it that not only does Best Buy have this added bonus for premiere members, I actually happen to turn out to be one of those member, AND this happens on the last day possible to return the TV? I’m still in disbelief!

Now here comes the happiness, relief, and joy emotions; somehow, by the grace of God, I was able to get Best Buy to agree to swap out the TV for a new one. It took some finagling, but gosh darn it, we goterrdone!!!