Daddy's Fish BowlA Clear View Of A Father's Family Experiences

If you aren’t familiar with the song posted above, let me fill you in on something: the ego being referenced is a double entendre, and let’s just say that Tre most certainly knows what the secondary meaning is. Last week, I put up a post about being worried that Tre was not so secretly yearning to be a girl. I wrote about my fears and frustrations; now only a few days later, I sit down to this computer to write about a new episode in this saga. Big Brother is real people, they are watching! Either that or Tre is imitating that E-Trade baby and visiting DFB on his iPhone during bedtime.

I suspect that after reading the post and realizing that his masculinity had been called into question in front of MILLIONS of DFB readers (yes, there are millions of you out there….somewhere), Tre embarked on a quest to set the record straight, and set the record straight he did!

Recently, Tre has become infatuated with his ego weewee. If I was worried about him being a girl before, I’m certainly worried no longer. He’s stepped right up to the plate, bypassed the minors and went straight to the major league. He’s a full-blown male, bragging and boasting about the size of his weewee. Yes people, my four year old son doesn’t pussyfoot around when it comes to telling people that he has a big weewee. He obviously has the male exaggeration trait down pact.

Fefe was caught off guard last week when taking Tre to the bathroom. As they entered the bathroom, he quickly announced “Mommy, it’s okay, I can use the big toilet this time…because my weewee is so big now” If I knew the emoticon for dazed and confused, this would most certainly be the place to insert it. Fefe immediately sent me a text asking what type of propaganda I had been filling the boy’s head with. I laughed it off and we shared a quick laugh together (I know the emoticon’s for laughter).

The next incident occurred during bedtime a few days ago. Tre had been up and down going to the bathroom for almost an hour after he had laid down. Finally, I intervened and told him if he got up from that bed one more time, it was going to be trouble, it was late and he was to go to bed immediately. He quickly objected, as Tre often does, offering up a sound explanation for his excessive bathroom trips. He told me, in a tearful tone: “But Daddy, I can’t sleep because my weewee is too long, so it keeps making me have to pee and it takes a long time for it too come out”. How am I supposed to respond to that? “Tre go to bed or I’m gonna make you’re weewee shorter” I don’t think so! So I did what any father would do in an awkward situation: I sent him to Fefe and pretended the conversation never happened.

Last but not least, while getting dressed recently, Tre encountered some technical difficulties, a wardrobe malfunction if you will. He had been struggling to get his underwear on for quite some time and refused any attempts at assistance that was offered. He was determined to perform the task himself regardless of how twisted his underwear were. Finally after a solid 5 minutes of trying, the underwear were on, but there was still an issue. Tre lamented that his weewee kept falling out of his underwear because it was too big. The nerve of this kid, talk about delusions of grandeur! Fefe had to perform a double take to try and understand exactly what was going on. Upon further examination, she discovered that the boy’s weewee was coming out of his underwear because he had put them on backwards. Unfortunately, Tre was too wrapped up in his big ego dream to realize and accept this fact. He disputed that backwards underwear were the true culprit and continued to finger his large weewee as the cause of his dilemma. After what seemed like hours of debate, Fefe was finally able to convince Tre to allow her to assist in the Thomas the Train underwear robing process and it was only then that he realized a big weewee was in fact the reason for his troubles.

As you can see, we’re fighting a war on two fronts: the little boy who wants to be a little girl as well as the little boy who wants to be a BIG man. Hopefully Tre will be content being plain ole Tre again and put an end to the identity crisis and newfound self-infatuation. Until then, I can only hope that his EGO stays where it’s suppose to.