When I was a kid people would ask me if I felt older on my birthday? I always responded with a resounding yes; during the teenage years you might have even gotten a HELL YEAH out of me. Obviously, it was a lie; I felt exactly the same, but was so happy to be a bit older that I had to express how great it felt. Today I’m 30 and if you ask me the same question the answer will undoubtedly be the same but for very different reasons. Now the answer is yes because that’s the freaking truth!
My issue with the age of ’30’ all stems from my good buddy Jay-Z; I admire the guy, he is one of the best rappers ever, an astounding business man, and married to the hottest chic in the game. That man is winning on an entirely different level. But as much as I appreciate him, I no longer respect him! The guy is a pathological liar!!! He repeatedly told me that 30 was the new 20, on his song that came out in when I was on the descending end of my 20’s. that song gave me hope; it taught me that although things started going downhill after 25, it was “all good” because when I hit 30 some magical reset button would be pressed and I’d become a young spring chicken again.
Well guess what Mr. Jay-Z, it didn’t happen. Now that I’m 30, I feel as old as I’ve ever felt in my life, and that’s probably because *NEWSFLASH* I’m actually as old as I’ve ever been! You lied to me pal, and I’ve got the evidence to prove it. Back when I was 20, I could go out and party until 4 in the morning and still make it to work and be fully functuonal by 8am. Now, if I stay up past midnight, I’m most likely going to be wasting a vacation day in the morning because I’m too exhausted to get out of bed. When I was 20, I travelled the nation, visiting a different city almost every week. At 30, I still visit different cities every week, however, it’s via the travel channel because with a house full of kids, traveling is neither a feasible task, nor a desirable one. I could go on and on, but at age 30, I’ve seemed to have developed carpal tunnel, and typing for long periods of time isn’t very enjoyable.
Things may sound bad so far, but they definitely get a lot worse for me as I turn 30. Not only was I lied to by one of my favorite entertainers, I was also fed a bowl of cold hard truth by my own flesh and blood. Apparently, this is the last birthday I’ll ever have. Don’t get alarmed folks, I’m not dying from some incurable disease or anything. I’m speaking to you in Tre logic now and according to him, I MUST stop having birthdays at 30, or I risk turning into a giant. Tre feels that after you turn 30, you’re so old that if you get any older you’ll be magically transformed into a giant. The life of a giant is very rough; giants can’t live in houses because they’re too big to fit inside. To make matters worse, they often get in trouble by their parents (who mysteriously aren’t giants by the way) for breaking things such as cars and trees, by simply stepping on them. To avoid this horrific lifestyle, one must simply stay 30 years old forever.
So to sum things up: my dreams of becoming young again have been crushed, I’m no longer able to do the things I once could without very dire consequences and to top it all off, I have to stay at this age forever. Man oh man, with birthdays like this, who would want another one? Maybe Tre is on to something. Okay okay, all joking and kidding aside, if this did have to be my last birthday, it’d be totally okay with me. 10 years ago I was a wild child, trying to find my place in this world, well at age 30, I’ve definitely found it. I have a beautiful wife, 3 wonderful children, and they mean the world to me. I’d be totally happy getting stuck in a Groundhog Day scenario at this point in my life. I know we are suppose to continuously strive for bigger and better, but honestly, I can’t imagine life getting any better than it already is. So Happy Birthday to me and and special thanks to all of those that make each and every day worth living.