Yeah, you read that right, it’s if I had $100, not a million dollars, not even a thousand dollars, but a mere one hundred dollars; I guess I’m what some would call a small dreamer. Seriously though, I don’t sit around spending my free time dreaming about that elusive $100 bill, but I have been recently wondering what I would do with the money thanks to an assignment that Ty was given at school last week. His answer was so hilarious, that it made me wonder of all the possibilities that an extra one hundred dollars could unlock. Seeing as how I’m an adult now, those possibilities were pretty limited; but for a 7 year old, apparently $100 equates to “the sky’s the limit”
The wife leaves me alone for one week and blood gets spilled!
So the fantasy is coming to an end, reality is setting in and my days as a free man are nearly over. My family comes back in a few hours and that means I have to return to being a Dad, a Husband, a responsible member of society who contributes positively to the community. But as I look back and reflect on the past seven days, the question arises: do I want to go back? Allow me to present to you, the married man’s version of “The Hangover” and then you tell me if you’d be so eager to return to a life of snot nosed kids and a ball and chain.
It was just a little over a year ago that I sat in my cube at work contemplating how in the world I would convince her to say yes. Hell, I hadn’t totally convinced myself to say yes, so convincing another individual was going to be a tough sell if I wasn’t even totally committed. Yup, I’m talking about the move to Minnesota; next week marks the one-year mark since I made the trek up to the Twin Cities. As I sit here now in the middle of March, on my deck, grill fired up, cold one in my hand as I type away; I can come to only one conclusion: Minnesota ain’t so tough!
Toy Review: T-Pain, the guy who brought you such great classics as: “I’m In Love With A Stripper” and “Booty Work” is now invading your child’s toy box with his new “I Am T-Pain” microphone. I was a little apprehensive about purchasing this toy for Ty for two reasons: 1) At times I honestly think the boy is tone death & 2) I would be supporting T-Pain. But Ty really wanted it, so I put my better judgment aside and got it for him. If a vocorder could make T-Pain’s voice marketable, then it should at least be able to make Ty sound bearable right? Let’s take a deeper look at this toy and find out.
Once we opened the packaging, I was pleasantly surprised to find that the microphone came packed with a multitude of features. I honestly have to say that I wasn’t expecting much; so all the extra bonuses made me feel as though I didn’t completely throw my money away. The mic came equipped with several different instrumentals that could be used for background music while your child sings their heart out in preparation for the next round of American Idol auditions. However, these instrumentals were a double-edged sword; they were good for drowning out the child whose voice is on par with Steven Tyler while singing the National Anthem, but they also give the child the opportunity to perpetually be off beat. Pick your poison I guess.
Next up on the features list is the ability to record the beautiful music that your child has created. Whether your child is kicking it accapello or unsuccessfully trying to catch the beat, they can record the catastrophe masterpiece and play it for your listening pleasure until your ears bleed heart swells with joy. Something that is missing however is the ability to save the recordings either by plugging the mic into a computer via USB or some other viable option. Even though some of Ty’s songs make me want to sit in a room full of chalkboards while 30 kids run their fingernails down them, I would still like the option to save a few and torture him with them play them for him when he’s older.
Another nice touch is the attachable speakers, which allow the performance to be broadcast to a larger audience. Transition between microphone and speakers is seamless and only takes a few seconds so the show can be broadcast to all family members at the drop of a dime. There is also the option to utilize one speaker and clip it on your belt for a more mobile performance. The speakers aren’t necessary because the microphone is loud enough on it’s own, but I do think it was a nice addition that really adds value to the toy.
So we’ve spoken about a lot of the features of this toy, but we haven’t touched on the sole purpose of this toys existence: its sound. There’s a reason for that, as you can see from the vid above, the sound quality is sub par at best. The words and sounds come out muffled and it is very difficult to make out what is being said at times. A toy that doesn’t achieve it’s main function isn’t a very good toy in my book.
Lastly, the feature that may be the most important of them all: the fact that the T-Pain effect is optional! Yup, you have to actually press a button to utilize the T-Pain effect, which means if your child desires to let their natural singing voice shine through they most certainly can. Nothing against T-Pain, but his effect can certainly get worn out pretty quickly, so I appreciate the fact that it isn’t mandatory.
Bottom line here is that this microphone is a low budget karaoke system that lacks many of the main features of your standard karaoke machine. Although there are some pretty cool add ons, I don’t think they’re enough to make this toy anything more than an attempt to license T-Pain’s “fame” and get some quick bucks.
I’m sorry to say, but this toy has been Ty tested, however, it isn’t Daddy approved!
When is it acceptable to lie to your spouse or significant other? I know relationships are built on trust and all, but there must be some valid reasons for “displacing” the truth when it comes to the person you love. What if the truth would hurt their feelings? “No babe, that dress doesn’t make you look fat”, is it acceptable then? What if the truth had catastrophic consequences? “Dear, I was really born a man”, is it okay to (in the words of a great Martin episode) “keep the lie alive” then? I don’t believe those, or any situation for that matter, warrant lying to your significant other. Yet, I have been doing just that, I have been perpetrating the funk, I’ve been lying thru my teeth, essentially I have peed on Fefe’s leg & told her it was raining. Figuratively speaking of course! Had to clarify that before you guys start thinking I’ve been possessed by R.Kelly and call the cops on me (Fefe is pretty young and all). Sorry for that tangent, we’re not here for that today. No we’re here for me to bare my soul and beg for forgiveness.