Daddy's Fish BowlA Clear View Of A Father's Family Experiences

So I was all prepared to write this super cool, totally awesome post about the Ninja Turtles today.  After spending a couple of hours in Turtle bliss with the family last night, I had a great tale to tell.  But then bedtime hit and the happiness of the day was washed away by the few tears of my almost 5 year old.  Yesterday was pretty much an emotional roller coaster for me, filled with ups and downs.  It made me think of being a kid and eating Oreo cookies, I never really cared for the outside parts too much, the “filling” was always the best.  I could of lived without those pieces of the cookie, and yesterday I could have lived without the beginning and end of my day and just kept the middle part.

Let’s start with the beginning; I don’t have the worst commute in the world, but it sure isn’t a fun one.  For the most part, I’ve grown accustomed to it and I don’t allow it to frustrate me anymore.  But yesterday it was raining, and rain means horrible drivers, which ultimately leads to unnecessary accidents.  I knew I had a busy day ahead, so I left for work a tad bit early to try and get a head start on my activities.  Well once I made it to the highway, I was greeted with a monster of a traffic jam and it showed no signs of letting up.  As it turns out there was an accident (big surprise) and two lanes were being blocked off, this resulted in me being late for a meeting.  Not the best way to start the day, but hey things happen, so I carried on.  The rest of the day was pretty stressful, had a few deadlines to meet and non-stop interruptions while trying to meet them.  Nothing over the top, but my days are typically laid back and this wasn’t one of those days.

After the workday was over, the first part of the cookie was gone and it was time to move onto the “filling”.  I drove home listening to some music to clear my head and wouldn’t you know it, traffic was actually flowing quite nicely.  When I got home, Tre was sleep so Ty and I went outside to play for a bit.  We had a good time enjoying the great outdoors before it was time for dinner.  We came back in the house and ate a fantastic meal combined with some pretty darn good conversation.  This was the life; I had totally forgotten about the rough day at work and was solely concentrating on the “filling”.  I had rented the Ninja Turtles movie for family movie night, and it was honestly one of the best movie nights we’ve had in a while.  Ty was excited, I enjoyed seeing my childhood favs, and Fefe was interested in the plot.  Everybody was happy, everything was going great, and then the “filling” was all gone and it was back to the hard outside part of the cookie.

After the movie, we told Ty that it was time for bed and that I would come upstairs to tuck him in tonight.  The look of disappointment on his face literally shot a hole through my heart.  He responded with a tearful, “but I want Mommy to tuck me in”.  This hurt, and it hurt badly.  I was the one who took him outside and played with him, I was the one explaining all of the Ninja Turtle’s names to him; but when it comes time to receive a little payment, the sweet joy of tucking your child into bed, I get slapped in the face with denial?  It tore me up, but we explained to him that Daddy likes tucking him in just as much as Mommy and it hurts Daddy’s feelings when he acts this way.  He said he understood, gave Fefe a kiss and we were off to get Ty in the bed.  Once we got upstairs and he began to put on his pajamas, he started crying.  Crying because Daddy was tucking him in at night instead of Mommy, you have no idea the amount of rejection I felt at that moment. 

Nevertheless, I muster up the strength to look past it and carry on, only to hear Tre wake up crying.  He wasn’t feeling too well yesterday and had gone to bed early.  So I go into his room, and I’m excited because I hadn’t seen him all day; when I pick him up, it’s obvious that he’s still not feeling well.  Remember that hole in my heart I told you about early? Well, he decided to make it grow a little larger.  Immediately after we get downstairs, he practically lunges from my arms in an attempt to get to Fefe.  She grabs him and he calms down a bit, so I ask him if he’s okay and he bursts out crying.  After he was quiet, I said something to him again, which resulted in instant tears.  Can you imagine the pain that I felt?  One kid cried because he didn’t want me to tuck him in, the other kid cried because he didn’t want me to talk to him.  Yeah, our good friend self-esteem, well let’s just say he walked out the door yesterday and didn’t tell anyone when he’d be back.

To be fair, this kind of thing happens from time to time.  So it’s not like it was a big shocker that the kids were acting this way.  Typically, I deal in logic and not emotion.  I understand that Fefe is a stay at home mom. I understand that the kids spend the majority of their time with her, so naturally they would be closer to her.  I understand that little boys are usually drawn to their Mommies.  I know all of these things and that’s why most days, actions like the ones I endured yesterday don’t bother me at all.  But guess what, Dads have feelings too and logic can only prevail but for so long before those feelings surface and begin to take a toll on you.