Apparently, “check back tomorrow” means see you in a month, because it was a little over a month ago that I promised you guys Part 2, the thrilling conclusion to our “Taking My Breasts Back” story. I know that you guys are probably sitting there waiting for whatever lame excuse I try to use to explain my bad blogger behavior, but I’ve got news for you guys, this time there are no excuses, only facts. The factual (proven through scientific experimentation) reason that its taken so long to get this blog post out is because unbeknownst to me, I got sucked into some type of time warp that transported me through the space-time continuum in slow motion. I promise you, it was very Inception-ish, so in your minds, it may seem like an entire month has gone by, but in reality it has only been 24 hours since my last post (please disregard all time stamps and any other evidence that refutes my claims). So now that we’re all back together again ONE DAY later, why don’t we just jump right into the story and find out if I got my boobs back or if they’re still under the control of that dastardly (but cute) little monster called KayKay.
As you’ve probably guessed by now, our coup d’état was unsuccessful. However, this is certainly not due to a lack of trying. KayKay’s resolve was ferocious; we lasted through 5 days of hell before finally waving the white flag. Things started off simple enough, with a few cries here, a few whimpers there, but then it all changed and by day two, KayKay went 0 to 100 real quick. It was like she was a real life little human; how many times have you been out to eat and notice a customer become irate because their food is taking too long? Well our little toddler became that customer. The temper tantrums started on day 2, anytime we would try to give her food she would cry and scream and holler, reaching for Fefe’s boobs as if they were a winning lottery ticket. Day 3 brought on the silent treatment; she refused to look at me, speak to Fefe, or play with the boys. As the day went on, I tried to talk to KayKay, she simply ignored me. Clearly irritated by my constant attempts at reconciliation, she began pushing my face away so that I couldn’t even look at her; to say my feelings were hurt would be an understatement. I honestly think that she knew I was the ring leader behind this whole cold turkey strategy, so I got hit the hardest (literally), no really, KayKay really slapped me at one point and it was a slap with malice behind it. It’s as if she was declaring war against me, letting me know that these boobs weren’t big enough for the both of us.
Day 4, she pulled out the big guns; an effective tool used by non-violent protestors for years: The Hunger Strike. Although she had already shown her willingness to utilize violence if necessary, I guess she really wanted to get through this thing with the fewest amount of casualties possible. KayKay started refusing to eat anything. Her catalog of foods that she would consume was already pretty limited, but by day 4, even her favorites were being tossed on the ground. Day 5, she wouldn’t even drink her water. This had us worried, things weren’t going as planned at all; she was supposed to eat more if we took the breastmilk away, not less. What in the hell was going on? It was time to call this whole cold turkey thing off and get some answers, because we were obviously fighting a battle that we couldn’t possibly win. Naturally, I took to google to try to gain some type of understanding about our predicament, what I found was astonishing.
The first hit that google produced contained the following statement: “A healthy baby won’t starve themselves, but one with eating issues just might”. WHAT? ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS??? This was completely contradictory to what our doctor had been telling us for months. Go cold turkey he says, she’ll be fine he says, a baby won’t starve themselves he says. Obviously, he was freaking wrong, because KayKay was doing just that, and there was evidence that babies with eating issues often resort to starving themselves if the food that they are comfortable with isn’t available, as they have such difficulty accepting new foods, they would rather starve. This was mind blowing to me, what had I done? I had inadvertently placed my little girl in harm’s way, when I was simply trying to make things better. To say I felt like a horrible parent would be an understatement.
Once the guilt started to fade, the truly horrific reality of my actions started to set it. I was so hell bent on getting KayKay off the boob, that I instructed her to use cabbage leaves to dry up her milk. The girl can’t eat what’s not there, I told her. After 5 days of no feeding, and cabbage leaves, Fefe was all but dry. We effectively took away KayKay’s only source of nourishment and due to her eating difficulties, at that time there was no substitute, so we were screwed. Luckily for us, Fefe has boobs of steel (wait, that descriptor just doesn’t work well when talking about boobs), and through hard work and dedication, she was able to get her milk supply back in a few days and KayKay was back to plumping up on breastmilk again.
Thinking of how close we came to needing a feeding tube all because I was jealous of KayKay hogging the boobs is quite scary. Luckily, we were able to avoid that, found a new doctor, got a proper diagnosis of sensory aversion, and have begun occupational therapy to assist KayKay with her eating issues. She’s still on the boob for now, but is making great progress with actually trying new foods and getting excited about them. I think we have a long journey ahead of us and I’ll probably be boobless for the time being, but I’m okay with that. Sacrifices, it’s what good Dad’s do.