If you missed part 1, read it here.

Ty’s first day of kindergarten was filled with highs and lows (the lows can all be attributed to Fefe). There was excitement as well as sadness and a little bit of anger mixed in too.  Most kindergarten first days run pretty smoothly, ours resulted in us getting kicked out of the school. Read on to hear all about it.

As you can tell from the vid, Ty was pumped & ready to go bright and early in the morning.  His comment about not wanting to be small in school actually struck a nerve with me and I’ll be addressing it in a later blog post.  What you couldn’t see from the video however is the excitement of the other members of our family.  Fefe got up super early, willingly I might add, and cooked a big breakfast for the whole family to send Ty off for his big day with plenty of nutrients.  Little does she know, she has now painted herself in a corner because I’ve been begging for breakfast before work for months now and she’s always “too tired” to wake up early enough to do it.  Well well well missy, if you can do it for Ty, then you can do it for me!!!

Continuing on, after breakfast the entire team got ready for the required photo op:

Let's Go Already

I Can Already See Tears

During the picture taking, Tre must have felt a tad bit left out & ran upstairs to get a book bag for himself.  Even though he wasn’t going to school, he was ready for the cameras and looking the part of a school boy nonetheless. 

Tre's All Set To Go

When it comes to event planning, Fefe should be avoided at all costs!  She was in charge and running point for the big day and had two MAJOR snafu’s.  First up, I don’t know if she was just eager to get rid of the boy or her excitement took over her better judgment; whatever the case, her timing for drop off was all screwed up.  She was well aware of the fact that the first bell rang at 8:45am, but for some unknown reason, she got us there at 8:20.  Okay, 25mins isn’t all that bad.  Yeah, it’s not that bad until you end up getting kicked out of the school.  What type of message does that send to Ty?  Kicked out on his first day? He’s destined to fail with a start like that! 

It wasn’t so bad, we were simply asked to wait outside until the bell rang because students aren’t actually allowed inside until first bell.  I thought that this “suggestion” was just a little too well timed however, because it came immediately after Tre threw a fit regarding going to pee in the potty.  Never mind the fact that he had already peed twice in a matter of 5 mins, he wanted to go again and made sure the entire school knew it.

Once our reprimand had been lifted, we entered the school and took Ty to his classroom.  After a quick paperwork check in, we were all giving hugs and saying our goodbyes.  Once Ty was completely covered with slobbery kisses, we sent him off to enjoy his first day; the kid didn’t bat an eye as he left us to walk into his class.  Everyone was prepared to let Ty take his first steps towards being a big kid; well everyone except Tre.   

The Kindergarten Mugshot

Fefe's Face Intentionally Cut Off; Too Many Tears

Tre began to express his desire to accompany Ty as he walked away heading towards his class.  We explained that Ty had to go to school to do work and Tre gets to go home and play with Mommy.  He didn’t care and fired back “Daddy, I got book bag, I go to school too”.  The little guy said it with such conviction that for a split second I actually was under the impression that a book bag was the only prerequisite for attending Kindergarten.  Luckily, Fefe was front and center to pick up the slack and enticed him with the promise of a popsicle at home.  He agreed to the terms and we were off.

Remember those snafus that I told you about?  Well the second one occurred when it was time to pick Ty up from the bus stop.  Fefe had the “bright” idea to walk to the bus stop to pick him up.  It’ll be nice she said, we can hear all about his day on the walk home she said.  Yeah, it would have been really nice IF IT WASN’T 97 DEGREES out!  After walking in blistering heat, and subsequently standing in the sun for 15 mins because the bus was late, Ty finally arrived & we were all pumped to hear about his day.  Unfortunately, it didn’t play out that way.  All Ty was concerned about was getting out of the heat and vowed not to say a word until we met his demands of air conditioning and ice cold water (we’re gonna have to work on his negotiating skills).

Once we got back home, Ty explained his day to us and it went something like this:

Me: So how was school?

Ty: It was GREAT!

Fefe: What did you do?

Ty: We did a bunch of stuff!

Fefe: Like what?

Ty:  Like, um, like, well a bunch of stuff

This banter carried on for a bit longer, eventually we were able to squeeze out that they watched 4 episodes of Clifford the Big Red Dog until the bell rang, went to the playground, he made 2 friends, they ate lunch, he colored some pictures but couldn’t bring them home, he can’t wear his Silly Bandz (thank God), the bus ride home was long, they read a book, and learned a new song.

Yup, that was pretty much his day in a nutshell, well actually it wasn’t in a nutshell for us because these little bits of information just kept spewing out periodically throughout the day.  There was no rhyme, reason, or cohesion to his story, but it was his story and he was proud of it!

Take No Prisoners Attitude?

Today is the first day of school for Ty, he’s been waiting for this day to come for quite some time now, it’s so funny seeing how eager he is to go to school because you & I both know how naive he’s being.  A few years from now, he’ll replace his enthusiasm for going to school with intense efforts to come up with top notch excuse to stay home one extra day. The first day of school was always exciting, I loved it. The new clothes, seeing old friends & making new ones, it was great.  Unfortunately, great didn’t last very long.  The first day of school was the second best day of the school year, only losing out to the last day of school!  But for me, that first day euphoria always quickly wore off. I wonder how long it will last for Ty.

I can vividly remember my first day of kindergarten and I honestly don’t recall my Dad being there. He probably had to work or something, but it still resonates in my memory banks that only my Mom was present on such an important day in my life. I’m ensuring that Ty doesn’t have that same memory; I’ll be there front & center this morning walking right by his side as he travels a path which will undoubtedly become the bane of his existence for the next 13 years! When he grows up, he won’t only remember his mom sobbing because her little boy is growing up, as I do. He’ll have another facet to that treasured memory, he’ll remember his Dad there smiling ever so proud, cheering him on. Saying “go on son, today you take baby steps towards becoming a man!” What he won’t know is that his Dad has ulterior motives. That his Dad is smiling because this is the first day on a long journey, a journey that 13yrs from now results in the boy leaving, going out on his own & me getting my house back!

So I totally meant to post this yesterday before leaving to take Ty to school, but through all the excitement, I forgot.  So to make it up to you, I’m giving you part 1 & 2 in the same day, how’s that for a bargain! Click here to read part 2 which recaps the trials and tribulations of Ty’s first day of school.

Yesterday was a day filled with many different emotions for me.  Who knew one simple event could create such a range of feelings in one individual.  Throughout the workday, anticipation built up to an all time high.  After work, knowing that this outing was growing ever closer, eagerness began to creep in.  During the short drive to our destination, eagerness turned to excitement; once we arrived I was in total bliss giddy as a school girl.  Shortly after however, things went really bad, really quick.  I’m talking stage diving and no one catches you bad.  It didn’t take long for me to realize that I had made a huge mistake.

When I read that previous paragraph, I thought to myself, “wow, was I about to pick up my Powerball winnings or possibly on the way to meet my favorite celebrity?” Then I snapped back and remembered exactly what event caused such a myriad of emotions and I hung my head slightly lower in shame.  In shame because a simple trip to the Drive-In theater should not be able to induce an entire rainbow of feelings in a grown man.  But you know what, I’m lifting my head up because I’m proud that the nostalgia of the Drive-In Theater hasn’t abandoned me.  It holds a special place in my heart, rooted in childhood and yesterday I was prepared to share that with my family for the first time.

Both of the boys were excited about our forthcoming adventure yesterday, although neither of them fully understood the magnitude of journey that we were about to embark on.  Tre was just excited to be leaving the house in his pajamas.  To him I believe the world as he knew it ceased to exist for a moment.  The excitement in his face when he finally realized that he was putting his pajamas on not to go to bed, but in fact to actually “go bye-bye” was priceless.  Ty on the other hand just could not grasp the concept of going to the movies, but staying in the car.  His expressions were those of someone utterly confused while being wildly excited at the same time.  Again, priceless.  These priceless moments all fed into my excitement that YES this is happening; my family is going to the drive in, as I had done so many times as a child.

Once we arrived, we lucked up and found a spot in the front row, dead center.  It was as if the stars were all aligned and the hands of fate were on our payroll.  Things were definitely different than the Drive-In back home, but hey it was still a Drive-In so no worries.  No worries, until we were told that since this was a “car optional” Drive-In and people mainly come to sit on the lawn and listen to the movie through the portable speakers next to the screen that we couldn’t have the car turned on.  No ignition means no AC and no AC in hot, humid, muggy weather means decreased excitement, increased attitude.  Nonetheless, we carried on and tried to enjoy the movie.

Then another unanticipated issue came up.  Tre’s bedtime is typically 7:30-8pm, the movie didn’t start until around 8:15.  Do you see where this is going?  When Tre is sleepy, Tre chooses one of three personas to assume: silly, cranky, or restless.  Well last night, for some odd reason, perhaps to mock me, he decided to pick all three.  He was constantly getting into things, constantly getting in trouble and constantly getting put into time out.  Don’t ask me how it’s possible to put a toddler in time out while trapped inside a 4 person car; just know that it can be done.  There were two main incidents that made me conclude, the Drive-In just isn’t for us.  Well at least not for the remainder of this summer. 

Incident #1: Tre decides that he is royalty and his fans need to see him, he needed to be one with the people.  So he decides to climb on my shoulder and stick his head out of the sunroof.  We thought it was cute, snapping pictures and laughing, until he decided to address his unsuspecting “followers”.  He started talking to people who were trying to enjoy the movie.  One person walking towards the concession stand was promptly told to go sit down by Tre, ruler of all that is to be ruled.  I swear the guy paused for a minute and actually considered returning to his blanket.  After a few brief conversations, we pulled him back into the car and you would have thought we were torturing this kid the way he cried and screamed to get back to the sunroof.

Incident #2:  After coming out of time out for the umpteenth time, I decided to let Tre sit up in the front with me to get a better view of the screen and hopefully hold his attention so that he wouldn’t continue to create mayhem.  What in the world was I thinking?  I’ve made some pretty dumb decisions throughout my lifetime, and I’m pretty sure that this one falls somewhere in the top 5.  As soon as he gets in the front, the kid instantly turns into Mario Andretti and acts as if he had mysteriously been teleported directly into the last lap of the Indy 500.  That’s when it happened, in one fell swoop, the boy put my car’s horn in a death grip.  I mean he really laid into that thing, I’m talking just got cut off on the highway, had to slam on your breaks, spilled your coffee on a white shirt while heading to an interview horn blow.  There were people sitting directly in front of our car, particularly a little old lady with her grandchildren.  The way this lady jumped out of her folding chair made me wish that I could die for her, because surely the only thing could follow a scare like that was a heart attack. 

After receiving death stares from more than a handful of people, I knew that my dream had become a nightmare and it was time to go.  As we drove away, a single tear dropped from my eye, because on that night, my childhood memories of family night at the Drive-In died a short, but painful death.

Sometimes I Feel Like This Guy

How many of you know that today is a worldwide holiday? Come on now, don’t all raise your hands at once. Well in case you’ve been in the dark for the past 2 decades, let me enlighten you. Today is none other than “MADDEN DAY”. That’s right; the beloved football game series has its own holiday for gamers worldwide. Madden Day is celebrated each year upon the release of the newest Madden football game by gamers worldwide. I have celebrated Madden Day in some way, shape, or form, for the past 15 years. Did you hear what I just said, for 15 years I have been coming back for more. Year after year, regardless of how great or horrible the game was; I was there front and center ready to hand over my hard earned cash in order to continue my legacy as a Madden great. This year however, I’m facing a decision of catastrophic proportions. Do I continue my Madden tradition and pick up the 2011 edition, or do I throw in the towel, call it quits and retire? To some, this may not seem like a perplexing problem; rest assured, after you read this post, you’ll understand why I’m so conflicted.

You guys have to understand, Madden and I have history together. I’ve sacrificed a lot for my Madden game playing pleasure. I can remember back in high school, when Madden Day came around I would skip school in order to get a leg up on the competition (don’t tell my mom). Before Madden tournaments became the thing to do, I was hosting them at my Mom’s house. We had official rules, about 20 contenders and a grand prize of a couple hundred dollars. Do you know how awesome that sounds to a teenager? I’m going to play a video game and possible get paid to do it? I created a Madden utopia for my friends. If that wasn’t bad enough, I installed a TV screen in my car with a playstation; my friends and I would ride around for hours playing Madden. We never got really far however, because I had to pull over each 1st down so that I could get a play in. It’s sad I know, if there was such a thing as Madden Rehab, I should have been signed up and committed a long time ago.

But you see, the glory years of Madden are long gone. Back in the day, Madden was always a fun and exciting game for me because of the cheesy gameplay mechanics that I was able to exploit so easily. Mechanics such as the unstoppable Hail Mary; I perfected this move and used it to hoist me into the Madden hall of fame. Seriously, I once beat a near and dear friend (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) 110-7. Do you understand the magnitude of a crushing defeat such as that? 110 points in one single game, with 5 minute quarters? It’s almost unheard of! After that game, well after I grabbed my disposable camera to snap a picture of the end game screen, I knew that I would love this game forever and I would be a force to be reckoned with throughout the test of time. Oh how wrong I was.

A few years after I handed out that crushing defeat, I felt myself losing my touch. My Hail Mary’s weren’t connecting with precision like they used to, my running backs weren’t putting up 300 yard games anymore. I was concerned, but not too worried; that is, until the unthinkable happened. My little cousin, who is 6 years my junior stepped up to the plate one year and beat me. Not only did he beat me, he Chris Brown’d me (okay bad joke), seriously though, my ego was black and blue after getting slaughtered by this young buck. I was so down and out after the defeat that I engaged in an offense that is all too telling of an aging Madden player. I broke down and bought a strategy guide. I know, I know, please resist the urge to throw rocks and stones at me. I saw it as my only way to reclaim greatness and sit upon the Madden throne once again. It was akin to a washed up boxer who uses steroids to boost his abilities in the ring. The sad thing is that it didn’t help me at all. I continued to get worse as the number behind the Madden name climbed higher

My last season of Madden could be compared to Iverson’s last season in the NBA. As a washed up player, I was so excited when I won my first game that I nearly cried. Like Iverson however, those tears of joy were short lived. Half way through the season, I was getting beat so bad that I was afraid John Madden himself was going to come to my house and take my game away from me. So you see, here is my dilemma, I love the Madden series, I’ve been a faithful fan for 15 plus years; however, as I grow older and the games become more complex, my skill level drops drastically. So what do I do? Shall I retire, call it quits, and hand in my sticks? Or do I tough it out and continue to be the old guy on the field constantly getting outshined by the young bucks? I’m not sure which answer is best for me. For now, I’m considering myself the Brett Farve of Madden. I’m the old guy that knows he’s washed up and should throw in the towel, but loves the game so much that he can’t bring himself to do it. Maybe this will be my breakout year and I’ll shock the world, or maybe I’ll just walk away from it all while I still can. Only time will tell, but seeing as how today IS Madden Day, I only have a few hours left to decide. Until I do, the fans (I mean readers) are just left guessing.

Disclaimer: This post was suppose to be all about summer activities, but then a memory struck me and the entire post shifted.  Sorry, read on and you’ll see it was a good shift.

Summer is nearly half way over and I’m left wondering where the time went.  It seriously doesn’t seem like the middle of July is here already.  But then I look back and realize that the reason summer is passing me by is because of all these gosh darn activities that we’ve been involved with for the kids.  This year, some dummy (me) was looking through the activity catalog and make the bright decision to sign them up for everything. When I say everything, I really mean just about EVERYTHING. We had basketball, T-ball, swimming, karate, soccer, gymnastics, art, and music classes.  It’s been a lot of fun and the kids really enjoy being involved in so many different things, but secretly, I must say that I’m happy we’ve reached the midway point and it’s almost over.

I have to say that so far, T-ball has been my favorite activity of the bunch.  There’s just something about watching a bunch of 2 year olds attempt to play the sport of mini-baseball.  It’s honestly hilarious, and I’d recommend it as therapy to anyone having bad day.  At this age, I think the parents are the ones who get the most out of an activity like this.  The kids just enjoy the freedom of running around, they could care less about throwing a ball or running the bases, all they really want to do is RUN.  Tre never did fully grasp the concept of tagging a person out, but by the end of the “season” he did eventually master running the bases by himself and for that he gets two thumbs up!

Oh man, that statement has just caused me to go on a total tangent.  Sorry if you’re really into the activities stuff right now, but we’re switching gears for a moment.  Did you know that people don’t instinctively know how to give a thumbs up? ME EITHER! Not until Tre’s T-ball class, at the end of class everyone huddled up and was suppose to put their thumbs in to do a celebratory cheer.  Well low & behold, the toddlers were all baffled.  Some of them were sticking their index finger in the pile, others just putting entire fists in there.  One thing was for sure, there was an excessive absence of tiny thumbs present for our cheer.  After witnessing this travesty, I was utterly appalled, how could I have missed this? My son, my flesh and blood was currently incapable of giving a thumbs up. How could this be; if he can’t give a thumbs up, he most certainly can’t pull of the much more complicated “wink and a gun”, and if he can’t do that, how in the world will he be able to impress hot chics?  This was a truly shocking and upsetting moment, but after I regained consciousness and realized that all was not loss, that there was still time to save him; I got to work and prepared for a long and grueling training session to whip my boy into shape (queue up Rocky Theme Music).

I had a long road ahead of me, after hours and hours of extensive research, I discovered that separating the thumb from the other four fingers and using it independently wasn’t a natural instinct, but indeed something that could be taught.  Ah ha, the glimmer of hope that I needed, let the training begin!  We performed hours upon hours (okay, minutes upon minutes) of hardcore thumb pumping drills.  I’d do quick thumbs up, slow thumbs up, even two thumbs up, but his thumbs were never at that oh so desirable 90 degree angle.  Ready to throw in the towel, head hanging low, I took one last look at my boy and saw a montage of how pitiful his life was going to be, now that he had failed thumbs up boot camp.  Just then, as if to say, “Don’t you give up on me yet Dad” his little pint sized hand slowly started to rise! Higher, and higher it went, all the while, his thumb emerging from his little fist until finally it happened, a full 90 degree thumbs up!

Ha Ha, take that! We had done it, together, we had achieved greatness and I couldn’t wait until the next class to show off Tre’s talents.  During that class, I wasn’t focused at all, totally missing ground balls, striking out at bat, but none of that mattered, because at the end of class, we would be shining, we would show those 2 year olds the best thumbs up in the world.  Then it happened, class was finally over, it was time to huddle up and grab the glory.  Coach instructed everyone to put their thumbs in for a cheer and dammit, wouldn’t you know almost every darn kid there had a thumb poking out. Then I look at Tre and he’s standing there index finger stretched as far as can be, still with the look of greatness on his face that we had prepared for.  All I could do was laugh, and hold my head high as I died a small death on the inside due to my foolishness.  He tried and whether it’s sports, or thumbs up, that’s all that matters and I’ll always be proud of him.

Oh yeah, by the way, the title was reflected at my stupidity. In case you missed that.

Do you remember when you first learned to ride your bike without training wheels? If you’re anything like me, that moment was THE single most important achievement of your 5 to 6 years on this planet. Well some 20 odd years after I learned to do it, I’ve taught Ty to ride without training wheels & it felt as though I had achieved greatness again. What’s even better is that I was able to witness the feeling of a 5 year old conquering his biggest challenge yet & it was invigorating to be on the other side this time. But then that all came crashing to a fiery end; once the excitement subsided, the dreadful memories of my training wheel boot camp came flooding back & the tears of joy that I shed for Ty turned to tears of heartache and pain.

You might be saying to yourself: “come on Keith, it couldn’t have been that bad” Well it was, first off, when I was taught to ride, there were no fancy bike helmets & pads. If there were I surely didn’t have them. Handy “teach your kid to ride” guides, like the one I’m writing right now weren’t readily available either. So the process was a very long, tedious, & injury full one. My Dad thought it’d be a good idea to start teaching me in the grass, “the grass is soft” he said, “it doesn’t hurt if you fall” he said. WRONG, the grass is not soft and it certainly hurt when I fell.  I think his words gave me a false sense of security and caused me to believe that I was invincible as long as I was in the grass. 

Once we moved to the pavement, I was so badly bruised up that the fear of another fall is probably the only thing that kept me upright for so long.  My Dad gave me the “I won’t let go until you tell me line” and we were off.  Unfortunately, my Mom hadn’t gotten the memo and when she came outside and witnessed me riding was so overjoyed that she began applauding my efforts.  Well this kind of tipped me off to the fact that Dad was no longer holding on, my first thought was the pavement is a lot harder than the grass so I have to stop before this ends badly.  Between all of the excitement, I totally forgot all of my brake safety lessons and this lesson ended in a big boom.  Let’s just say I stuck to my scooter for a while after that.

My experience with riding wasn’t fun, which is part of the reason I put off teaching Ty for so long, but luckily his experience was a lot more pleasurable than mines. He didn’t have one scrape, cut, or bruise by the time we finished.  Hell, he only fell once and even that wasn’t a complete fall.  He was a natural and it warmed my heart to see him excel so well.  I don’t know if it was the 95 degree heat, or his own determination, but we were only out there for 5 minutes before he took off on his own and was riding freely.  He was ecstatic, I was relieved.  All of the alcohol, peroxide, and band aids could be safely tucked away in the medicine cabinet for another time.

***Sidenote*** I’ve talked to my parents about my memories of learning to ride and they deny all events.  They claim, I learned to ride in a matter of minutes and didn’t shed a tear doing so.  Did I obtain the memories of my past from some movie or TV show, or are they covering up a family conspiracy?  They sounded suspicious in their recollection and kept giving each other shifty glances (We had this conversation over FaceTime) so I don’t believe them. Until time machines are cheap enough for household use, the debate wages on.

Tips To Teach Your Kid To Ride Without Training Wheels

• Start with a scooter, it teaches the child the art of balancing their weight, which is crucial for riding without training wheels
• Don’t hold the handlebars, hold the seat only.  The handle bars are used for both steering and balance, if you hold on to them, the child won’t get a since of their weight shifting and how to adjust accordingly
• Ensure they have a good understanding of how to use the brakes so that once they get going, they’ll be able to stop without jumping (or falling) off the bike.
• Tell them up front that they are probably going to fall and may even get a scratch or cut.  This makes them aware of the possibility so that if it happens they will be more willing to get back on and try again.
• Don’t tell them that you won’t let go, the shock and enjoyment of a child realizing that they’re doing it on their own is enough to cause an immediate crash.  Instead, by informing them that you will let go at some point, they already know that they’ll be doing it on their own at some point
• Avoid the grass. It is more difficult to pedal in the grass than on the pavement, which diverts attention away from more important things such as balance and proper break usage

These are the tips I used to teach Ty to ride his bike in under 5 minutes, they may not be all inclusive or universal for every child, but I’d say it’s a good place to start.  What tips or tricks have you used to teach your child?  Are there any memories of your own learning experience that helped or hindered your progress in becoming a teacher?

Okay, so unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past month (I’ve always wanted to say that!!!), you probably know that Apple’s latest and greatest product in the mobile market, the iPhone 4 was released last Thursday.  The day was complete pandemonium, the news covered the release, blogs debated the phone’s greatness, and your truly lined up to purchase the hottest phone of um, well, this month.  Haha, you know phones are constantly one upping each other, so the fanfare won’t last long.  But for now, it’s awesome and all my troubles were well worth it so far.  When I say troubles, it’s definitely not an understatement; I went through hell and back to get this phone! I was the fortunate recipient of blisters on my feet, slipped into a state of delirium due to lack of sleep, and almost lost my life because of a disgruntled Apple customer.

I’ll get to my Apple experience in a moment, but while in line I had an epiphany which I think explains the very reason I was in line on that almost fateful day.  During the 3 seconds that I thought my life would be taken from me, there were a few moments of clarity and my entire life flashed before my eyes.  During this time, you know what I saw? I saw myself standing in lines, very long lines, multiple times.  Once I realized I wasn’t going to die, I took a minute to reflect on the fact that I’ve been standing in long lines almost all my life and the majority of the time, it’s been totally voluntary.  I’m actually standing in line RIGHT NOW as I write this. We’ve been in line to ensure we get good seats for Toy Story 3 in IMAX.  I’ve come to the conclusion that my addiction to standing in long lines is due to my childhood and spending numerous summer days in amusement parks across the nation.  Every summer my family would travel to far and distant lands to conquer the biggest, and greatest roller coasters known to man!!! 

Well actually, we would travel from Buffalo, NY to either Sandusky, OH or Toronto for Cedar Point and Canada’s Wonderland, respectively. Okay, so maybe it’s not all corners of the Earth, but to a child a 4hr drive seems like going to China. Anyways, as soon as we arrived at these parks, I’d immediate migrate to the longest line and wait sometimes up to 3hrs for a 90 second thrill.  As you can see, the wait couldn’t have possibly justified the reward.  This habit which was formed at such a young age has apparently carried on throughout my life and I blame none other than my parents for the fact that I’ve turned into a habitual line stander.  They could have easily nipped this in the bud by telling me the line was simply too long, we need to go to another ride.  But no, they chose to be enablers, and I almost lost my life because of it! Thanks Mom and Dad!

Fast forward to launch day of the iPhone 4 and I found myself waking up at 5am, even though I had worked 12hrs the day before, then went straight to the bowling alley after work to start our bowling league.  So needless to say, when I got home on launch day eve, I was exhausted, but yet and still; I mustered up the energy to haul myself to the Apple store for my slice of the future.  However, once I got there, I was greeted with great shock and dismay.  It was like a circus, people had sleeping bags, guitars, portable drums, bond fires, okay well not bond fires, but you get the idea.  It was totally crazy! There were at lease 150-200 people in front of me in the reserved line, and then another 200 in the non reserved line.  Even facing these odds, I somehow felt that I would be able to obtain my new phone before heading off to work.  By the time the Apple store opened, there was probably another 200 people behind me, it was ridiculous, people were coming out in droves to obtain this phone.  As you’ve probably guessed, I went to work disappointed and defeated. To some this may have not been a big deal, but I live my life by the Ricky Bobby philosophy: If you’re not first, you’re last! 

I went back after work hoping the crowd would have died down, I was greatly mistaken. I actually ended up further back in line than I was during my morning visit.  So I accepted total defeat and obtained a voucher to come back in the morning.  As I was leaving, I saw a gentleman that I remembered from my earlier visit.  He was in the non reserved line and had finally made his way to the front of that line; mind you it had been 15 hours since I first saw this guy.  I stopped to talk to him for a moment, and got to see the true effects of the hold that Steve Jobs has on people.  He told me he had been in line since 4am, but it was okay because it was almost over and the iPhone 4 would soon finally be his!!!  I swear, he started to glow a bit when he made this statement, I promise you, the way this guy responded, you would have thought that the gates of heaven were about to open to him.  I was happy for him, even though I wasn’t getting my phone after standing in line for a total of 3+ hours, this guy who lived the struggle was about to be granted his wish and be catapulted into greatness with his new phone!

That’s when it happened, that’s when the announcement that almost caused me my life was made and a man’s dreams were crushed.  Immediately after this guy explained to me his 15hr wait, an Apple representative came out and gathered the crowd’s attention for an important message.  That message? “I’m sorry, but we will no longer be able to accommodate customers who did not pre-order, you will all have to come back and try again tomorrow” OMG, are you serious, I’m standing next to this guy who thought he was about to have the greatest thing in the world happen to him and now you’ve just told him it’s not going to happen?  As I realized exactly what the lady was saying, things started going in slow motion for me, I looked at the guy I was talking to and just saw his mouth drop, beads of sweat started to seed on his forehead and his breathing became labored.  After seeing his delight turn into displeasure, I began growing concerned for my safety and the safety of the hundreds of people standing in line.  I was within arm’s reach of this guy and honestly thought he was going to hit the closest thing to him.  As I backed away, he started shouting “WHAT DOES THIS MEAN” repeatedly and security quickly rushed over to him along with a few Apple employees in an attempt to calm him down.  I didn’t stick around to find out if they were successful.

I was eventually able to get my iPhone the next morning and the craziest thing happened.  I saw the 15 hr disappointment man there as well.  As I was getting in line, he was leaving the store and spotting me.  He exclaimed, “It is finally mines, I have it now, and soon your dreams will come true too my friend.”  However deranged this guy might have been, he was correct, because 30 minutes later I had my iPhone and was in ecstasy.  It was all worth it, and I had another positive reinforcement to encourage my long line standing tendencies.

Let me start off by stating that I HATE THE DENTIST! There I said it! If you’re a dentist reading this blog, I’m sorry, but we could never be friends (don’t stop reading the blog though, lol). Dentists perform hate crimes against humanity and I refuse to subject myself willingly to their torture. I took the stance that I would never subject my kids to the demented hands of a dentist either; luckily I have a level headed wife who vetoed my ruling. Yesterday was Tre’s first visit to the dentist and it appears that he’ll be following in his Daddy’s footsteps. He wasn’t too pleased, and surely let it be known during his visit.

Ty has been to the dentist several times already and much to my dismay, he loves it! I can’t believe my son is crossing enemy lines and consorting with such vile characters. But maybe it’s a good thing; war isn’t for everyone ya know. Tre on the other hand immediately threw up his defenses when he got to the dentist office. Even though they attempt to lure kids in and trick them with their numerous toys, games, and rides (yes, rides at the dentists office) Tre wasn’t having it. When the receptionist lady asked him if he was excited about seeing the dentist he shouted out NO! and ran towards the door (that’s my boy). Now, I don’t think he really understood her question, but it was damn funny that the timing of that NO was so perfect.

He eventually calmed down and took the bait. The toys reeled him in and caused him to lower his defenses (rookie mistake). He was so involved in playing that he didn’t even notice when they called Ty back into the torture room, oops I mean patient room. After a few minutes, Tre looked up and noticed that Ty was missing. I told you guys that he had a funny feeling about being at this place, so he must have thought that they kidnapped Ty and were doing horrible things to him. After realizing that Ty was gone, Tre proceeded to run around the waiting room screaming out TYYYYYYYY at the top of his lungs, looking underneath chairs and trying to open doors to find his brother. Now that’s loyalty right there, leave no man behind.

We decided that maybe it would be a good idea to take Tre back there with Ty so that he’d calm down and maybe seeing what they were doing to Ty would ease his fears of having the dentist work on him. We were wrong! When Tre saw Ty on the table and the dentist over him, doing something in his mouth which was making weird noises, he started crying and repeatedly saying “Ty, they hurting me.” He was trying to say are they hurting you, but hasn’t totally learned his pronouns yet. Ty gave him a thumbs up to let Tre know that he was okay, and things seemed calm for a while. That is until it was Tre’s turn to get examined. All they did was look at his teeth and brush them with a NORMAL toothbrush. But the way he was kicking and screaming, you’d have thought he was having a root canal, and wisdom teeth removed with no Novocain. In the end, they won him over with a stuffed turtle and he was fine, but I think he still has his suspicions about the true intentions of a dentist.

As you can see from Tre’s experience, the dentist office probably won’t be his favorite place to visit, but being afraid of the dentist isn’t always a bad thing. Because of my hatred for that profession, I do everything in my power to ensure I don’t have to visit them and throughout my life have only had 1 cavity. Hopefully Tre & Ty will also let fear be their guide to good tooth brushing and flossing techniques as well.

If you missed yesterday’s Tre’s Thursday Toy Review, be sure to head over and check it out.

Elmo & A Ninja (A Deadly Combination)

Happy Halloween!!! Oh wait, I guess I’m a little late huh?  Well, I’m just like “The Simpsons”, remember how they always aired their Halloween special on the Sunday after Halloween? Okay so here we go.  First off, I’m writing this post from the hotel room in Clemson, S.C. so I’m away from my normal blogging locating and it feels a little weird.  I’m out here on a business trip (which will probably end up being a blog post of its own) but I didn’t want to leave you guys without some delightful eye candy (get it? halloween, candy, eye candy, lol) to get you through your Monday!

Tre going in for the kill

Halloween was freakin awesome!  This was Tre’s first Halloween that he ‘kind of’ got it.  I say kind of, because there were some stumbling blocks along the way, but he eventually picked up on the concept and got into the spirit of Trick or Treating.

Ty wasting no time cracking that pumpkin open

Let’s start with the pumpkin carving.  Ty is quickly becoming an old pro at making jack o lanterns, I mean diving right in two hands deep and really gutting that thing.  Tre on the other hand, only wanted to blow out the candle that we put inside the pumpkin.  I tried to get him involved in the carving activities, but when I told him to pull those seeds out, he looked at me like “um, I don’t think so buddy”.

Do you want to help Tre?

The final product

Once the pumpkin was done, it was time to get the boys dressed and ready to hit the mean streets of Raleigh for some good ol fashioned Trick or Treating. Ah, that made me think of something.  What’s up with no one outside of the Greater Buffalo area knowing about “Beggars Night”?  A few days before Halloween, Fefe and I were having a conversation about “Beggars Night” and she didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.  So I turned to the Twitter world to help explain it to her; only thing is, no one outside of Buffalo knew what I was talking about either.  Is Buffalo the only city where kids went around Trick or Treating the night before Halloween?  Can someone out there please confirm the concept of “Beggars Night”, so that Fefe can stop calling Buffalo a weird city?  Anyways, so on to getting dressed right, I guess Tre thought he was going as Daddy, because he was trying his hardest to walk in my boots.

No Tre, wrong costume!!!

Once we straightened out the boot situation, we were all set.  There was only one problem, no one explained to Tre how Trick or Treating works.  The first few houses were quite hilarious, he was getting his bearings and everyone enjoyed watching him learn the ropes.  The first few houses we went to, he wouldn’t even go next to the person with the candy bowl.  But once he did, Tre’s lack of Trick or Treating savvy put smiles on all of our faces.  The first time that he actually got some candy on his own, he held on to it for dear life, as if the rightful owner was going to hunt him down and claim their belongings.  His first piece of candy was a Twizzler and it stayed in his hand for 3 houses.  On the 4^th house, he decided that the Twizzler wasn’t good enough anymore and proceeded to “trade” with the lady holding the candy bowl.  Yup that’s right folks, the kid actually gave up his piece of candy to get a better piece.  The lady tried to give it back, but he no longer wanted any parts of the Twizzler.  Ty feverishly tried to explain that you’re suppose to put the candy in your bucket and save it for later, but it took Tre a few more houses before he caught on.  After while though, he had the hang of it and was Trick or Treating like a pro, screaming out “Trick or Treat” at the top of his lungs and all.  Until someone made the mistake of handing him a sucker that is; once he got his hands on that, it was all over.  He fought tooth and nail until we finally broke down and opened the sucker for him.  Once that sucker was in his mouth, Trick or Treating was all over for him.  He didn’t want to say “Trick or Treat” anymore, didn’t want to grab anymore candy, didn’t even want his costume on, all he wanted was that sucker, so Ty carried on without his teammate but neither one of them seemed to mind.

The game ending sucker

A ninja without his Elmo, is no ninja at all, lol

Ever since Tre was born, people have been telling us that he needs to be a baby model; and as soon as they spend 5 mins around Ty, we hear “he was born to be on TV”.  At first, I just figured people were being kind, you know those are the type of things you’re supposed to say about kids.  After hearing it time and time again, I reconsidered the validity of what friends, family, and complete strangers were saying and thought, maybe so.  I went on a personal crusade to find a legit, reputable, modeling agency to represent the boys and needless to say, I came up empty on more than one occasion.  But yesterday, I thought we hit gold with the American Mall Model Search; sadly, in the end, it turned out to be just another rip off (in my opinion).  But this time, it wasn’t just Fefe & I who wasted our time and energy and got our hopes up for nothing; the kids were involved and lead to believe that they could be “stars”, and that pisses me off.  When I started this search about a year ago, I did tons of research that allowed me to determine that something just wasn’t quite right with the American Mall Model Search and I’m thankful that I was able to spot it out and not waste any money or additional time.  At the end of this post I’ll share some of the top things I’ve learned about the “industry” with you future Mommy & Daddy managers out there to hopefully save you some time & trouble.

A few weeks ago, a family member (who shall remain nameless) called Fefe and told her about this model thing at the mall and that her two granddaughters had gotten modeling contracts from it.  I was skeptical, but figured hey if it worked for them, why not give it a try.  We went to the mall and filled out the paperwork and within a few days got a call back with a date and time to come in and audition.  That time & date was yesterday at 7:15.  That’s primetime in our home, its after dinner and before the kids go to bed.  It’s our family bonding time and we decided to give it up for a shot at making it big time. Big Mistake!

As soon as we arrived at the mall and found the runway stage, red flags started going off almost immediately!  There were a bunch of teenagers there and EVERYONE was in skinny jeans, it was like a skinny jeans convention! Sidenote: I hate skinny jeans, and it ain’t because I’m not skinny. Then I notice that all of the skinny jean teenagers were actually working for the model search company.  They were signing people up and passing out numbers, etc.  As I looked around, I was unable to locate ANYONE over the age of 21 that was actually working. RED FLAG!!! Well, I decided to give it the benefit of the doubt, since we were a little early.  I assumed all of the adults and “qualified” talent scouts must be in the back or something. Well I was wrong, once it got started; the same teenagers were the only ones around and were running the show alone.  I immediately thought, how is a bunch of teenagers gonna determine who has what it takes to be a model and who doesn’t?  But again, dreaming big, I was able to rationalize it.  This was the preliminary rounds, so how much talent is really needed to weed out the really horrible contestants.  A word of advice: hope can often cloud your better judgment, so be careful.

Once the modeling hopefuls started walking the runway, it was absolute comedy!  I mean most of the people were down right BAD.  Not the kids of course, they were all cute and adorable.  But some of those adults should have been ashamed of themselves.  There was around 40 people trying out and of the 25 or so adults that went up there, I saw maybe THREE people that didn’t make complete fools of themselves.  During the auditions, I noticed that one of the teenage “judges” barely looked up from his paper at all; just constantly writing with a quick glance hear or there. RED FLAG!!! After the auditions, they were ready to announce the results.  They said that there were only 5 people who didn’t get picked. WHAT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?  Okay, I can understand picking all the kids (maybe) but there is no way that half of the people up there could have been seriously considered for a modeling contract. RED FLAG!!!

At this point, I’m still slightly hopeful, and still ignoring the red flags that keep waving at me.  They announce the adults first, and Fefe’s number is called, yayyy.  Then onto the kids, they announce their number one, top choice and when they call the number its none other than Tre, yayyyy! Then Ty’s number gets called, yayyyy!  We’re all winners, I knew it, my family has what it takes.  We were so super pumped because now we get to come back for the finals and do a photo shoot and talent portion.  We get the scoresheets and they have things like “cutie pie”, “cool smile”, “neat poses” written all over them. RED FLAG!!! I’m not a model agency excec, but I’m quite sure they have better, more official, terminology to use than the ones that were chosen to describe why my family members would make great models.

Finally, they bring us to the booth to “schedule” our finals audition and that’s where they lay it on us.  In order to move on to the finals, you have to participate in the photo shoot, and guess what, you have to pay for it!  $150 each for Ty & Tre, and $300 for Fefe. DING DING DING, so this is what all those red flags were trying to warn me about.  I explain to this teenager, they we already have professional photos (which we don’t, just wanted to see his response) and he tells me that we MUST use their photographers if we want to be entered in the finals.  That statement, combined with everything else that went on during the evening convinced me that the American Mall Model Search is a scam.  Why would they not mention this upfront? Why put us through this whole process, get our hopes up, get my kids excited about being stars, only to throw a $600 bill in our face for the POSSIBILITY of being selected in the finals?  Needless to say, I’m pretty pissed and hopefully this post will save other parents the headache of dealing with the bullshit associated with entering the model industry.

Signs That A Modeling Agency Is A Scam

They require professional photos for babies and small children – this is ridiculous, real agencies know that children’s looks change rapidily and will not force you to pay tons of money for photos that won’t look anything like your child 6 months from now

They only accept photos from their preferred photographer – modeling agencies make a percentage of their client’s earnings, so if they honestly thought you had what it takes, why force you to use their photographer? They should be able to take any profession photo and shop it around to find you a gig.

They require you to pay a fee before they will represent you – again, they get commission from the paying gigs that they find for you and that is the ONLY way a reputable, legit agency makes its money. 

There are a ton more, but I’m getting angry just writing about them.  If you’d like to know more, just email me and I’ll share all that I know