As I sit at my desk, typing up this blog post for your reading enjoyment, my fingers are crossed. Yes, you read that correctly, I am typing with the fingers of my right hand crossed. So don’t be alarmed if you come across a few typos, or entire words missing from a sentence, for that matter. Just know that it is a necessary evil that I must contend with if I want to provide you guys with these super intelligent and uber entertaining and informative blog posts. What could bring on such preposterous behavior? Why are you being forced to take such precautions? Should I have my fingers crossed as well? I know that these are the burning questions of desire on your mind at this very moment and I’m going to get straight to the point. YES, CROSS YOUR FINGERS, cross them now, go ahead. It is imperative for your future well-being. No, it won’t save you from some unforeseen impending natural disaster, and no, crossing your fingers won’t protect you from the next big pandemic that threatens to wipe humanity off the face of the Earth. But I’ll tell you what it will do; it’ll protect you from contracting the God awful CHEESE TOUCH!!!
When I was a kid people would ask me if I felt older on my birthday? I always responded with a resounding yes; during the teenage years you might have even gotten a HELL YEAH out of me. Obviously, it was a lie; I felt exactly the same, but was so happy to be a bit older that I had to express how great it felt. Today I’m 30 and if you ask me the same question the answer will undoubtedly be the same but for very different reasons. Now the answer is yes because that’s the freaking truth!
As parents, we all stretch the truth a tad bit from time to time when dealing with our children: magical storks delivering babies, a fat guy who never gets arrested for breaking and entering on Christmas Eve, if you tell the truth you won’t get in trouble, the dog (who is dead) ran away, the list goes on and on. Well, at least at our house it does. Most of these little white lies are well intentioned, and designed to produce better more productive members of society out of our kids. Ah, who am I kidding, these lies make our lives easier; could you imagine how difficult the month of December would be if your naughty list got revoked? But what happens when parents start lying to their kids just for the fun of it? I’ll tell you what happens, if backfires!!! Don’t do it folks, reserve your lies, resist the urge to utilize these precious little tools for entertainment purposes.
It’s FRIDAY!!!!!!, YAYYYYY, we made it through another week. What better way to celebrate by having a little fun? I begged convinced my family to participate in this silly trend and create our own family Harlem Shake video. Since it’s Friday and everyone deserves a little jumpstart to their weekend, we decided to provide a little comic relief. Enjoy!!!
If you’re as clueless as I was about this whole Harlem Shake thing, read about it here before watching the video.
If you’ve participated in the madness that is the Harlem Shake craze, be sure to post a link to your vid below. We’d love to check it out.
Today, Gup turns 1 month old. WhooHoo, Yay, Par-Tay!!! Now that all of that is out of the way, let me inform you guys that the honeymoon phase is OVER! This past week or so has been a living nightmare and it can all be attributed to Ruler Gup. Yup, I say “ruler” because she rules this household with an iron fist. She says FEED ME, we say how much? She says ROCK ME, we say how fast? She says BUY ME THE NEW PS4 IN NOV, we say sure thing. Oh wait, sorry, got my “rulers” confused. That last request came from the previous monarch , who was ousted from power one month ago to this day. Even through all of her tyranny, she’s still my little princess and her beautiful eyes brighten my day; however, on nights like last night, I do find myself searching through her diaper bag, playpen, and crib, looking for a gift receipt that reads Kayla Leigh-Ann Robertson. Sure, go ahead, furrow your brow, smack your teeth, call me every name in the book; but until you’ve lived through the bewitching hour, you have no right to judge my gift receipt search!
Up until the birth of Baby Guppy aka Gup, I was under the impression that my boys were monstrosities of evil based on their dealing with each other; wait, let me clarify, I thought that Tre was a monstrosity of evil. Ty was just an unfortunate bystander, forced to protect and defend himself (usually unsuccessfully) by matching evil with evil. The levels of scheming, deceitfulness, and downright mean behavior started climbing off the charts and I began to question if we needed to move to Philadelphia in hopes of getting any brotherly love in our home. Tre reached an all-time low a few mere weeks before Gup’s birth and I was terrified that the torture treatment of his brother would be transferred to her once she arrived.
Baby Guppy is here, she’s been here for nearly two weeks now and it has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. If you recall, she wasn’t suppose to enter this world until Feb 22nd, however, as you can tell little Miss Kayla Leigh-Ann Robertson decided that it was her time to shine and that no womb would hold her back. She was born on February 1, 2013 at 7:24PM, weighing 4lbs. 4oz. and 17in long. Since that day I have been in complete bliss and have been enjoying every moment of her precious little life.
A LOT has happened in the past few weeks, there’s been so much going on, that my computer and I nearly got a divorce due to the fact that we’ve spent next to zero minutes together recently. Let’s see, a quick rundown: My mom came to visit, Fefe’s Dad came to visit, we had Christmas, we had Tre’s birthday, New Year’s celebrations, plays, date nights, and the list goes on and on. But the most memorable moment of the past few weeks by far is the day I almost died. Could you imagine what your lives would be like had you lost your favorite Daddy blogger to a freak accident? I know, you can’t fathom the thought, so let’s move on and discuss my experience of flirting with the Grimm Reaper.
Baby Guppy is now in her 29th week of fetal development and sadly, I have to admit that sibling rivalry is already brewing. How can this be, the baby hasn’t even got here yet, but somehow fighting, bickering, and jealousy has started to take form? In my best Tre impression “WHAT THA!!!” Luckily for us, Tre hasn’t attempted to utilize his superb Ninja Turtle skills and karate chop Fefe’s belly yet, but I’m unsure of how many days we have left until it comes to that. To be fair, he isn’t totally to blame; Baby Guppy antagonizes him ALL THE TIME!!! She’s mischievous, resentful, stubborn, and downright mean (sound like anyone you know). If womb Baby Guppy is any indication of what earth Baby Guppy is going to be like, we are in for a world of trouble. Most people envision their unborn children as little angels, I foresee Baby Guppy as a little angel as well; one without the halo, wings, and heavenly glow.
I blame myself; all of the responsibility for what has happened to my sweet little boy can be placed squarely on my shoulders. I laid down the tracks for what he has become, can you blame him for driving the train to a predetermined destination? It’s my fault and I will someday make it up to him. Addiction is nothing new in our society, but seeing it pop up at the tender age of 4 is somewhat unheard of; the fact that the 4 year olds’ parent is actually the one who pumped the child full of the vice is both disturbing and appalling. I am not proud of what I’ve done, but I’m attempting to make amends for the monstrosities that have besieged my child due to my thoughtless and selfish behavior. This is my apology, not only to Tre, but also to the other members of our family that have been affected by his recent transformation.