Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Family, Fefe, KayKay | Posted on 24-09-2014
There’s Still Milk In There
Apparently, “check back tomorrow” means see you in a month, because it was a little over a month ago that I promised you guys Part 2, the thrilling conclusion to our “Taking My Breasts Back” story. I know that you guys are probably sitting there waiting for whatever lame excuse I try to use to explain my bad blogger behavior, but I’ve got news for you guys, this time there are no excuses, only facts. The factual (proven through scientific experimentation) reason that its taken so long to get this blog post out is because unbeknownst to me, I got sucked into some type of time warp that transported me through the space-time continuum in slow motion. I promise you, it was very Inception-ish, so in your minds, it may seem like an entire month has gone by, but in reality it has only been 24 hours since my last post (please disregard all time stamps and any other evidence that refutes my claims). So now that we’re all back together again ONE DAY later, why don’t we just jump right into the story and find out if I got my boobs back or if they’re still under the control of that dastardly (but cute) little monster called KayKay.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Advice, Fefe, KayKay | Posted on 11-08-2014
Yes, I am taking a stand and finally fighting for what’s rightfully mine. I’m taking my breasts back! Technically they aren’t my breasts per se, since they are attached to Fefe’s body and all, but we are married and what’s hers is ours, so legally they belong to me. Just trust me on this one folks, I’ve consulted a crack team of lawyers regarding personal property law & the firm’s most seasoned partner, a fellow by the name of Tre ensured me that I’m well within my rights.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Activities, Advice, Family | Posted on 03-06-2014
Summer Bucket List
Now that I’m an adult with children of my own, I am coming to the realization that “summer” means two completely different things for kids and grownups. For starters, summer doesn’t actually begin this year until June 21, 2014, however if you ask my kids Summer started last Friday which was there last day of school. I find it quite unfair that spring is getting cheated out of completing its contributions to the seasonal calendar. How the hell is spring supposed to earn early retirement if he’s not allowed to work a full shift? OMG, I really am thinking like a responsible adult. To kids, summer means freedom, later bedtimes, and hanging with friends having fun in the sun. To me, summer means more of the same with added responsibilities. I still have to go to work every day so that completely knocks freedom and later bedtime right off the list. As a parent, my social life is pretty much nonexistent, so I only see friends in the bleachers during little league soccer and baseball games; not really my idea of “hanging”. This leads us to “fun” in the sun, yeah sweating my butt off while putting in grueling hours of yard work is totally categorized under the fun category <insert huge dose of sarcasm here>. Clearly as an adult, Summer is no longer all it’s cracked up to be, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be a fun and exciting time to experience as a family. This year, Fefe came up with the idea of a Summer Bucket List to boost our typical summer experience and I’m really pumped about it.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Fefe, Tre | Posted on 21-05-2014
When it comes to home cooked meals, chances are your Mother’s recipes are top notch. Growing up, your Mother’s cooking is pretty much all you know, so we tend to acquire a taste for Mom’s style and finesse in the kitchen. As we grow older and become exposed to a variety of food choices, some of the mystique and acclaim that Mom’s cooking once had tends to slightly fade away, but the roots of all those seasonings over the years are strong and engrained, so we typically find it very difficult to resist returning home from some of Mom’s good old fashion home cooked meals from time to time.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Baby Guppy, KayKay, Tre | Posted on 24-04-2014
When we have children, we hope and pray that they live healthy, successful, and joyful lives. We hope they have tons of friends and are well liked, we hope that they accomplish all of their desires and dreams and we also hope that they love themselves as well as each other. Our family is pretty lucky, we’ve been blessed with 3 beautiful children who are having no problems at all achieving most of the bucket list items that I listed in the previous sentence. I say “most” because for some reason, we just can’t seem to get the whole “love thy neighbor” concept to properly take hold for our kids: and by “neighbor” I mean sibling and by “kids” I mean Tre. Tre just can’t seem to find that middle of the road balance, he’s either one extreme or the other. It’s black and white with this kid, where grey is apparently some abstract concept reserved for philosophers and others of such caliper. Previously, I wrote about the vicious battles between Tre and Ty, at times I think these two hate each other. But today, I bring you a very different tale, the flip side of the coin if you will; Tre loves his sister so much, that it is in fact quite sickening and boarding on illegal in 48 states.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Activities, Tre | Posted on 31-03-2014
Seeing as how it’s the last day of March and for some God forsaken reason, we still have snow in our forecast for this week, I thought a post about summertime could potentially bring about some good warm weather vibes. You know, the “whole speak it into existence” thing. Worth a try right, so I’m going to take you guys back to when the temps were high, the grass was green, and the snow was gone. Hopefully, Mother Nature will read this post and get the hint to get off her lazy rear end.
Regarding the title of the post, I have to direct that question to my male readers: have you ever had someone kick your balls??? No no no, not those balls, this is a family site remember? I’m talking about things like soccer balls, kick balls, etc. Fefe & I were just reminiscing about a ball related story; Tre’s first soccer season. Contrary to popular belief, getting your balls kicked can actually be kind of fun.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Family, Holidays, Play Stories | Posted on 07-03-2014
He Knows Who’s Naughty & Nice
Welcome back for part 2 of our Agent Santa series. Be sure to catch up on part 1 if you missed it.
Once the lists were created, it was onto phase 2: “Operation Bad Credit”, where all the magic is made. We’re well past the age-old practice of buying gifts and hiding them in the house, too risky. A while back, we switched to ordering everything online, but even that technique has outlived its usefulness. We grew tired of all the questions regarding this box and that box, since the mailman clearly didn’t understand the importance of delivering packages while kids are in school (talk about selfish). Now days, we order gifts online and have them delivered to a friend’s house, this way everything is out of sight; no questions asked. The only problem with this option is the hassle in getting all the gifts to the house and wrapped at the last minute. This is where my super-agent stealth training came in. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to sneak box after box into the house, down 2 flights of stairs into the basement, and to secure them out of sight, without waking up sleeping children? I remember dropping a box at one point and going all Jason Borne and diving behind the couch for cover because I thought the noise startled the boys. Luckily, they didn’t wake up and I didn’t have to use my nerve agent darts.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Family, Holidays, Tre | Posted on 27-02-2014
He Knows Who’s Naughty & Who’s Nice
I’m just going to go ahead and get this out of the way: yes, it is the end of February and yes, this is a post about Christmas. But before, you start throwing around words like crazy, delirious, and psycho; give me a moment to explain myself. I’m none of those things, well maybe a little crazy, but that’s not the driving force behind this “well past its due date” post. The true emotion fueling this late February Christmas post is selfishness. Selfishness is clearly in direct opposition to the meaning of Christmas, but hey at least I’m being honest. Before we move forward, let me elaborate on exactly how my selfishness has led us to this point. Every night as I drive home through my neighborhood, I am forced to view houses that STILL feel the need to showcase their holiday cheer by continuing to turn their Christmas lights on. Really people? We’re exactly two months removed from the holidays and you’re still turning those Christmas lights on? Listen, at this point, the only reminder of Christmas that I expect is when I open my credit card statement each month; I don’t need my neighbors reminding me every day as well. So due to the fact that I’m forced to relive Christmas every evening, I felt that it was only right that I spread the holiday cheer around to my readers as well. I mean, what are friends for if they can’t wallow in each other’s pain? So you see, I’m not actually being selfish; it’s quite the opposite, I’m doing my duty to ensure that each of you are keeping those friendship skills sharp. You can thank me later.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Baby Guppy, KayKay | Posted on 05-02-2014
I hate baby monitors!!! What happened to the good old days, when if a baby wasn’t loud enough to be heard through two sets of closed doors and a flight of stairs, then there was nothing wrong with them? I attribute all the ills of this world that have been perpetrated by generation Z on baby monitors! They are the culprit, they are to blame, and they should be banned worldwide. I refuse to play big brother, constantly keeping an watchful eye over all of my child’s actions, any longer.
Posted by Keith | Posted in Activities, Tre | Posted on 18-12-2013
Speed, agility, determination, confidence, and killer instincts; these are all qualities associated with being a good wrestler. These are also the same qualities that I see when I look at Tre. So if I were a betting man, and I am, I’d put top dollar on the fact that this kid is destined to be an awesome wrestler. Well, there’s a funny thing about betting men, most of them bet unwisely and this case doesn’t seem to be much different. Much like my lottery numbers last week, when it comes to Tre and wrestling, I didn’t pick a winner. But that’s okay, because again, like most betting men; I have no idea of when to cut my losses. So yup, I won’t be giving up on my little guy yet, I’ll keep betting on Tre to become an awesome wrestler. Now before you go handing out supportive father of the year awards, you might want to read on to learn about his first tournament experience. Then decide if I truly see a diamond in the rough or if I’m as delusional as my dreams of winning today’s $500+ million Mega Millions jackpot.