Daddy's Fish BowlA Clear View Of A Father's Family Experiences

Good morning everyone, hope you all had a great night’s sleep and are feeling well rested this morning! Yeah, well if you did, then at least someone was able to obtain a peaceful night’s sleep, because I surely wasn’t able to! Guess what, it wasn’t because of our resident terrorist either. Tre wasn’t the culprit this time, it was Fefe, as often times it is! Read on as I take you through a tale of deceit, horror, and brutality! Well actually, I’m just going to talk about how Fefe acts out her dreams in the middle of the night. Nonetheless, it should still be pretty entertaining.

The clip you are about to hear was recorded at 2:15am a few weeks ago, it is 2:13 in length and the second clip was recorded at 2:18am. Although the clip implies that I was causing harm to Fefe, I can assure you that I was merely laying in the bed holding my phone.

Fefe’s Nightmare

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The Aftermath

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Let me start by saying it wasn’t always like this! I don’t know if in the beginning of our relationship she had some secret formula that suppressed her urge to talk to herself and attack me during my sleep; if there was such a thing, Fefe, I implore you to stop at our closest Wal-greens and get a refill. Maybe now that we’re married, she feels comfortable enough to let her true demons shine through. I don’t know, but I still love her all the same even through all the bruises and verbal abuse that I endure.

Casualty Of War? NO, Casualty Of Fefe's NIGHTMARES

It started off simple, a few quiet laughs throughout the night while she was sleep, and then gradually escalated into full blown arguments with HERSELF. Have you ever witnessed someone in a screaming match over the phone? You know, you can only hear one side of the conversation, but you can tell whatever the other person is saying is really pushing the buttons of whomever you’re observing? Now imagine that same scenario: in bed, without a phone, at 4am. Not really the type of things sleepovers are made of is it? It’s really a sad case when I’m the only one in the house who REQUIRES a nightlight to feel safe when going to bed. That nightlight is a 36” TV. Fefe sometimes gets annoyed with me because I never go to sleep without the television on, little does she know, it’s for my own safety and protection. Without that TV, going through this type of madness in pitch black during the wee hours of the morning would be detrimental to any sane person’s metal wellness.  Let’s just say that monsters don’t live under my bed, they live on top of it.

Let’s take last night for instance; while it has been one of the “milder” incidents, it was still wildly frightening. We both had pretty long days so after we got home from our bowling league, Fefe went straight to bed around 10:15pm. I on the other hand, refuse to go to bed before midnight, regardless of what my body is telling me. I drifted off to sleep a little after 12, only to be snapped out of my precious beauty sleep by a very loud grunting noise. Since I don’t have audio of the grunting, just picture the really buff dude at your local gym as he strains to bench press 400lbs. So I hear the “buff dude popping a neck vein” noise and immediately sit up, because of my “nightlight” I quickly discern that we aren’t under attack. As I lay back down, I hear the following:

Fefe: “Oooooh, you getting on my nerves right now!”

Me: “huh?”

Fefe: “Say something else and I swear….”

Me: “huh?”

Fefe: “See that’s it, I can’t take this no more, you’re gonna be really sorry now!”

Me: “Who’s gonna be sorry?”

Fefe: “YOU ARE (in a freakishly scary tone), you keep making me so mad right now”

Me: (preparing to defend myself from eminent attack) “I’m sorry babe”

Fefe: …..*snoring*

And OF COURSE, as always, this morning she has no recollection of the previous night events. I’m seriously considering going “Paranormal Activity” style and set up a video recorder in our bedroom (no, not for that reason, you dirty minded people), to show her the type of abuse I endure throughout the night. Some people have a bad night’s sleep and wake up and say “Feels like I got beat up in my sleep” well in my case, on any given night, that could actually be a true statement. Please keep me in your thoughts.

To be fair, when Fefe does start talking to herself, I often egg her on and have a conversation with her while she’s sleeping. Most times, it provides great comic relief before bed, but sometimes it all goes wrong and I end up getting attacked. Serves me right I guess.