Daddy's Fish BowlA Clear View Of A Father's Family Experiences

This weekend we did the unthinkable, we ditched our kids and hit the road for a weekend of fun and excitement.  We were childless parents and it felt great!  No diapers to change, no monster trucks to play with, no responsibility what so ever.  There lies the problem, its been so long since we’ve had the opportunity to look after only ourselves that when it came, we didn’t know how to act.  That’s why I have come to the conclusion that parents need kids, it keeps balance in our lives.  We regulate their actions and in return regulate our own because we know in the morning, they’ll be there and they’ll be ready for action.

Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had the opportunity to go out without the kids every now and then.  It would usually only be for a few hours, to go catch a movie or grab some dinner.  But at the end of the day, we both knew that we were going home to the kids and playtime would start bright and early.  But this weekend was different, they were GONE and we were free for the entire weekend.  Free to go where we wanted.  Free to sleep in.  Free to do anything that our little hearts desired.  Oh we both were looking forward to this freedom, if only for a weekend, but no one told us that freedom came with a price.

My buddy just bought a condo out in Maryland and we decided to use this opportunity to take a road trip and go visit.  We haven’t been able to get out there without the kids in quite a while, so this was the perfect time to celebrate.  Our first night we went out to the bar, while the drinks were plentiful (sake bombs, cape cods, margaritas) and ever lasting, I was still able to hold my composure.  My other half, not so much!  We’ve all seen the little measuring cups that accompany liquid medicine right?  Well fill one of those up with some alcohol and that’s all it takes to get Fefe drunk.  She knows this, I know this, and because of this and the fact of the kids, she doesn’t drink to often.  But wait, the kids are gone right, we’re on vacation right, oh what the hell, just let loose.  Letting loose would be an understatement, after a few drinks she was on a roll and there was no stopping her.  Fefe is a friendly and talkative drunk, so the night was filled with meeting & greeting strangers, very loud incoherent conversations, a foot race, and getting stuck in a revolving door.  At one point, Fefe walks up to a complete stranger and says “Hi, I’m Fefe, that guy there is my husband and he’s very jealous, hopefully he won’t come over here and kick your butt”.  As you can see, these are antics that wouldn’t normally surround our lives had the kids been around.  Where is the regulation when you need it?  Oh yeah, I forgot, we ditched our regulators.

Now I haven’t forgotten about myself, I too acted a fool during this weekend.  I just decided to put my behavior at the end of the post so that maybe you’ve gotten tired of reading by now and have already stopped.  If not, and you’re still with me, here we go. 

If a medicine measuring cup gets Fefe drunk, it’d take the whole bottle for me.  Seeing that the kids weren’t around, the whole bottle is what I took the next night.  After waking up at around 11am on Saturday, I felt great.  I watched some recording of Fefe last night and had a good laugh.  We eventually started our day around 3pm.  First thing we do is hit up a wine bar, yup 3 in the afternoon and we don’t have any kids so what shall we do? Oh I know, let’s go drink.  The wine bar was cool, we had a good time and no harm was done.  Next we decide to check out a movie, we saw “A Perfect Getaway” I’d avoid it if I were you.  But we couldn’t just go watch a movie like normal adults, nope; the kids were gone so this has to be a super movie event.  Let’s sneak in water bottles filled with alcohol and drink during the movie.  Again, no real harm done, maybe we were a tad bit talkative, but nothing major.  I told you I drink like a fish, so this was cake!  I was so wrong.  Fefe’s a friendly, talkative drunk; me on the other hand I’m a mean and angry drunk.  After the movie we went to grab some food and that’s where the trouble started.  Our waiter at “Pelican Pete’s” was a total butt hole!  Not to be outdone in the butt hole hall of fame, it was up to my drunken self to match wits with this guy.  He refused to break our checks up separately so I refused to calculate how much I needed to pay.  This became a big ordeal, and to add insult to injury I smeared marinara sauce all over the table before we left.  Actions like this make me question if we got rid of the kids or did they ditch us?  We get back to my buddies house and I’m still upset, solution, let’s open another bottle of liquor.  Heavy drinking ensues for the next few hrs, and the night ends in a stupid argument caused by me.

The next morning, I wake up after about 4 hrs of sleep and its time to head back.  I still felt and apparently acted drunk so Fefe drove back.  I can usually hold my liquor pretty well & since the kids are always around, hangovers don’t come to visit me too often anymore.  But the kids weren’t around and the hangover must have known because on our way home it hit, and it hit hard.  6 hours in a car and being hungover is not a good combination.  After vomiting 3 times (once in a plastic grocery bag, inside the car) I came to the realization that my kids keep me grounded, and without them we’re like caged animals who have just been released into our natural habitat, chances of survival are very low!!!